I know it's been a while since I posted, but I just haven't really been in the writing mood. I've been more in the "donkey punch someone in the face and kick them in the balls", mood. Things around here have been total bullshit lately. So much drama, it's really starting to wear on my damn nerves.
My parents are acting psycho and treating me like I'm 13 years old. Just because they don't like my ex, they are trying to control my every move where he is concerned. Not only has my step dad threatened to shoot him if he comes in the driveway (which I'd like to bring to everyone's attention IS illegal and makes him subject to arrest for Communicating Threats.) But come to find out, my step dad also actually must own the street as well, *sarcasm* b/c now I find out that my ex isn't even allowed to come park in the street to come pick me up.
But - it's not even about the ex really. That's just the icing on the cake. They think that because I'm living under THEIR roof, they have the right to treat me like a 13 year old. No leaving the house past 9pm, no hanging out with someone they don't like, no selling my car even though It's in MY name. (at least they eventually gave THAT one up) Those are just a few examples.
Could someone please remind me of when I fell asleep and woke up 13 years old again? B/c the last time I checked, I was 28 years old. I can't take their immature ignorant stupid shit anymore. Pretty soon I'm going to blow and it's not going to be pretty.
What makes this even worse is that right now is supposed to be a relaxing, stress free time as possible. I'm waiting for a transplant. A transplant, I might ad, that is a very risky surgery, which there are no guarantees afterward that I will do well. I want to live my last months until my transplant as happy as stress free as possible. I should be able to see who I want to see and not worry about being emotionally punished and/or getting kicked out of the house because of my choices.
I've been sick for the past 16 years of my life. I'm finally an adult. I've been doing what I want and making my own decisions for YEARS now and I've done fine. I'm not saying I haven't made mistakes, b/c I have. But that is part of life and part of growing up. I've still done pretty good. I got through college living away from my parents and supporting myself for the most part. And now that I'm down on my luck and unable to live alone while I'm waiting for this life changing event to happen, they choose to kick me while I"m down and treat me like a unruly teenager. I feel cheated and betrayed by them and I'm so mad I could scream. (And I would if I had the breath)
I feel as if they don't care about my feelings at all. And if they did, they would try to understand where I'm coming from. They would at least try and compromise with me. But NO, they want total control. And all I hear is about how god awful and miserable I'm making them. I mean HOW DARE I have the nerve to actually want to make my own decisions! How dare I have the nerve to want to control my own life!!! HOW horribly selfish of me!!!!! *sarcasm* Don't I see how upset this is making THEM? What a horrible daughter I am to do this to my parents!!! *more sarcasm*
They want me to understand them, but yet they REFUSE to even listen to what I have to say. They don't even attempt to put themselves in my shoes!
They think I don't understand where THEY are coming from but I do. All I'm asking for is a little consideration. For them to try and understand where I'm coming from for once!
I don't doubt their love for me and their need to feel like they are protecting me from who and/or what they feel is harmful to me. As my parents, their job isn't to control me, and keep me from making mistakes. Their job is to LOVE ME and SUPPORT ME emotionally and be there for me if and when I need them.
Unfortunately, I've realized recently that the truth is they don't give a flying fuck how their mistreatment of me and their actions make me feel. Just as long as they get what they want. Which is to be in control. Even at the cost of my happiness and health.
The transplant team says one of the most important things a transplant patient needs is a support system. They need their family and friends their to give them emotional support through out the whole process, PRE and post transplant.
I'm starting to really feel as if I lack this important support system. If they are treating me like this now, how are they going to treat me AFTER I get my transplant? When I'm (god willing) able to to get around even better and go and do as I really please? If this is any preview of what is to come, I'm in a shit load of trouble!
And due to my parent's vehement refusal to even DISCUSS a compromise or talk about how to solve this Hitler-Esq "Control issue" they have with me, I don't see an end to this personal holocaust I'm living in.
My life right now is a living hell and the culprits - my parents- the ones to whom I should be able to turn to with my problems - don't even care.
I just want it all to end.