Saturday, November 29, 2008

Introducing the Transplant Fairy


Greetings and Salutations y'all!

Today I have officially been on the waiting list for 4 months. *applause* Yippe- freakin'- skippy! It's also my friend Bree's 7 month mark for being on the list. So at least I know I'm not alone in this long ass journey.

I finally drew the long awaited picture of the Transplant Fairy. Ready to see it? *Drumroll* Now - Introducing the Transplant Fairy .........................

So what do you think? I need to get a flesh colored marker so I can give her some skin instead of just plain white. But, oh well. It works for now. :) I also put her as my profile pic on Facebook.

I drew her earlier this week over at Justin's house when I went over there to hang out. I took my stuff and we sat in the living room and drew for about 3 hours. He drew one too. His was better than mine. The boy has talent and didn't even know it! :)

Yesterday morning, My mother and I went shopping for Christmas. I got some cool stuff. I got three new purses, but I bought one of them myself. But she bought me an awesome Nine West one for Christmas and another one that is a clutch. Plus some other stuff, including boots and a mp3 player. So I should be set. I still need some new jeans b/c I've basically out grown all my pairs almost. I guess we'll go to Express next weekend or something and get me some jeans.

Life is still stressful over here in my neck of the woods. Tomorrow Julie is picking me up and I'm going over to her house for a while to just hang out and de-stress as she works on some craft projects and watches football. Should be fun!

Well, I'm off like a prom dress.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Concentration Camp di Bumgardner. - My personal Holocaust!


Hey Y'all.

I know it's been a while since I posted, but I just haven't really been in the writing mood. I've been more in the "donkey punch someone in the face and kick them in the balls", mood. Things around here have been total bullshit lately. So much drama, it's really starting to wear on my damn nerves.

My parents are acting psycho and treating me like I'm 13 years old. Just because they don't like my ex, they are trying to control my every move where he is concerned. Not only has my step dad threatened to shoot him if he comes in the driveway (which I'd like to bring to everyone's attention IS illegal and makes him subject to arrest for Communicating Threats.) But come to find out, my step dad also actually must own the street as well, *sarcasm* b/c now I find out that my ex isn't even allowed to come park in the street to come pick me up.

But - it's not even about the ex really. That's just the icing on the cake. They think that because I'm living under THEIR roof, they have the right to treat me like a 13 year old. No leaving the house past 9pm, no hanging out with someone they don't like, no selling my car even though It's in MY name. (at least they eventually gave THAT one up) Those are just a few examples.

Could someone please remind me of when I fell asleep and woke up 13 years old again? B/c the last time I checked, I was 28 years old. I can't take their immature ignorant stupid shit anymore. Pretty soon I'm going to blow and it's not going to be pretty.

What makes this even worse is that right now is supposed to be a relaxing, stress free time as possible. I'm waiting for a transplant. A transplant, I might ad, that is a very risky surgery, which there are no guarantees afterward that I will do well. I want to live my last months until my transplant as happy as stress free as possible. I should be able to see who I want to see and not worry about being emotionally punished and/or getting kicked out of the house because of my choices.

I've been sick for the past 16 years of my life. I'm finally an adult. I've been doing what I want and making my own decisions for YEARS now and I've done fine. I'm not saying I haven't made mistakes, b/c I have. But that is part of life and part of growing up. I've still done pretty good. I got through college living away from my parents and supporting myself for the most part. And now that I'm down on my luck and unable to live alone while I'm waiting for this life changing event to happen, they choose to kick me while I"m down and treat me like a unruly teenager. I feel cheated and betrayed by them and I'm so mad I could scream. (And I would if I had the breath)

I feel as if they don't care about my feelings at all. And if they did, they would try to understand where I'm coming from. They would at least try and  compromise with me. But NO, they want total control. And all I hear is about how god awful and miserable I'm making them. I mean HOW DARE I have the nerve to actually want to make my own decisions! How dare I have the nerve to want to control my own life!!! HOW horribly selfish of me!!!!! *sarcasm* Don't I see how upset this is making THEM? What a horrible daughter I am to do this to my parents!!! *more sarcasm*

They want me to understand them, but yet they REFUSE to even listen to what I have to say. They don't even attempt to put themselves in my shoes!

They think I don't understand where THEY are coming from but I do. All I'm asking for is a little consideration. For them to try and understand where I'm coming from for once!

I don't doubt their love for me and their need to feel like they are protecting me from who and/or what they feel is harmful to me. As my parents, their job isn't to control me, and keep me from making mistakes. Their job is to LOVE ME and SUPPORT ME emotionally and be there for me if and when I need them.

Unfortunately, I've realized recently that the truth is they don't give a flying fuck how their mistreatment of me and their actions make me feel. Just as long as they get what they want. Which is to be in control. Even at the cost of my happiness and health.

The transplant team says one of the most important things a transplant patient needs is a support system. They need their family and friends their to give them emotional support through out the whole process, PRE and post transplant.

I'm starting to really feel as if I lack this important support system. If they are treating me like this now, how are they going to treat me AFTER I get my transplant? When I'm (god willing) able to to get around even better and go and do as I really please? If this is any preview of what is to come, I'm in a shit load of trouble!

And due to my parent's vehement refusal to even DISCUSS a compromise or talk about how to solve this Hitler-Esq "Control issue" they have with me, I don't see an end to this personal holocaust I'm living in.

My life right now is a living hell and the culprits - my parents- the ones to whom I should be able to turn to with my problems - don't even care.

I just want it all to end.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Top 10 Things I've learned from Bronchiectasis


Transplant Fairy, OH Transplant Fairy, where for art thou Fairy? Bring forth thy lungs and restore thy life! *sigh*

No lungs yet y'all! Do you think that maybe the Transplant Fairy is a selfish fairy? Perhaps she requires some sort in advance before she bestows on me this gift that I so humbly beg of her?

OR - oh no...what if she requires some sort of....sacrifice? Maybe she expects me to give up something in order to get my shiny new lungs?  *scratches head*

OH well, if y'all have any suggestions, let me know. B/c I'm shit out of ideas here. And getting more impatient by the day. When will it be MY TURN?! I've been patient. Or at least I think I have :-(  Is there some life lesson that I'm supposed to be learning through this waiting thing? B/c if so, I think I've learned enough lessons over the past 16 years of this selfish bastard of a disease.

Let's explore what I've learned over the past 16 years.

Bronchiectasis has taught me.....

1. Just because you FEEL like you can do a certain task, it doesn't necessarily mean you CAN. Slow your roll! Try, but don't be disappointed with your ultimate failure.

2. Nosebleeds aren't as bad as everyone makes them out to be. In fact they can be rather interesting at times.

3. No you don't have a big booger on your face, they are staring at your oxygen.

4. Do not under any circumstances follow any urge you get to skip, run, or hop. (refer to #1) B/c you will just embarrass yourself. And possibly hurt yourself.

5. Keep your oxygen cord away from kittens. They WILL attack it. they can't help themselves. It's not pretty walking around with a oxygen cord full of electrical tape.

6. Just because your Lungs can, doesn't mean your LEGS can. Once again, SLOW YOUR ROLL! The treadmill will be there tomorrow and the next day, etc.

7. Yes, it IS possible to blow O's from your nebulizer pipe. Although it may take years to perfect.

8. Don't throw away your left over oxygen tank humidifier bottles or extra cords. Pot heads are very creative. (this is only for those who have friends/family who partake of nature's own medicine)

9. Don't overreact. Coughing up blood does NOT mean you have AIDS. No need to take a trip to the free clinic afterall.

10. If someone asks you if you have Asthma, for the love of God, just say YES.

(possibly more to come later)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

20 miles from home + Empty O2 tank = OHH CRAP!


What's up Y'all.

Yesterday was an interesting day. It was bad b/c I had to end up canceling my rehab b/c I had to leave town early in order to make it to Chapel Hill in time for the support group meeting. So that sucked. I tried to reschedule it to an earlier time so I could make it, but they didn't have an opening. Sad

SO anyway, we ended up leaving around 3:30 to drive up there, which is good b/c it took us like 2 hours to get there by the directions given to us. We barely had enough time to go by Subway and get dinner. Plate

But, the support group meeting wasn't near as horrible as I thought it would be. Thirteen years ago when I was attending them, I hate them. I resented that I had to go to them b/c I felt like I didn't belong there. I wasn't getting any emotional support from being there. It only made me feel worse like an outsider b/c all the people there were so much older than me. And the way they talked was like everyone was competing with each other. I hated it. So that's why I was not very excited when I got "summoned" to last nights meeting by the woman that runs it.

But, I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. Granted, there wasn't that many people there last night. But there was one girl there that is 26 who has CF and just got listed for a double lung transplant. And then there was this 29 year old guy there who had a transplant in March. Plus a few others that called in on the conference speaker phone line. So it was cool. I felt less nervous and not like an outsider like I did when I was 14 and 15. So that was a pretty good time.

BUT of course, there had to be SOMETHING that went wrong. On the way home I ran out of oxygen. It wasn't my mom and I's fault. I won't go into how it happened or why, but suffice it to say, we were pissed when we got home. I had to go the last 10 minutes home without 02. and it was NOT fun. :-( Praying

But, once in the driveway, I finally got some o2 and got inside okay. A few minutes to relax and rest and an ice cold Pepsi later, I was recovered. :)

Okay Kids, the moral to this story is, well I'm not sure what the moral is rather than "Don't run out of oxygen." but that's not really a moral b/c it wasn't something that we did intentionally. Hmmm..anyways! I'm off! Big Grin

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

3:45 A.M. disappointment


Hey bitches!

I had a very interesting thing happen last night. It freaked the shit out of me and both disappointed me at the same time.

I was asleep in my bed last night like everyone else in the house at 3:30 in the morning. Then all of a sudden, "RING RING RING" the freakin' phone rang! I woke up like "Who the hell?" and then I immediately got this thought in my head. "oh my god, what if its THE CALL from the transplant team?" My heart started racing a mile a minute as I got up to answer the phone.

My mom and I both answered it around the same time. But no one was on the other end. It must have been a wrong number or something. The area code was 805. Curious to see where that area code is located, I looked it up online. It's a California area code.

Anyway, it took me a little while to calm down after that. But I thought for sure that it was "the call". And I remember thinking, "oh shit! I haven't even packed my bag yet!"   Nailbiting

It was very nerve wracking to say the least. But I also got excited and couldn't help but feel disappointed when I realized it wasn't the transplant team. Oh well.

Monday, November 10, 2008

More ramblings..


What's up bitches.

This past weekend was pretty cool. I guess. Well Sat. was alright. My brother and Julie and I went to see Saw 5 at the movies. It was pretty good. The end was pretty gross. But overall pretty good I must say. Julie was freaked. It was funny :)

My knee is still giving me hell. I wish it would quit! Other than that everything is pretty much the same. I had to cancel rehab today b/c I had sleep episode and couldn't stay awake. I had to lay back down. Mom woke me up around 6:30 for dinner. Tacos YAY! She made some new cheesy Mexican rice shit, it was good.

It's getting a lot colder outside. Which sucks. And to make matters worse. I've gained more weight. I'm up to 111 lbs. WHEN WILL IT END!??? *sigh* I'm going to be a freakin' elephant by the time I get my transplant. they are going to have to use one of those huge weighing machines and hoist me up onto the surgical table. Pretty soon I'm going to need one those extra wide wheelchairs to go to the movies in and to the hospital in. I'll be doing my rehab in one of those fat clinics for obese people.

Changing the subject from my lard assness, I'm so excited! One of my best friends, Monica and her husband Mike are coming home to NC for Christmas. but they will be her only for a short time. So they are throwing a party so they can see everyone. I'm going to get a cute dress to wear. I can't wait to see them. IT's been forever!

I figure I'll just stay the night that night somewhere in Chapel Hill or perhaps in Cary with Ann and her husband. (Depending on who I bring with me) Ann and I have made plans to go out to eat dinner that day before the party! Yay! And then on Sunday before I go home, I've made plans to meet up with Tiffany C! Yay! :)

Well I'm off like Brittany's panties!

P.S. Here's a funny picture. Enjoy.


Friday, November 7, 2008

It's an Obamanation!


What's up y'all?

It's another weekend. Yippe skippy. *rolls eyes* It was another shitty week. I somehow hurt my knee and so its been somewhat lame all week. I've been walking around limping like a damn gimp. Rehab has sucked his week (except for Monday) b/c of it.

The election is over. Obama won. POOP. Oh well. Nothing we can do about it now except sit and watch as the country crumbles around us. *sigh*

I'm going to the movies tonight with my brother and my friend Julie. We're probably going to see Saw 5. YAY. I've seen all 4 of the previous ones, so I'm pretty psyched! Anyway, I'll maybe write more later.

Peace and chicken grease.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election 2008 - I'm sooo over it!


Hey everyone!  Devil  Flag

I hope everyone has gone out and voted, or will today before the polls close. I'm not usually much of a political person b/c well, usually I just don't giving a flying fuck about the government or policies or taxes, etc. (probably b/c I've never had to pay taxes). But this year, I've come to realize that I need to pay a little more attention. So I took it upon myself, like a good little voter, to really look into the issues of the election and to study each candidate and their opinions on the issues and plans for our country. I've realized that with my health the way it is, even after transplant, healthcare is a very important issue so I should definitely take notice of where they stand on the issue.

I'm so damn tired of hearing everyone bitch about how McCain is going to ruin our country even more than Bush has. But no one stops to think that, we've had a democratic led congress for a hell of a long time. And everything goes through Congress first. And has to be approved by Congress. So they technically can't even blame the current state of our country on Bush completely either!

GRRRR. It just pisses me off so bad! Obama and his cult of followers should shut their damn pie holes! B/c they are annoying the ever loving crap out of the rest of us!!!

Okay okay. I'm off my soap box now. *sighs* What I really initially came on here today to do was to, in the spirit of the election, post a video. It's from SNL Saturday night. The QVC skit with McCain and Tiny Fey playing Sarah Palin. It's soooo funny! I figured it could lighten the mood...err..before I got on my soap box that is! But none the less, here is it! ENJOY BITCHES! 


Quote of the day:
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. - Will Rogers

Monday, November 3, 2008

I roshambo'd the treadmill!


Hello my loyal followers.

I know it's been a few days since I've written. Oh well, quit whining, damn! I haven't really had much to write about it. It's just been the same shit different day. You know how it is.

Halloween came and went and sucked like every other Halloween for the past 16 years of my life. And to make matters worse, Neeko's "Frog Prince" costume didn't get delivered in time. I just today got an email saying that it had been shipped. Do these people not realize that him in his costume was supposed to be the highlight of my Halloween? DAMN THEM!

Anyway, today was a great day at rehab! I broke my record on the treadmill. YES! I went Chuck Norris on that bitch! Okay, well maybe not. Really, I only walked one more minute than my original record of 25 mins. But still. :) You get my point. And then afterwards, I did my arm exercises with the free weights AND did leg presses. I'm gonna be so buff. Just wait and see! And also, my oxygen sats. stayed up pretty high. My heart rate was a little bit high today but I think it was because I hadn't been awake very long so I was still in that groggy, crappy lung congested just woke up, phase. But by the end of my work out, it seemed to be leveling out pretty well.

So tomorrow is the big day. Election 2008. I voted on Thursday. It was the first time I've ever voted for anything. So it was rather exciting. But I will tell you what isn't exciting about voting. LINES. We had to wait in line for 45 damn minutes. And it was hot as all hell in that building.

While I'm pulling for McCain to win, I have a sick feeling that Obama will take it. The media is so liberal that they have published or reported every little story or lie or tidbit of nonsense that they have heard about McCain, while they didn't put out hardly any of the negative things reported about Obama. And we all know, that while our country is great, we are also undeniably judgmental. But, I will still keep the faith and try and hold out until the end. Afterall, I wasn't sure that Bush would win the last time either. But he ended up in the office. (not that he's been the most perfect president, but I'm just sayin'.)

I've been really bored lately. And I'm reading one of the last books that I bought the other month so, when I finish it, what the hell am I going to do? Grrr. I guess I could draw. I did get a bunch of drawing supplies for my birthday this past summer, might as well put them to good use :)

Okay, I'm off like a....psychopath without their meds! :) Get it..."off" like, not in their right mind....get it? Nevermind!