Climbing the Pill-alayas

I'm back y'all. 10 months and counting! Happy Lungiversary to meee...WEeeeeeeeeeeeee!

2010-04-22T00:58:00.006-04:00

What's up bitches?

Happy 10 month Lungviversary to meee...Happy 10 month lungiversary to Meeee, Happy 10 months to meeee, Happy 10 months to me! :) Yay! "It's a celebration, bitches!" as Dave Chapelle would say! let's see, what all has happened lately that I need to give y'all an update on....

Well, first of all, while staying over at Lori Beth's a week or so ago...I played basketball for the first time in 17 years. I mean it wasn't like a real game of basketball complete with dribbling and blocking, and fouls, etc. We just played a game of P.I.G. But, I played and actually made my very first basket on my first try. I made a few more along the way but ultimately lost the game. LOL oh well, it's the participation that counts right. Unfortunately, we played at like 10 pm. I was so sore by the time I laid down to go to sleep that night, I couldn't sleep all night. I guess I wasn't used to using those muscles since I hadn't in a long time. I had to get up at 5:30 am and take tylenol before i could fall asleep! But, it was worth it!

This past Friday, I had clinic again. B/c they wanted to keep an eye on this fever that I had the week before. Clinic went well. The fluid in my lung was gone. YAY. And my chest x ray looked the best yet. YAY! AND, my PFT's were the best yet. MY FEV1 finally went past 60%% I know its not a lot, but it's another milestone for me. I'm proud of that 1% extra! :)

Jenn had her 2nd wedding shower this past Saturday at her parent's house in Thomasville. It was good, and she got a lot more of nice stuff from her registry! I'm so jealous, I want new stuff! :) Hehe. Just kidding, couldn't be more happier for her. She's going to look so beautiful on her special day! Hmmm, what else...

Last night around 6:30 I had another milestone. I drove up to Greensboro to meet up with Monica and Mike's good friend Cheryl at the RUSH gym as her guest. And...I SWAM! I mean for REAL swam. Not the kind I used to do before my transplant (walking around in the pool attached to an 02 tank), but actually SWAM. For the first time in 17 years. It was so freeing. And awesome. And a little difficult. LOL I realized that I'm going to have to relearn how to breathe in the water before I can do Freestyle or Butterfly again. But, I did like 4 laps of Breaststroke. It was so wonderful. But, like playing basketball, those muscles used to swim haven't been used like that in a long time, so I was super sore last night when I went to sleep. And I'm still sore today, just not as bad. Also, I ended up joining the gym so I can go and swim whenever I want. And work out there too, if I grow the balls to work out in front of people :) I figure, if I'm able to make it up there 2 days a week, plus still going to P.T. here in town 2 days a week. That will be a good start with 4 days a week working out. Hopefully I'll lose some weight and get into shape! Plus it will be fun to have someone to work out with. We both like to whine and complain! lol

Today, they called me from the hardware store (where I got my shirt made) and told me it was ready to be picked up. (FINALLY) So, my brother and I went up there and I picked it up. Then we went by the joblink center and looked at some jobs. I was thinking about maybe getting a part time job, but I'm not sure yet.

I go back to Chapel Hill for clinic again on Friday. I hope my FEV1 is even higher! *fingers and toes crossed*

Anyway, I have to pee (thanks lasix) and I'm going to sleepies. Been a great, wonderful but long day! Thank you Ms. Donor, (and family) for my precious gift. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Joint Pain, Oh how I despise thee!

2010-04-09T21:21:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I've been on the 30 mg of Prednisone every day now for 3 days. Tomorrow is my 4th. The joint (ankle/knee) pain is not getting any better. I go back to Chapel Hill to clinic next friday. So hopefully they can figure something out. I'm tired of not being able to walk 10 feet without hurting. Its seriously affecting my life and everyday activities. I got new lungs so I could go out and do things and be active again. Not so I can sit on the couch or lay in my bed with my feet propped up. And to make it worse, my family basically just thinks I'm being lazy more than anything. I wish they had been through what I've been through and were feeling what I'm feeling right now, then maybe they would keep their pieholes shut.

Tomorrow is the Donate Life walk in Winston-salem. I had planned on walking this year, but with the joint pain problem, it's not possible. But, I'm going anyway and going to be volunteering. Not sure what I'll be doing yet, but it will be something at least. I'm just glad to be participating in some way. Then next Friday in Chapel Hill is the Donate Life concert on campus at UNC. I'll be volunteering there as well. Helping people at the registration table, to sign up to be organ donors. It will be convenient for me to go since I have clinic that day anyway!

Anyway, I'm going to sign off for now. I have a headache. Keep your fingers crossed that they figure out how to help my joint pain next friday at clinic!!! Talk to you later, my babies!!!!!!!!!!!

Blue Devils and FEV1, oh my!

2010-04-06T20:54:00.001-04:00

What's up my babies?

It has been around 3 weeks since I last posted. I guess I just sort of lost my "blogging mojo." I can't really remember everything that has been going on since I last wrote, off the top of my head. So, this will probably be a short post and I may end up coming back and adding to it or doing another post later on as I remember more details over the last 3 weeks or so.

The last few days I'd been running a fever, so I called Ken. (coordinator) And he said it would be best for me to go to chapel hill for them to see me. So that's what I did today. Then ironically, today I didn't even have any fever at all. Go figure! But, I'm glad I went b/c it gave me a chance to really talk to the doctor about my joint pain. (knees and ankles) No one seems to be taking me seriously. Or they think that I'm over exaggerating the pain, just being lazy. Which is soooo not the case! It seriously hurts bad with each step. And my feet and ankles swell and get so stiff. Today, I saw Dr. Yankaskas. I love him, he's very thorough. He decided that the pain is probably just inflammation and tomorrow I will start 30 mg of Prednisone every day for 5 days, then go back to my maitenece dose of 15 mg every other day. The idea is to test and see if the higher doses of prednisone helps the pain. If it does, then they will know it's just inflammation and nothing more serious and they will decide how to treat it, with what medicine. I'm not overly excited about them upping my prednisone to 30 mg for 5 days, but hey, if it helps to find out what is going on with my joints, then I guess it will be worth it!

Also, I talked to him (the dr.) about my weight and why I haven't started shedding these extra pounds yet. He agreed that I should have started slimming down by now. And that it's clear that I'm having issues with fluid retention. So, he upped my usual lasix dosage of 40 mg 2 times a day to 80 mg 2 times a day. He said that should help and I should start to slim down. He said that it looked like I could have some fluid in one of my lungs, and if that's the case, then the extra lasix should help that resolve itself as well. *fingers crossed* I have every confidence in Dr. Yank. He's always been very thorough when treating me and getting to the root of my problems. He won't stop until he figures out the problem and has solved it.

Good news - My PFT's were up! My FEV1 last time had dropped back down 3% to 57% from my high of 60%. Well today my FEV1 was back up to 60%!!!!! Yay!!! that made me feel a little better. But, also worries me a bit, b/c I kind of feel like I'm never gonna get past 60%!!!!! *sigh*

Last night was an awesome night. I watched the Duke vs. Butler game. (the NCAA championship) It was such a great game. Very stressful though! Butler definitely gave Duke a challenge. But, in the end, my boys pulled it off, like I knew they would! Go duke! I'm so happy we are finally champs again!!! :)

Well, that's all I can think of for right now. I may post again if i think of anything else going on to share with my loyal followers! :) Peace bitches! lol

Donor Family Letter

2010-03-15T23:23:00.001-04:00

What's up bitches!

So here's an update. My chest, in the lower lung region, where my ribs are, has been hurting since thurs. baaaad. I tried to wait until Today (monday) to go see the doctors in clinic about it. But, I was getting worried and it was hurting so bad. Everyone kept telling me I needed to go on and get it checked out. So I relented. I went to the ER last night in Chapel Thrill. Luckily, Ken called them ahead of time and told them I was coming. Thanks Ken! So it didn't take near as long as I thought it would.

First of all, the car broke down on the way to the hospital. We were about 20 mins away. BOOOOOO! So, while Bo and Mom waited for my step dad to get there from home, I was transported to the hospital by ambulance. (non emergency, they didn't rush or put the siren on!) I finally got there around 6pm. We left home around 2pm.

So anyway, once there, they put in an IV and took some blood. Then I had a chest xray done. Everything was fine. So, the doctor said that it must just be bruised rib/pulled muscles from coughing so much since my bronch. Whew! I am so relieved that's all it was. She gave me some pain medicine through the IV while I was there and sent me home with a script for Oxycodone.
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Changing the subject: I finally wrote out my donor letter on paper. It is in the envelope and ready to give to the social worker on Friday when I go to clinic. I'm really nervous. I hope they like it and write me back! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm off like a prom dress....for now. :) The picture below is of me in the ER last night. Enjoy!

Dear Rejection: EPIC Fail. You can't hold this bitch down!!! I keep on comin' back, harder and stronger each time! In your face, whore!

2010-03-10T23:26:00.001-05:00

Helloooo my lil' babies. (I miss you Conan!!! Leno - You can suck it! I used to like you, but now...*sighs in disappointment and shakes head*)

Getting down to bidness: SO - I FINALLY heard back about my bronch results this evening. Ken - My coordinator - called around 5:30 pm. *DRUMROLL* NO REJECTION!!! WOO HOO!!! YAY!!! *dances around wildly* He told me that everything looked great with my bronch. And that the cultures that they took during the bronch, that have come back already are all negative!!! WOOO HOO! And he was super psyched about my awesomely improved PFT's. He said they were the best yet! YAY YAY YAY! *dances around again* AND (wait for it.....wait for it.....) He officially gave me the green light to go swimming!!! YES THANK YOU GOD. I feel so blessed right now and so happy to be alive. And so thankful for my donor and donor family. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

I'm bout to be backkkk, bitches!!!!!!!! :) :) I think swimming is going to help tremendously with me getting into good shape (and hopefully helping me drop a few 15 lbs) and keeping my lungs strong and healthy. (Hopefully it will help them get even better!) I was already told that I could help with the swim team this summer at the pool! WOo hoo! Wish I wasn't too old to be on the team lol :) Oh well, I already had my day in the sun, it was just cut short and ended way too soon. But, hey that's life! :) There's always the 2012 summer Transplant Games!

So, tonight has ended on a good note, thanks to the good bronch news. I have clinic next Friday and I hope my legs are feeling better by then. I'm tired of moving like a 90 year old woman! Oddly enough, Ken said that my cholesterol was high on my last labs. Hmm that is the first time that has ever happened. I wonder what it could be from. I haven't really changed any of my heating habits that I can think of. *scratches head in confusion* We'll see what the labs next Friday show.

I have a lot of cool things to look forward to in the next few months. Such as, Jenn's wedding shower in a couple weeks, seeing Cat again for the first time in FOREVER and first time post-transplant. On St. Patrick's day I'm going to Antoinette's..um party...and then we're going out after to live like my ancestors did! At the bar!!! :) In April, there's Hunter's engagement party that I will be attending! (Thanks for saying I can borrow your cowgirl boots, Em!!) PLUS, Jenn's WEDDING!!! I'm super psyched. She's one of my oldest most cherished friends. I have a feeling my makeup is going to run!! lol PLEASE lord let me catch the bouquet!!

THEN - In June, June 21st to be exact - I will have reached the ridonkulously important date of my 1 Year Lungiversary! It's going to be so awesome!!! I can't wait. I know I am going to have a party. I'm just not sure what kind specifically (formal, semi-formal, cocktail, bbq, pool party, etc etc?) or where it will be. SO - if anyone has any party suggestions (type of party, venue, cake ideas, themes, etc etc) please let me know. Help me brain storm!! :) I've only got a lil over 3 months to figure it all out!

Okay, I'm gonna go watch a movie with my brother. (Congrats on becoming the new Wii bowling champ Bo! but don't get cocky) But, before I bounce, I would like to ask everyone to please keep Rachael Wakefield in your thoughts and prayers. She just got her double lung transplant after being told she had 12 months or less to live!! Congrats Rachy!

Epic FAIL Tardheels! Final Score = 82 to 49. DUKE! Finally, something to smile about!

2010-03-07T01:43:00.002-05:00

What's up y'all?

So- The bronch on Thurs. went well. As far as I know. Usually, the doctor (at least one of the two) stick around long enough for me to wake up and tell me how it went and if I have any questions or concerns about it or if there's something I want to tell them about that's been bothering me, I can talk to them then. That way I don't necessarily have to go to clinic the next day. But, thursday when I woke up. They had bounced!!! So, I didn't get to talk to them. And last time, they called me on Saturday with the results. (Rejection) So, I figured I'd hear from them today. But, I didn't. I'm hoping that no news yet, means good news. Maybe they just called me back so quick and over the weekend last time, b/c it was positive for rejection. So, maybe them not calling yet, is a sign that I'm rejection free. *fingers crossed* Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!

*sigh* It's been a pretty uneventful weekend. But rest is always good. I actually ended up going to the movies this afternoon. We saw Cop Out. It was soooo funny!!!!! It looked funny on the previews but I figured it wouldn't be as funny as it looked. I'm glad I was wrong!!!

My legs (knees down to ankles) have been hurting so bad and bothering me. It was all I could do to walk in and out of the movie theater. And then we had to walk up steps to get to the seats. And then back down. My knees almost gave out! It's crazy. I'm tired of this. I don't understand why my legs are bothering me so bad. :-( At first I thought it was just because I was weak from being sick with the stomach virus and starting to get out and be active again was making me sore and that I just need to build up my strength again. Or maybe I was just hurting more and its harder to walk b/c of hurting my back. But, now I don't know b/c it doesn't seem to be going away in a timely manner. Which is one reason why I hoped the doctor would have stuck around after my bronch, so I could tell him about the legs. It always seems to be one thing after another! Ughh i'm getting so tired of this crap!

Tonight was the BIG GAME. Duke vs. UNC. the last game of the regular season. It fucking rocked. Duke made UNC their bitches. It was wonderful. I am giddy with joy! So now, Duke is going into the ACC tourney as number 1. WOOO HOOO! AND my former lover, Christian Laettner was at the game. Still looking sexy as hell. Just older.

Anywhoo's..I'm gonna get some Pepsi. I'll be sure to update when I get the results from the bronch. *fingers crossed*

Worried and Nervous

2010-03-03T23:15:00.001-05:00

What's up y'all?

Today I had a Dr. appointment with the obgyn. It had been over a year and half since I'd been, so I was overdue for my yearly visit. I love my dr. She's so awesome. I didn't realize that they knew that I had had my transplant though. And I was surprised when they were all (dr. nurses, receptionist, etc) so excited to see me breathing without my O2. My doctor gave me a big hug and told me how great I looked and how happy she was for me that I'd gotten my new lungs.

She also explained to me that my stretch marks were so big and red right now b/c of the steroids I've been on since transplant. She said that they will eventually turn silver/white. But that the steroids make them red and more angry looking. I'd never heard that before, so that makes me feel a little better. There were some white blood cells and blood in my urine test, which could indicate a UTI, so she went on and gave me an antibiotic to take for 3 days. Better safe than sorry with my immune system!

Tomorrow is my repeat bronch to check to see if the rejection is gone. *fingers crossed* I'm not nervous about the procedure at all, I've gotten so used to them now. But, I'm very nervous about the results of the biopsies. I'm worried - what if the rejection isn't gone? What would that mean? And why wouldn't it have gone away with all the steroid treatment? And what would the next treatment be? God, I pray that it is gone. And that it never comes back. I've heard that there is some theory that the more times you have acute rejection, the more likely you are to go into Chronic Rejection. Although that theory hasn't been proven. They believe that there could be a link. That is scary. B/c this is the 3rd time I've had acute rejection and I'm only 8 months post transplant. And it seems lately that I've been finding out about more and more lung transplant recipients who have gotten Chronic Rejection and are less than 2 or 3 years post transplant. I can't imagine what it feels like to hear that diagnosis. I pray that I never have to hear it. It is such a heart breaking outcome, especially when someone has gone through so much and gotten so far.

On a happy note - I found out today that Garran's bronch results were negative for rejection! YAY! So happy! No rejection for G-man! :)
Oh, and I'm not sure if i reported it or not, but Bree's (my lung-transplant twin) bronch results were negative too! YAY! No rejection for Bree!!! WOO HOO!

Fuck. Duke just lost to Maryland. Sonnabitch. Man and I have to be in Chapel Hill tomorrow. They are going to be talking so much shit to me tomorrow.

Anyways, I'm signing off for now. Going to watch the DVR til' I fall asleep. Please say a prayer for me tomorrow that everything goes well and the results say NO REJECTION!!!! Love you guys.

P.S. Please say a prayer for Jordan Ulrich, Miranda Sheppard and Eva Markvoort. They are all very ill right now and need your prayers and positive thoughts sent their way!

SNOW?! Agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain???

2010-03-02T16:31:00.001-05:00

Hello my babies!

I trust you all had a good weekend. Or at least I hope you did! My weekend was pretty good! I think I did a little too much though a little too soon after the stomach virus. I don't think I had my strength back all the way and I over did it a bit this weekend, maybe a little too active. I could barely walk it felt like yesterday, my legs were so sore from the knees down to my feet. P.T. was pathetic!!!! :)

Well, it's snowing outside, AGAIN. *rolls eyes* I'm so tired of snow! It's March now, go away snow!!! GOSH! Although, I must say that it is really pretty right now. The flakes are freakin' HUGE. It looks like goose feathers falling from the sky! I've never seen snowflakes so big. But, thankfully it's not really sticking to the ground. The last thing I need is bad weather again on Thursday and not be able to make it to Chapel Thrill for my Bronch. My brother is off work Thurs. so he will be taking me up there.

On a happy note - I'm finally off the horrible prednisone taper and back to my regular maitanence dose of 15 mg every other day. YAY! I pray that my bronchoscopy results show NO REJECTION. I'm so tired of this shit!!!!

Tomorrow is a busy day. P.T. at 2pm, Dr. appointment at 3pm and then dinner with the girls at 7pm!!!

New Lungs ROCK!!!!! Peace and chicken grease!

Pics from Friday Night

2010-02-27T18:09:00.001-05:00

Friday Night Out - Downtown at 6th and Vine

2010-02-27T13:02:00.003-05:00

Hey my bitches!

Hope everyone had a good friday night and the weekend is going well. I had a great night last night!!! But my body is sooo tired. (mostly my legs and feet though) Yesterday, except for going out to P.T. and to the library (Yes, you judgemental whores - I read occassionally and decided to pick it up again for a while), I spent most of the day finishing up my packing to come up here to Winston-Salem and getting ready for the evening.

My co-ordinator was supposed to call in another order for Cellcept (diff. mg dose) to my pharmacy and the plan was to pick it up on my way out of Lexington, so I would have it to start taking again last night with my 9:30 pm pills. Well, I get ready and was running a little late, so I hurried to CVS to pick up my meds. They had 2 of them that I needed, but *Gasp* No cellcept. I guess Ken got busy and forgot to call in the prescription. That's okay Ken - Becky to the rescue! So, I immediately called paged Becky and she called me back. She supposedly called it into the pharmacy, so I havent checked yet but I hope it's there. I'm going to stop on my way home b/c I really should have taken it this morning.

So, anyway, after that minor setback, I drove on to Winston-Salem (YES ALONE after 6pm - first trip driving out of town (usually I'm the passenger when traveling out of town) since my transplant. I made it! YES! I am so proud of myself. I was a little nervous at first but was able to hold it together. YAY!! So, I met Emily and we parked my car. Jay and Gray were running a bit late so we stayed in the heat of the car for a few minutes before making our 1-2 block trek to 6th and Vine. GOD I LOVE BREATHING. I was so happy to just be walking downtown going out and being normal with my oldest buddy ever, that I wasn't even dwelling on the fact that my feet and ankles were getting tired after doing P.T. earlier as well. Fuck it! I was alive and enjoying it!

Anyway- we got to 6th and Vine and went in. 45 min wait. Fuck it who cares. Let's get this evening started. OOPS. Super crowded- no where to sit. That blows. But I was still high from life and ready to live it up. So Jay (our old friend) and Gray (Emily's brother) showed up and the night began. We had to stand around for over an hour until we finally got seated - which definitely took a toll on me from the waist down. I"m sure I annoyed hte hell out of them by complaining a lot but overall, It wasn't the end of the world and it definitely wasn't the first time I'd suffered in that way. :) So finally - two seats opened up at the bar and Emily and I sat down. We had to wait like another 30 minutes before we got our table though, but it was okay b/c I was finally sitting and resting my legs!

To sum it all up, we finally got a table. The food was fabulous. Champagne good. Service outstanding. Just really liked the whole enviroment of the place and would definitely love to go back again soon! I had a great night and I think everyone else did too. It was awesome to spend time with Emily again, since we haven't gotten to spend a lot of time together since we lived in Greensboro - and especially with me being healthy, sans o2 tanks! And to see Gray and Jay was super awesome too. We got there about 6:45 and left to go back to Emily's around 12:30 or so.

But- of course because i'm ME and live MY life - something had to go wrong in the end. As I was following Emily back to her apartment, Mom's car started acting up again like the dumbass it is. Well techinically I blame the step dad since he never took it to a real mechanic to have it checked last time this happened about a month ago on the way back from Chapel thrill. So it started jerking so I had to pull off the road and cut it off. Emily came back around and met me in the parking lot where I stopped. I started the car and tried again and we took the back roads, so I was able to make it to her apartment without the car fuckin' up anymore but I didn't go over 40 mph. So - it ended well but I should have known that the night wouldn't be perfect! :)

So now I'm about to call home and make plans about what to do about driving home, etc. Sorry for such a long post - I'll holler at y'all later. Hope everyone has a great rest of the weekend!!! TOODLES, bitches!

P.S. I'll add pics from last night later when I get home!

Loving life today. Back to the land of the living!

2010-02-26T00:19:00.001-05:00

What's up my babiesss...!

Hope everyone has had a good week and that y'all are gearing up for a great weekend. I know I am. I'm slowly getting back to myself after the horribly hell ridden last week I've had. I'm back!!! Which means I'm back at P.T. after almost 2 weeks and to back to leaving the house whenever I possibly can. Gone is the puking, the sharting, the emotional rollercoaster of everyone bitching at me and not giving a shit that I felt like warmed over ass on a soggy hamburger bun for over a week. I'm even going to attempt to drive myself to Winston-Salem tomorrow evening! My back is still hurting, but it will be worth it to get away again. I'll be staying the night at Emily's again tomorrow. We're going out to dinner with our old friend Jay and probably going out for a while afterwards too. It's so good to be able to just go out and not worry about breathing or oxygen tanks or anything else that held me back pre-transplant. Life is such a blessing!

Also, I sold my engagement ring today to the pawn shop. Of course I didn't get much for it, b/c it's platinum and most places only want gold these days and the diamonds aren't a solitaire, but I was tired of having it around and I can use the extra money for bills. It feels good to be free of it. Also, Jeffrey told me that the police chief at his PD told him they were going to call me soon about doing some volunteer work at the station. Yay! Something to do to occupy my time. Especially while I search for work. I'm still hoping I will get a call from the Sherrif's department about the dispatcher position. *fingers crossed tightly*

On a high note, I *THINK* I might have lost a couple lbs! YAY! My stomach doesn't look to be protruding outward as much as it has been. I've been watching what I eat and the amounts I eat lately, plus I've been pissing like a pregnant racehorse. So, I'm hoping that part of it is fluid/water weight from all the prednisone I've been on lately with the rejection and therefore my face and neck deflate soon.

On a more serious note: Please keep your thoughts and prayers with my friend Christy (Hubbard-Hamilton). She's incarcerated right now in Duke hospital getting treated for chronic rejection. She's doing okay but had a reaction to the first treatment she got today. I know she is in great hands though and they will figure out the best treatment for her and will have her back on her feet in no time!

Also - last but definitely not least - my dear little friend Garran. He and his family are my 2nd family. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow while he undergoes a bronchoscopy (complete with biopsies this time) to check for rejection. He's not been feeling so well lately, plagued all week with unexplained fevers and such. So let's send good positive vibes Garran and Christy's way! They are both under the care of the best transplant teams in the world!

Okay - I'm going to end this post here, b/c I have a date with my DVR before I fall asleep tonight. I love dates with my DVR. No expectations and I don't even have to shave my legs. :) PURE AWESOMENESS!

Have a RI-DONK-ULOUSLY amazing weekend!

P.S. GO DUKE! yet ANOTHER win! March Madness here I come!

8 months and still counting!

2010-02-21T22:39:00.001-05:00

What's up!

Happy 8 month Lungiversary to me! In 4 more months it will be the big 1 year mark!!! I can't believe it. It seems to be going by so fast. Or is it slow. Sometimes I can't really tell. I just know I feel so blessed to still be here and be breathing with these beautiful new lungs that were so graciously donated by my donor and their family! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! From the bottom of my heart and the deepest of my breaths! Thank you!

P.S. Keep sending your thoughts and prayers to Eva, they are helping!! Keep on keepin' on girl! XOXO

Week from HELL

2010-02-20T12:56:00.002-05:00

What's up my bitches??

Part I:

Hope everyone had a good week and is having a good weekend so far. My week has been one hellacious nightmare. Definitely one for the record books. It all started Tues. morning. I woke up and took my pills around the usual 9:30-10:00 ish time spot. I swallowed them all down (Including the 50 mg of Prednisone for rejection ugh) and then within 5 minutes, promptly projectile vomited all over the floor b/c I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. And to make it worse, as I was vomiting, my lower back popped painfully. I felt it and heard it. GREAT. Just fuckin' great! I proceeded to puke two more times within that same hour. THEN - about an hour later, the shits set in. I WAS IN UTTER HELL. I called my coordinater and he informed me about a horrible virus that was going around. GREAT-just my luck. I was told to drink lots of clear fluids and call back if got temp. I spent the rest of the whole day feeling nauseous (although I didn't puke but only one more time) and glued to the toilet by my asshole. Then night time set in. I spent the whole night, TRYING to sleep but felt so sick that I couldn't even do that. Not to mention the fact that my ass was still glued to the toilet every hour on the hour. And all I had been able to eat and keep on my stomach the whole day had been a small cup of apple sauce.

After struggling to sleep all night, I finally was able to pull myself out of my bed - nausea, back pain, diaraherra and all - and make it to the den to check my temp. My body was aching all over and I was freezing. YUP - I was right. 100.8. Fuckin' wonderful. I felt even worse than the day before and now I had temp. to go along with it. Paged the coordinator on call and ended up making an appointment to go to clinic that morning to be checked. They felt it was possible that it could be CMV so they wanted to check. By the time we left for Chapel Hill, I felt so shitty that I could barely walk out to the car and was swaddled up in blankets in the passenger seat like a little Eskimo child, whimpering everytime I moved from the back pain. Once at the hospital - I had to use a wheelchair b/c there was no way I could walk around the hospital feeling so utterly shitty.

Once in clinic, (after stopping in Registration and getting blood drawn OF COURSE) I was put in the infusion room where I was IV'd (Yes I've verbbed it lol) and given fluids ASAP for dehydration. More tests were done and I was giving Finnergin (sp??) for the nausea. I hadn't had Finnergin in YEARS. And forgot how fuckin' strong a drug it was. I struggled against it but my eyes kept crossing and in the end gave in and promptly fell asleep in my reclining chair. Then I was woken up to go downstairs to get a chest x ray done. OMG. Woken up from a Finnergin coma to be forced to actually leave my chair and ride downstairs and be x-rayed. I don't recommend it. I thought I was going to die. But, finally I was back upstairs in clinic, in the infusion room, in my chair where I belonged to finish the last half of my fluids. I promptly fell back into my Finnergin coma.

Not sure how long after that, but I was awoken. Was told I could go home and they would let me know the test results tomorrow about the CMV. I still felt like utter shit, but was feeling a tiny bit better from the fluids. And I definitely didn't want to stay over night in the hospital. Mom and I got my shit together and we bounced. Oh and good news. I was told I actually CAN take the Tramadol for my back pain. YAY! By the time we got on the road I was hungry so we stopped at the store and I got some cheesy poofs and some peanut butter crackers and a Sprite.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part II:

We finally arrived back at home around 5:30pm. I was still feeling shitty of course, but at least I had some fluids in me. My back was still killing me. My brother went to pick up my prescriptions. Then - I couldn't find the Tramadol that I had from the week before. When I was told I couldn't take it, I had thrown it down in my room (Still in the cvs bag). We searched everywhere for it and it was no where to be found. I wanted to die. My back hurt everytime I moved. I laid down in my room and fell asleep quickly from lack of sleep the night before. But - b/c of my no sleep the night before, I had sleep episode after sleep episode the rest of the afternoon. Woke up miserable. To make a long story short - I slept that night but had crazy dreams all night long from the sleep episodes that just wouldn't stop.

Thurs was an emotional rollercoaster. I still felt shitty - and still shitting every hour. But my back was the main problem. I was in so much pain. I had to have something. So, I paged the coordinator on call (Becky) and was able to get another prescription for the Tramadol since I couldn't find the one I had. Although this medicine doesn't take all the pain away, it knocks the edge off enough to be tolerable. even though it still hurts when I get up and move around and use the muscles. But, it doesn't make me high like Percocet. So, that's a plus. While on the phone with Becky, I was told the tests for CMV were negative. YAY!! So, that was a relief. I guess it's just the horrible stomach virus that has been going around! Anyway, aside from the physical sickness/pain, everyone at my house was being mean to me and acting like I was overreacting to feeling sick and in horrible pain. They were yelling at me constantly and I had two breakdowns and ended up calling Emily and begging her to let me come stay the weekend at her apt. in Winston Salem to get away from my house/family. What a great friend!

So...here I am in Winston Salem for the weekend. I arrived about 8:00 pm last night. (Thanks again Nate for the ride, you're such a great friend!) I'm feeling so much better emotionally and better each day physically, although still a bit nauseous and weak. But, getting there. Chris is coming up to hang out and should be here in a bit. It will give me someone to hang out with while Emily is busy with her school work on campus.

I'm signing off for now. Sorry about the long, ranting post. But, it had to be done. :) Hope everyone has a great rest of the weekend!

A tiny update.

2010-02-15T23:34:00.002-05:00

Hey All!

Hope everyone had a good start to the week. Mine was okay. Pretty unproductive though. My tummy was upset this morning from the prednisone taper so I didn't end up going to P.T. at 12:30 as planned. SO, I just rested all day and hung out. Then tonight Bo and I went to Nate's to hang out for a little bit and just got home about an hour ago.

I've tried to cut back on as much snacking and eating today and have done fairly well. YAY for me! But, alas, here it is 11:10 pm and I'm eating a few cheesy poofs. Shut up bitches, I deserve it for doing so well today!!! :) Neeko and I have had a bunch of cuddles today. YAY.

The main reason for this post tonight is that I've come to a decision and wanted to let everyone know. I'm taking my Transplant Games Empty Pocket Fund link off of my blog and facebook. And canceling it. (If I can figure out how! lol) No one was really donating, but that's not really the point. lol I've decided to sit out the games this year afterall, due to the on and off issues I've had post transplant with the rejections and all that. Just think it's best not to pressure myself to try and do the games this summer. And that I need to just concentrate on living my life and staying healthy! But, I will definitely be at the next one!

Now, I will leave you with a pic that I took tonight via my phone while I was on the way home from Nate's. Toodles, bitches!

Meg the Ninja aka The Unabomber!

Japanese food, bitches!

2010-02-14T17:38:00.001-05:00

What's up bitches!

Hope everyone is having a glorious Valentine's Day! Chris and I went to eat Japanese in Winston Salem last night. YUM. GET IN MY BELLY! I've eaten 10000000 cheesypoofs this weekend as well. But, actually from this angle, as I stare down at my dodgeball gut, I think it may actually have shrank a bit. POSSIBLY. I'm probably wrong. I usually am.

Okay, I think I'm tired of typing already. lol Talk to you later!!!!

Meg the Human Marshmellow Goddess of Cheesey Poofs and all that is Edible.

2010-02-12T20:13:00.001-05:00

HI Y'all.

Today I went shopping. Trying to find something on this god awful blob of a "figure" of mine. If that's what you want to call it. Not that it wasn't horrible before this week, but now the Solumedrol and tapered prednisone doses are already wreaking havoc on my already marshmellowy goodness. This shopping trip was an horrid EPIC FAIL of a trip. I got some stuff but it still looks like utter and complete crap. My boobs are gigantic (don't even know what size anymore - haven't bought a new bra yet) and jiggly. My tummy reminds me of a big dodge ball and my face looks like it ate itself, regurgitated itself right back up and re-ate itself again for dessert.

And of course, b/c of the prednisone taper again, my ankles are swollen from being up shopping for 3 hours and they are sore. To top it off, my back is still hurting, but the medication that the family doctor here in town gave me for the pain has been shot down by the transplant team. Can't take it. Interacts with the steroids. GREAT. So, now I will be pitied with a bit of pain meds come this week for my back. But i have to wait until Monday and call my coordinator back to get relief from this pain.

Tomorrow evening, Chris is supposed to come into town. We are going to Winston to eat dinner for Valentines. (a day early) But hey, look out the window. It's fucking snowing. Great. I hope that doesn't ruin my weekend plans. If it does, it figures. This has been a fucked week.

I'll end this little post by telling you of a wonderfully gratifying experience I had this afternoon when I got home from shopping. I sat down, kicked my feet up to rest my weary, sore and swollen cankles and proceeded to cough. Well, as this wonderful cough errupted from the depths of my shiny new lungs, I promptly pissed myself a little bit. Right through my pants. For serial, ya'lll. There was like a 2-3 inch patch of pee on the cushion of the couch. How rewarding for a day's worth of depression and self hatred. FML.

I'm going to quit having a pity party now. Like I always, say, It' could ALWAYS be worse. and at least I'm still here and breathing! Peace and chicken grease.

Update - Rejection, no rejection, rejection? YES rejection. Poop.

2010-02-11T20:41:00.001-05:00

Hidey Ho, My little bitches.

I kiiid, I kiiiid. You know I say bitches in the most appreciative loving way. :) I love my bitches! Shit, I'm a bitch! We're all bitches! Let's just be one big happy community of bitches and bitchiness! WOo hoo! Clasp hands and let's dance around in a circle and make a theme song for our Bitch Community. Let me know if you think of some lyrics, I'll write them down. :) lol

Anywho's....So, I went to Chapel Thrill on Monday morning to get my pft's re-tested. As Noted before in my last post, If they had gone back up they maybe would have refrained from treating me with steroids for rejection and just went with the idea that it was a false positive rejection result do to the virus I've had. Well, unfortunately (and just my luck as usual) My FEV1 had NOT gone up ,it had actually like every asshole I've had in my life , did a completely reverse asshole move and dropped dramatically. So it was only 39% on Monday. Greaaaaaaaaaaat. Fuck me.

So, instead of being slapped on my ass and sent on my merry little way, I was slapped into the chair in the infusion room at the clinic and given a painful IV. (But, I give her credit, she did get it on the first stick!!) Then I was giving my first dose of IV Solumedrol. Mmmm. Yumm. Panic/spastic/pyschotic attack city. While that was running, they contacted the home health ppl. and had them call me. After my IV was done, about 30 minutes later, my home health care package (with my 2 IV doses, flushes, and such) arrived and my brother and I promptly took the box and all the crap I'd brought with me and accumulated throughout the day at the hospital, and got the hell out of there.

Now, here it is Thurs. evening. I finished my last dose of IV SOlumedrol yesterday and the nurse pulled the IV. YES! And today I started my rejection treatment prednisone taper. (Starting at 60 mgs a day for 3 days - holy shit) So, my tummy has been hurting today but luckily that means that the Prednisone Monster hasn't attacked me yet and I'm not shoving food down my throat at 75 mph.....YET. I'm going to try and do better this time around. I promise. *fingers crossed* Other than that I'm actually feeling a little better..feel like I have a little more energy already and ready to stop napping so much.

I'm sitting at Lori's hanging out in her bed and typing away and relaxing, while she is cleaning her house. Technically I'm supposed to be keeping Keegan (her 4 year old) company and out of her way, but he's a firecracker. He's hard to control. :) But, he's done well so far. But now I'm alone and he's in there. He couldnt stay away from mommy and daddy for too long! Rob, her man is cooking up a big dinner and it smells fuckin' awesome.

I am going out to one of my favorite Japanese restaurants on Saturday for an early Valentine's Day dinner with Chris. Can't wait! Then we are driving back into town and staying the evening at Lori's house so he won't have to drive all the way back to Lincolnton. Sounds like a good Valentine's Day! Can't remember the last time I had a good Valentine's Day. I think it might have been the last one before I got sick. Which was actually the weekend I got sick in 93. Which ironically, my ex fiance Justin was my boyfriend. ANYWAYS -

I'm going to go I think dinner is almost ready. And then Wii later. I'll Hollllllllaaaaa!

I hate Winter.

2010-02-05T16:55:00.001-05:00

Wassup?

Okay. what the hell. So I was scheduled to go down to chapel thrill today, right. To get repeat PFT's and such. Well, thanks to the fuckin' weather, I couldn't go. So I rescheduled my pft's for Monday morning. But, I couldn't get in touch with my coordinator to ask him if that was okay, or if there was anything he wanted me to do until then, etc. Great. So. I still haven no idea if i have rejection or not. My chest is still tight. And I'm still coughing some stuff up. Great. Just great. Now i have to wait 3 more fuckin' days. It better not snow me out on Monday. I'll be there come hell or high water!

I had a great time with the girls on Wed. night. I took a few pics but I haven't downloaded them yet. I will probably put them on facebook for the world to see. Ha.Ha. Yay Don' Juans!

I'm supposed to go to Emily's birthday party tomorrow evening, granted the weather behaves and the roads are good enough to ride to winston on. Chris is supposed to go with me. Yay.

Okay I'm going to go try and email my coordinator. Have a wonderful weekend!!! Peace and chicken grease!

Update: Rejection or No Rejection - that's the question!

2010-02-02T16:27:00.001-05:00

What's up y'all!

So, Ken (tx coordinator) called me back on Monday and said that I have Adenovirus. And that it could have caused a false positive rejection result. SO - Now, I don't know if I have rejection or not. Right now, the plan is for me to go back down to Chapel Thrill on Friday. Get repeat PFT's, and if my FEV1 hasn't gone back up, then they will go ahead and treat me with steroids. So, I guess we'll see what happens. I hope my pft's will go back up. Not only b/c it could mean no rejection, but b/c i worked so hard and waited so long for my FEV1 to hit 60%! and Now it's back down to 55%...so disappointing. I want it to go back up!!! Keep your fingers crossed for me please!

Tomorrow evening, Mary Berk, Julie, Brooke, Amanda and I all going out to Don Juan's to celebrate Mary Berk's birthday. Yay, Don Juans! We haven't been in a few weeks. I'd love to have a few drinks, but I'm not sure how smart that would be right now considering I have that virus and the bronchitis. So, I'll probably refrain. Or just have a beer. Since we are having tacos tonight for dinner, I'll probably just end up eating nachos and dip. Mmmm, liquid crack. My favorite. :)

So, it snowed all afternoon Friday into the night and over night and some Saturday too. We got 8 inches! That's the most we've gotten in a long time at any one time. Bo (my brother) and our friends Nate and Susie and their family all went sledding Friday and Saturday and Sunday. I wanted tog o so bad, but I figured it was best for me to stay in since I've got the bronchitis. :-( But, it's amazing to see all this snow on the ground!!!

I've pulled a muscle in my back and it's hurting like crazy. So i've been using the heating pad all day and I eventually broke down and took some Percocet. It's helped a lot, but now I'm itching like a bitch!

Okay that's all I've got for you right now. I'll holla at cha later!!!

P.S. I'm taking the quote thing off my page b/c it's not working right.

Fuckin' Shit, Man! Such is my life...

2010-01-30T20:02:00.001-05:00

What's up y'all.

So, Thursday I went back to Chapel Thrill and had my repeat bronch to check to make sure there was no rejection. After the bronch, Dr. Nueringer told me that my upper airways were inflamed and that I had bronchitis. BOOO. Ken (my coordinator) called me yesterday afternoon and told me they had the biopsy results back. Bad news. Rejection. AGAIN! FUCK! This sucks. They said that it could have been stirred up by the cold/bronchitis that I have. But, this is just very disappointing and worrisome. This is the 3rd time post transplant I've had rejection. (Well the first time was only like 2-3 weeks post transplant while I was still incarcerated-but still) I hope this is not a repeating pattern. It would suck so hardcore to have waited so many years to get new lungs and then end up getting chronic rejection. It's not been a good weekend. :-( Ken is supposed to call me back on Monday and let me know what the plan for treatment is. I'll keep you posted.

P.S. I met a sweet, cute boy. Yay!

Thanks "Tiffany" the Masseuse for trying your best to cripple me!!!!!!

2010-01-25T19:07:00.003-05:00

What's up bitchesssss?

It has been a while since I've written. Spiacente! ("I'm sorry." - in Italian) So let's see......updates.

Well, I'm single again, again. lol That's right boys....I'm available. Don't hurt yourselves beating a path to my door. :) No drug addicts, alcoholics or overly opinionated (who try to convert me to their way of thinking) or judgmental men need apply!

Let's see..what else...Christmas was awesome. Still going to P.T. 3 days a week. My 6 months Lungiversary (post transplant) was on Dec. 21st!! WOoo hoooo! Forgot to write a post about it. Mom took me out to eat and I put 6 candles on top of my chocolate cake thing at Applebees and blew them out!!! Yay i can blow out candles!!! :) Was supposed to have my post rejection bronch this past thursday but they cancelled it after I went all the way up there. (long story). I stayed the weekend though and went to clinic on Friday and spent the weekend with Vick and Chris and their kids. Always have fun with them! So thanks again Vicki for allowing me to spend time with your family!! Love you guys! Garran (their son)'s 1 year. lungiversary is next Tuesday. YAY!!!!!! Vick and I got massages on Sunday afternoon. I was so looking forward to it. But that bitch tried to cripple me!!! I could barely walk when she was done, my feet and legs hurt so bad!

Clinic went good on Friday. I'm fat still. lol Effin' prednisone and rejection! My pft's were down 5% but I'm hoping it is just b/c I have been a little sick lately. At first it was just my sinuses for like a month (and still is). But now since Friday i've been coughing a lot too. I hate it! I thought I was going to make it through winter without getting sick!! i guess not! The Transplant Gods can be so cruel!!!!!!! *shakes fist annoyingly*

I bought myself Wii Fit Plus on Ebay. So now maybe that in conjuction with P.T. will help me lose some of this horrid weight I've gained. :) Keep your fingers crossed. I don't want to be embarrassed at the pool this summer. HEHE. Also, I am going to compete in the summer NKF transplant Games this summer in Madison, Wisconsin. (Barring any unforseen complications) So, Im going to start training soon. This time for real. lol I can't wait to get back in the pool! I'm not sure what other sport I will do. We'll see I guess.

Since my bronch last week got cancelled, I have to get it done this Thursday. So, off to Chapel Thrill I will go again, tra-la-la-la-la POOP!

ANNOUNCEMENT: In order to be able to afford to attend the summer transplant games, I must raise money for expenses and such. If you love me enough to want to donate to my "Empty Pocket Transplant Games Fund" please do so! All donations are much appreciated!! :) If you want your donations to be tax-deductable you can donate online at http://donate.kidney.org/goto/meghann.murphy by clicking on the Transplant Games link on the right..OR- you can send me a check written out to the National Kidney Foundation. (they are the ones that put on the games every year) If you write it to NKF - PUT MY NAME (Margaret Murphy) IN THE "for" or "memo" section of the check so they will know it is for me. If you don't care about your donation being tax deductible, you can write the check to me personally. (Margaret Murphy) Whichever one floats your boats!!! :)

If you have any fundraising suggestions for me, or know of any companies, agencies, corporations, etc. who may be interested in donating as well, email me and let me know. I can send you info for them. You can find my email on the blog. If not, just leave me a comment about it.

I'm off like my prom dress never went!!!!! :)

pic from Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T17:48:00.001-05:00

Hello my little Christmas Elves!!!
GIMME MY PRESENTS! j/k. :)

Let's see... Like I said before, Clinic was great on Friday. I stayed at Vick and Chris's the rest of the weekend. We went to church on Sunday and then the Christmas party afterward. MMmmm good food. Also, the kids and I took turns wrapping each other up in tree lights and plugging them in. I'll post some pics. Luke wasn't able to come up for Christmas. :-( But hopefully next month when I'm in Chapel Hill for a few days.

Yesterday after P.T. I got interviewed for the local paper. It is supposed to run in tomorrow's paper. Once it's posted online, I'll put a link on here so y'all can read it if you like. Well company is arriving for christmas Eve, so i'm heading out like a fetus!!!!

Short but SOOO sweeeeeeeet!!!

2009-12-18T17:45:00.002-05:00

What's up Y'all!

I had a great day!!!! Today I went to clinic and I FINALLY hit the 60% on my FEV1!!!!! I'm so psyched!!! My labs were good, my xray was better. Everything was awesome! I'm so blessed!!!

I'll write more later!!!! :)

"Today was a good day..."

2009-12-13T23:44:00.001-05:00

What's up bitches!

In the legendary words of Ice Cube..or was it Dr. Dre? Cube i think..anyways..."Today was a good day." I went over to my friend Stephenie's house and hung out most of the day with her and her hubby. I ate like 10,0000 cheesey poofs though. But oh well. lol Then to make the eating matters worse, when I came home I stopped directly in the kitchen and ate a plate of baked spaghetti and salad. and then embarassingly, a pudding cup.

Tomorrow I'm going to Emily's for the night to hang out. Can't wait!

Nancy Grace and Tiger Woods sittin' in a tree........

2009-12-11T21:21:00.001-05:00

RI-DONK-ULOUS!

OMG. I am going to seriously punch Nancy Grace in the face. I love her but she is pissing me off so bad. She has ruined her show by obsessing over this whole Tiger Woods scandal. I'm so tired of hearing about his ass. I don't care if he is a billionare sports figure. I don't care if his wife is beautiful and he's gave away his penis more times than he can probably count. I do not care if he crashed his truck into a tree and his hot Swedish wife beat the shit out of him. And to be honest, I'm not sure that anyone else really cares either, except the Media.

And to top it all off...she had on an effin' fugly necklace tonight. Come on now Nancy, you're slippin'.....

END OF RANT.

Ramblings

2009-12-10T15:35:00.001-05:00

Hey my babies!!!

Hope everyone is having a good day/week. I am. Except for the fact that I'm eating too much. But what else is new?! :) I'm super happy b/c my dog is really starting to spend more time with me again and show me attention. Hopefully when I get my own place soon, he will start sleeping with me again! Oh how I miss those days. I think it helps that I can go on walks with him now. Don't you think?

I went out today and we got Mom's Christmas present. I'm not going to say what it is, just in case she somehow clicks on something on facebook by accident and stumbles onto my blog and reads it. But, It's really pretty and I think she'll like it. It will be from me, my brother and my step dad.

Mom and I went to the grocery store earlier. One of my favorite past times. Especially post transplant. hahahaha. Lori Beth and Keegan (her son) are coming over tonight. She's going to help me clean my tornado attacked room and they are staying for dinner.

I had Hardees for lunch - the Coke tasted like water. Thanks Hardees. You try choking down 4 prednisone pills at once with watery Coke. You can suck it.

UPDATE - Sorry it's been so long!

2009-12-09T00:37:00.001-05:00

What's up my bitches!
I'm baaaaaaaaaaack. I apologize for boring you by leaving you hanging. I know you all live for reading my blog. :) hehe I kid, I kid! It has been a long 8 or 9 days but definitely worth it. I've been super busy. So, I have a lot to catch you up on. Shall we begin?

Vickie is such a wonderful friend. She drove me all the way home to Lexington from the hospital after I got paroled on Monday afternoon. Thank you vickie! I love you! We both found ourselves 3 days from the Sweet Melissa Foundation fundraiser, without a dress. SO, on the way to take me home to Stale-Town, we stopped at the mall in W.S. I had just been released from my incarceration not even 2 hours prior to the time we stepped into the mall. We walked around the mall to diff. stores trying dresses on for around 3 or 4 hours. I FINALLY found a dress. For only $25 too. Total awesomeness. She didn't find one that day but found a great brown one later on. Anyway, I digress from the important part of that day. I WALKED AROUND THE MALL FOR 3-4 HOURS WITHOUT HAVING TO REST. I couldn't believe it. ESPECIALLY after having been in the hospital all weekend getting pumped full of high dose IV steroids. I found a minute or two every so often while walking through the mall, to thank God and my donor for giving me the ability to accomplish this once impossible task. :)

But, of course, with such joy and positivity must come something negative. My Feet and ankles swelled up SOOOOO freakin' huge by the time I got home!!!!! But, it was so worth it. I didn't complain too much. :)

Tuesday, I rested. It was nice. Very nice. :)

Wed. was one of the most awesome days I've had. Especially post transplant. I've always wanted to go on a ride along with the police department and Wed. I finally did it! It was RE-DONK-ULOUS!!! SOOOO FUN. I got to go on an undercover drug bust, pick up a snitch with warrants as well as take people to jail. I got to follow him everywhere. The only time I had to stay in the car was during the drug bust. But, i still got to watch! I even got to go into the county jail while they put them behind bars. So fun.

Then, when I finally got home from playing COPS, I had to directly go back out with Mom to get some shoes for my dress for the fundraiser on Thurs. I didn't get home til around 9:30 pm. And hadn't even started to pack for Chapel Hill the next day. So, tired and dead on my feet, (BUT BREATHING!!!) I started packing my bag and got most of it done that night before i went to sleep. The next morning around 11, my step dad drove me up to Chapel HIll and dropped me off at Vickie and Chris's where I would stay a couple nights.

Thursday was the big night. I'd been looking forward to it for a year. Since when I was still pre-transplant and I had heard about the fundraiser. Vickie's family and I all packed into the van, looking beautiful and handsome of course, and went to the Sweet Melissa fundraiser at Carolina Inn. I was pleasently surprised b/c I didn't look quite as fat as I expected myself to look. Not that that mattered, b/c everytime someone saw me during the night I was probably stalking one of the many food stations and sucking down huge amounts of food. Nevertheless...it was a wonderful night and I wouldn't cash in those 2 lbs I'm sure I gained, or change it for anything. I'll post pics.

Friday, I actually had to go to clinic. (THank you again Vickie for taking me, you're such an awesome friend!) And for once, everything went wonderful. Since the treatement in the hospital that past weekend, my FEV1 went up 9% and the rest of the lung function stuff increased by like 1/3. The fluid in the lungs was gone. I'm sure there are some other positive things but I can't remember right this second. Long story short. My lungs kicked ass!!! I can even see a diff. in my breathing that I didn't notice before. I'm so blessed! After clinic, we went to the grocery store and got food to cook dinner. Tiffany joined us for dinner. It was a nice night.

Saturday morning, Bo (my brother) drove up to pick me up from Vickies and take me back to Lexington. :-( I had such a good time with Vik and her family and my friends at Sweet Melissa. I didn't wanna go home! But, alas, I did need my rest and missed my bed.

Me kissing the Coach K signed basketball at the Fundraiser

This week I'm just going to P.T. Mon-Wed-Fri and having lunch with friends. And oh yeah, Christmas shopping. Mom took me out for my Christmas from her and my step dad. I Got some awesome stuff. Thanks Mom! All I really needed, I already have recieved. New puffers. But, boots are nice too. ;-) My Ambien is kicking in and I have P.T. in the morning, so until next time...in the words of my favorite blunt, sometimes downright bitchy, but always entertaining tv personality - Nancy Grace:

"Goodnight Friend."

Diary of a Hospitalized White Woman : 11/29/09

2009-11-29T18:11:00.002-05:00

Well here I am folks. It's my 3rd day of incarceration here at my loyal UNC Hospitals. I was admitted on Friday b/c they found mild rejection in my lungs from the results of the bronchoscopy I had on Wed. SO they tossed my ass in here with a quickness, hooked me up to the IV pump and I have officially finished my last dose of steroids! YAY. Which means I will be going home tomorrow. YIPPEE.

But, hopefully, if Vicki is able to drive me back home, we can stop in winston and do some shopping. We both need to find something to wear for the sweet Melissa gala on Thurs. I'm so pysched. I hope I feel well enough to attend. I've been looking forward to since I was put back on the list in 08.

Maybe there will be a cute guy there I can flirt with. Perhaps even a doctor or a fellow translant patient? Hmmm? :)

That's all for now. Ill write more later.
Don't cry, damn. Man up! or should it be Woman Up!

Long Time No Speak

2009-11-19T00:16:00.002-05:00

Hey Y'all.

I hope everyone is happy and feeling well. I know it's been wayyyy too long since I blogged. I didn't really have any exciting news to tell. But I will at least tell you a little bit.

I'm HOME for GOOD! But I won't lie. I miss Chapel Hill. I've started PT again, here in Lexington to continue, since I wasnt quite done. It's going good, it's good to be back with the friendly faces at PT. I missed them!

Before I came home for good, they surgically fixed my gut hole. THANK GOD. They did it laprascopically. So the hole is almost completely closed and it only leaks a tiny bit, nothing a band aid can't take care of. :) So it should be completely closed soon and I can start training for the tx games in July.

I had a bump in the road recently. After I got out of the hospital after my stomach surey, I went home for good. But, 3 days later I was coughing up nasty shit and feeling puny. So i called Ken, my coordinator, and told him. He wanted me to come up there the next day so the doctors could see me. So i did. I thought they would just give me some antibiotics and send me on my way. BUT no. They admitted me to give me IV antibiotics and fluids. They said I was real dehydrated. So i stayed in the hospital until Sat. (4 days) Then they sent me home with Levaquin.

So, its been a couple weeks, I take my last levaquin tomorrow. I'm still coughing up stuff thatdoesn't look normal. I havent had any temp or anything else. I go to clinic on Friday. I'm worried about what they are going to do. I pray that they dont put me in the hosptial for more IV's. And if they do, I pray it would just be a perifial IV instead of a Hickman.

THe Sweet Melissa gala is Dec. 3. I want to be well enoguh to attend. I want this coughing over and done with for GOOD. I'm tired of it. Ive never stopped coughing from the beginning of my transplant. They need to figure it out and fix it!

Exciting NEWS: I went to Atlanta with my aunt to visit family. It was my first trip since my transplant. It was so good to get away. We went to the aquarium it was awesome. And we went to the Coke factory. It was alright. The little ones liked it. Next time i go, I WILL go to the CNN building and see Nancy Grace!!!!!!!! I'll bust in if I have to!!! HEHE

Well I'm signing off for tonight. As Nancy says.....

"Until next time, Goodnight Friend." lol

P.S. Luke and I broke up.

Operation Bronch. - OVER.

2009-09-03T21:24:00.000-04:00

Hidey Ho Heffers.

I'm home from the bronchoscopy. Well, I mean, I've been home. Since around 2:30 or 3:00 pm. I completely pigged out after the procedure. We stopped on the way home at McDonald's. I got a cheeseburger, large fries, AND 5 chicken tenders with ranch. I ate all of it, except 3 of the chicken tenders. I was STARVING. Then I attempted to get online and check my facebook. But after falling asleep in the middle of fb'in it, 3 seperate times and almost dropping my laptop, I gave up and laid down to nap. A nice long nap.

Of course when I got up, I was hungry again. It was around 6:30 pm so Mom and I walked down to the community kitchen and cooked some generic Chicken Voila for me and some dinner rolls. It was soooo tasty. I ate a big helping of that and then a bowl of orange sherbert icecream. Mmmmmm. Now my tummy is hurting a little, but I think it will go away.

Anyways...about the bronch. Everything went as well as it could go. Except that when Mom and I went out to the car to go to the hospital this morning around 6:40 am (had to be there at 7 am to register, bronch was scheduled for 8 am), our front left tire was FLAT. Just what I needed. *rolls eyes* So we ended up trying to call a cab but in the end my friend Victoria's husband Chris (my bf Luke's brother) came and picked us up and drove us to the hospital. Then picked us up afterwards and drove us home as well. THank God for him today!

So once they sedated me and began the procedure, I don't really remember anything. I guess I fell asleep. The dr. said that everything looked fine, but that I had some pulmonary edema in my vessels. SO, he prescribed me some lasix. YAY! i hope i lose weight! :) He didn't seem too concerned about the edema, said the lasix should take care of it. The xray looked stable he said, the same as the last one basically. I hope that the lasix helps with the pleural effusion as well.

I'm feeling okay so far post bronch. My left side was pretty sore afterwards, but the Dr. told me that it was probably from the biopsies. He said they found a little bit of mucus in my lungs, but not too much and they sucked it out and are culturing it to check for infection. So all in all, I guess things went good. I did have to stay a lil' longer after the procedure b/c my sats were being stubborn and not coming up like they should have. but after a lil oxygen for a bit,t hey came up and I was released to the homeplace! I've been coughing up a little blood off and on from the biopsies, but that is normal. Even though aggrivating!

Well, my tummy is hurting and It's time to climb the pill-alayas once again. So i'll holler at y'all later! Thanks for your prayers today!

Bronchcoscopy - Not a happy camper.

2009-09-02T22:40:00.000-04:00

Hi Y'all.

Not much to report today. Had P.T. then went shoe shopping for new sneaks. (AGAIN) I needed a new pair so they can insert that thingie into the bottom to help with my ankle pain. They couldn't use the other ones I bought for it. Poop. There went another $65 into the black hole. Anyways...

Tomorrow I have my bronch and I'm a little nervous about it. Not really nervous about the process or procedure, but about what they may find. If I hadn't been coughing and stuff lately (Which is why they moved it up), I wouldn't be as worried. But, I'm going to try and not worry about it too much. I'm going to bed earlier tonight b/c I have to wake up at 5:30 am so I can be at the hospital by 7am.

Wish me luck tomorrow. *sigh* Thank you, drive through please!

Everyday should be a Duke day!

2009-09-02T00:41:00.002-04:00

What's up my people?!

Hope everyone is having a fabulous week so far. Mine is going pretty good. Haven't had too much pain. Sunday was good. I spent the evening alone, all night. My brother left around 2pm in the afternoon to go back home since he had to work yesterday. And Mom didn't come back until yesterday morning in time to pick me up for P.T.

It was nice having freedom to do what I want, say what I want, walk around naked if I want. I watched Hounddog. GOod movie, but a little on the disturbing side. Dakota Fanning plays a young rape victim a little TOO convincingly. Ponder that for a while, folks. *shivers in disgust* Oops, sorry if i spoiled the plot of the movie. But you will probably thank me for it later. I have to admit, while the movie is pretty disturbing, she is good at putting on a REALLY southern accent. No girl her age should be so frickin' talented. It's just uncalled for. Anyways, I digress.......

Like I was saying, It was nice to spend the evening alone for once. But, at one point I did get bored as hell. And then I got a little sad for no reason. (F-You Prednisone - I survived you're attack!) After crying for about 30 minutes for no apparant reason, I took an ativan and calmed down. Yay for ativan!

P.T. went well as could be expected on Monday, with a lame ankle. Enough said.

SO...today was a great day. Mom and I went to Duke! YAY!!!! My first time on Duke's campus since 1993. I was 12 years old. And I walked around all day! It was such a blessing! (Both to be back at Duke and able to walk around and not get out of breath) First we went to the Bryan Center and ate at the Armadillo Grill. It was pretty tasty. THEN, we went to the University Store, where I dropped way too much cash on Duke shit. But it was so worth it. THEN....we went to the Duke Chapel.

The Chapel is so beautiful. Just as beautiful as I remembered it. We sat down and I said some prayers for my Donor and Donor family. I also took the time to thank God again for my new lungs and new life. We took some good pics of the chapel, inside and a few outside.

Tomorrow I have P.T. again at 11 am. Then on Thursday - THE BRONCH. :-( *sigh* Such is the life of a lung transplant patient.

*cue theme music as curtain falls*

Bagels and cream cheese anyone?

2009-08-29T22:50:00.003-04:00

Hey everyone!

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend so far. My weekend is going splendidly if I do say so myself. Last night I went out to eat a fabulous dinner at Mama Dips with my friend Ann and her husband Alex. It was so tasty. But I HAVE to stop going out to eat before I go broke. But it's just so fun to enjoy being able to go out and not getting tired or out of breath and to just enjoy myself or have to worry about running out of O2. :)

Then today my Mom went home for the weekend and my brother drove up here to hang out and stay over with me so I wouldn't be alone. We ordered pizza for lunch from Alfredo's and it was super tasty. I love their pizza. So good. Then we just hung out, he watched some football while I facebooked and chatted. lol Around dinner time we went out and rented a couple movies, so I'm writing this while we're watching The Last House on the Left. Boy this movie is more disturbing than the first version! I also rented Hounddog with Dakota Fanning. Bree told me that it was also pretty disturbing. Great.

Clinic went pretty well yesterday. They still are waiting to put me back on a profalactic antibiotic. Which makes me a little nervous but, I trust their expertise. They said my x ray looked fine, a lil better. Which is good. But, they discovered a pollup in my nose, which they said COULD be what's causing all of my coughing and the blood streaks in the sputum those times. Or it could be something else. or it could just be nothing to worry about. B/c I haven't had any temperature or shortness of breath or anythign else. But, just to be on the safe side, they've moved my 3 month bronch. up from the 17th of Sept. to this coming Thursday. I'm a little nervous about it. But, I'm being positive. :)

Tomorrow night Bo (my brother) is going to be back at home since he has to work in the morning. And Mom is staying home again and coming back up here Mon. morning in time to take me to P.T. So, I'll be staying alone tomorrow night. My FIRST night alone post transplant, all by myself. With no Dr.'s or nurses or Mom around. I'm a bit nervous but more excited than anything! Wish me luck!!!!

GUESS WHAT! I believe I've discovered what I inherited from my Donor!!! BAGELS! She must have loved bagels. B/c ever since my transplant I have craved them non stop. And before transplant i hardly EVER ate them. Not that I didn't like them at all, It's just i rarely ate them. And when I say rarely - i mean like once ever 6 months to a year, I'd eat a bagel. Now I can't get enough of their goodness! I clump on cream cheese and spread it allllllllll over and then practically inhale them. I eat them with breakfast at least 4 or 5 days out of a week. And still crave them during the day (but don't eat them during the day). Well occassionally I will if i didn't eat them at breakfast that day. :) Its so odd! But definitely cool to have such a connection with my Donor.

Well I'm going go watch Hounddog now. I'll blog at y'all later! Here's a pic of my Pomeranian Prince, Neeko, to make you smile! He always makes me smile!

Neeko loves corn on the cob!

Shrimp Sauce, Shrimp Sauce, where for art thou, Shrimp Sauce..????

2009-08-28T00:57:00.002-04:00

Helloooooooo y'all.

Hope everyone had a great Thursday. I had a pretty low key day. It was one of my day's off from P.T. so I just lounged aorund all day until time to get ready to go out. Then tonight I went out to eat dinner with Stephenie. OHhhh my gosh. I'm so effin' full. All I've done all day is eat it feels like. Prednisone is NO JOKE! It makes me so hungry!!! We went to a Japenese steak house in Durham. It was soooooooooooooo tasty. It was the first time i'd eaten Japanese since my transplant. It sooo hit the spot. I ate sooo much! Oh how I've missed that shrimp sauce!!!! While, the food was wonderful, our cook was lacking on the trick skills. He messed up sooo many times. He must have either been new or he was having an "off" night. He went to flip the bowl up ontop of his hat and dropped it on all 3 tries. One time it missed his head completely and flew behind him.

But that's okay. It was just super exciting to be back at a Japanese steak house for the first time in forever. The first time sans oxygen. EVER. I didn't have to back away from the table or cover my face when he did the fire trick!!! Yay! Fire is no longer my enemy!!! :)

Then we went to Super Target, b/c she had to get some little gifts for her trainees at work. Okay I have a confession. Even though it is the stupidest ugliest thing I've ever seen...I've really wanted a Snuggie blanket ever since I first saw the commercial. Well.....they had them at Super Target...and....well...I was weak! I bought one! A pink one! I can't wait to get cold again so I can use it! :) Don't laugh at me! I hear your cackles! You're just jealous you don't have a Snuggie!!! lol

Tomorrow I have tx clinic and P.T. Then, I believe I'm going out to eat with Ann and her husband. God, I feel like all I do is eat these days. lol

Okay, I'm done for now. I'll see y'all later!!!!! *POOF*

Steph and I at the Japanese steak house! Her last night in Durham!

Mallin' it.

2009-08-26T14:01:00.000-04:00

Hi strangers.

I've come to the conclusion that my new lungs are yesterday's news. :) I haven't had any comments in forever!!! Are you guys still reading this? Or should I give it up!?? lol Oh well. It gives me something to do whether you guys read or not! :)

Anywho's......

Today I had P.T. I walked on the treadmill for about 25 mins before Rich (the P.T.) stopped me b/c I was limping a little too much. The ankle is still giving me issues. It hurts when I put weight on it and walk. So, after the treadmill, he fitted me for an arch support thingy and put it in my shoe on that foot. I hope it helps. B/c I'm getting tired of hurting when I walk. He said it was probably a result of my broken knee trying to overcompensate. B/c I'm not used to being so active and now post transplant b/c I'm walking so much more, and the way my left leg and foot don't line up exactly straight, its causing me pain in the ankle region. Hopefully, when I get used to the arch support thingy, it will fix the pain issue.

Yesterday we went out to the drug store so I could pick up some of my pills. Then Mom wanted to get her hair done so we went to University Mall and she went to a salon there. Well b/c she walked in wihtout an appointment she had to wait a lil' while. She was in there for over 2 fricken' hours. So, I bounced! Left her there and went exploring the mall alone. Boy, that was a lot of walking. My ankle was killing me by the time we left and my legs were soooooo tired. But, it felt very liberating to go walking and shopping on my own, sans O2, sans gasping for breath and having to rest every couple minutes. I felt so Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And happy.

While I was there, I spent money. :-( Dammit. I'm so weak. lol I bought a book to read and a book to send to Luke. Also, I got a cute water bottle and a pack of blank cd's so I can transfer some pics from my computer to get developed so I can start my scrapbook. I might have bought something else, but I can't remember for sure. lol

Last night I went out to dinner with Stephenie. We ate at Elmo's diner. It was the 2nd time I've been there. It was pretty tasty. Then we went to TCBY and got some yogurt! Mmmmmm. We're going out again probably Thursday. This is her last week staying in Durham for work. Friday I have plans to go to dinner with Ann and her husband Alex. I love being able to go out so much and actually have the breath and energy to have a good time!! Thank you donor and donor family!

Tonight I have support group at 6pm. So i plan on resting the rest of the day. I may play my Wii a little bit. Now that I'm off sternum precautions! I'm ready to bowl and play some pool! My Mom is going home on Saturday. Woo hoo! Mom free weekend! My brother Bo is coming up to stay with me Saturday night. We'll probably go out somewhere to eat and a movie or something. Who knows!

I'm off! Hope everyone is having a great week so far!

Still breathing. Effortlessly.

2009-08-24T17:10:00.000-04:00

What's up bitches?!

Hope everyone is doing great. I'm doing pretty decent. I had P.T. today, it wasn't too bad. My ankle is STILL sore. So she only made me walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes. THen i did the bike with my legs for 20 minutes. Then I was done. I just wish my ankle would stop hurting when I walk. I bought an gel ice pack thingie to wrap around it after P.T. or when it's hurting.

Friday I had clinic. It went pretty well. They said the pleural effusion that they saw the week before on my x-ray, looked like it was improving, slowly. It's good that it's improving itself without the need for any kind of extra treatment or procedure. But, they did say it was doing it slowly. Plus, I've been coughing a lot more lately, but haven't had any temp. or shortness of breath or anything other symptoms that could mean something was wrong. But, he said that if I kept coughing like that, they may move my bronch. up and do it before Sept. 17.

Saturday evening, around 9:30pm., Stephenie, her husband Keith and I all went out to the DSI Comedy Theater in Carborro. (just outside Chapel hill) I had first heard about it from Tiffany. She takes improv classes there. So after visiting their website, I decided I'd love to go see some improv comedy. I'd never even been to any kind of stand up comedy club or anything. So, needless to say, I was super excited. lol It was really funny. We had a good time.

Yesterday afternoon, mom and I went over to Vicki and Chris's house to celebrate Shawn's birthday. I had a great time. Tiffany was there also, so we finally got to hang out again. I hadn't seen her since my birthday party, a month ago.

At P.T. I asked if my friend Candace who got her new lungs earlier this year, was still in the hospital. She had come into the hospital when I was still inpatient post transplant. She has been having a rough time lately. Kristin (the PT) told me that she was still inpatient at the moment. But couldn't tell me anything else. (HIPPA laws) I also found out that my transplant buddy at rehab that I work out with, Joe, is back in the hospital. He got his transplant like a month or so before me and was doing awesome. I'm not sure what the problem is, since legally no one can give me any info without his or his family permission. But, please keep Candace and him in your thoughts and prayers!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it yet or not, but my Bronchiectasis twin Bree got her transplant recently on 7/8!!!!! I'm so psyched for her! Ironically, we both got our transplants very close to our birthdays. So we both got to celebrate our birthdays post tx, and o2 free!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Congrats again Bree! Check out her blog link under my links, it's called "The Blog Blog."

Well, I'm going to go find something to do. Or try at least. :) *POOF*

Shopping - the root of all evil.

2009-08-20T18:18:00.000-04:00

What's up People?

Hope everyone is well. Rehab has been a bitch this week. I think they are trying to kill me. lol Monday, I forgot and wore my flip flops to PT. B/c I was coming straight from Lexington and I had forgotten to pack my tennis shoes. So they worked my ass out. lol Then yesterday, b/c my ankle was hurting, Kristen had me do only 25 mins on the treadmill. I thought maybe she was letting me off easy. But, then she announced she would be walking me over to the new Quizno's at the hospital, to show me where it is. Which consisted of going outside and walking up about 25 steps. Whew! It was so hot outside!!! Plus the steps! I thought i was going to fall down in a puddle and die. But, I did better than I thought I'd do. So, finally, when we got back inside the PT department, I thought maybe I was done, but then she announced I had 15 minutes left. So she put me on the leg press machine. Which I really didn't mind, but then she set the weight to 25 lbs and I about shit myself. I had to do 3 sets of 10 leg presses at 25 lbs each time. I was exhausted and red all over from being hot and sweaty. That's the most I've ever sweated in like 17 years.

Today was one of my days off from Rehab, so Vicki and I went shoe shopping. I needed to get some decent tennis shoes for Rehab(since mine don't have backs on them and just slip on). We went to DSW and I ended up spending way too much money. I got 2 pairs of tennis shoes and like 3 or 4 pairs of other shoes, and some socks and heel inserts. Then we went to A.C. Moore which is like a Michael's. I spent way too much money in there too. All b/c I want to make a scrapbook of my transplant experience. Overall today, my wallet is severely damaged lol I have to remember to transfer some of my savings back into my checking lol But, at least I'll have some more supportive shoes to walk on the treadmill with. Hopefully, it will keep my ankle/s from hurting.

Luke and his friend have left this afternoon, on their "man journey" aka "Survival trip" down some river. I'm a bit worried. There's no telling what he might get himself into. At least I know he can take care of himself.

Anyways, I gotta take another hike up the Pilla-layas and maybe watch a movie. See ya later!

Back in L-Town, aka Stale -Town, aka Lex-Vegas, aka Lexington,NC. (home)

2009-08-16T15:17:00.003-04:00

What's up y'all!

I'm finally back in Lexington (Home) for a couple days. It's the first time I've been home since my transplant. It's been pretty good so far. We got home around 11 a.m. yesterday (Saturday). I took a nap for a while and then my friend Jonathan and I went to Sonic for dinner. YAY SONIC. Another first since transplant. Man I missed Sonic, something bad. lol It was a tasty treat. lol

Then, after dinner, I went to a party for my friend's birthday. It was good to get out and I got to see some people I hadn't seen in a long time, including a friend of mine that I hadn't seen since my transplant. (Brooke) Since I can't drive yet (sternum precautions) Brooke and her husband Josh came and picked me up for the party. It was fun and good to see everyone. I got home around 10:15 pm or so. Then watched a couple episodes of True Blood. Ahhh I finally got a fix. lol There is more to watch tonight before I'm all caught up. Man I miss my HBO and Showtime shows. Shit, I miss my DVR, period!

Today I went to church. I hadn't been since before my surgery. I'm glad I went but, when I went to do communion, I spilled my wine all over myself. lol Typical Meghann. Thanks a lot prograf! You suck! My hands were pretty shaky this morning, apparently lol The preacher acknowledged my presence and welcomed me back to church in front of the whole congregation, which was nice, but embarrassing b/c then everyone clapped. I hid behind my church program. lol

Right now, I'm hangin' out over at Lori Beth's house with her for the afternoon. I hadn't been online since before I left Chapel Hill to come home, so I hopped on via her laptop.

This morning around 8:00 am, my knee (the good one) woke me up. This is like, the 3rd time that this has happened. The other two times was back in Chapel Hill at the house we're staying at. Those times, my knee kept me up all night hurting when I was trying to sleep. This time I woke up from the pain shooting through it. NO matter what position I put it in, it still hurt super bad. So i had to get up early and wake my Mom up and get some pain medicine. It was hurting me so bad that I actually cried a little. I haven't even cried from my post tx chest pain. That's how bad the knee was hurting.

But, luckily the pain medicine helped in time for me to attend church. Probably b/c I took a lil extra than I normally do. (But well within my limit, of course!)But then, before church let out, the pain was starting to come back. So I had to take some more before I left to come over here to Lori's. I just don't understand why this knee is doing this. I would think it would be my bad one. The one with all the pins and the plate in it. I brought my pain med. with me over here, b/c I'm gonna be here for a while.

Later when I get back home to my parent's house I have a date with Neeko. I'm going to take him on our first REAL walk together. EVER. I'm so relieved that he seems happy to see me. He's been sitting with me a lot and paying me a lot of attention. I was worried that he wouldn't love me anymore or not really give a shit that I was there. Like, maybe he had forgotten about me. But he hasn't! Yay! I miss him when I go back to Chapel Hill tomorrow morning.

Later after I get back home to the 'rents house, my friend Emily is coming over. I haven't seen her since Halloween 08!!! Jonathan might come back over to watch some more True Blood. I'm not sure.

Tomorrow morning, around 8:00 am, I'm going to go by Physical Therapy at the hospital to see my girls. (my PT's for about 17 years on and off.) They are going to shit themselves when they see me without my o2. lol Then we're going to be on the road back to Chapel Hill by 9:00am b/c I have PT at 11:00 am.

Anyway, I wrote a book. My fingers are tired from typing. Until next time, stalkers. :)

In Rob's words, "I'm headin' out like a fetus!"

LOLOLOLOLOL

The Treadmill vs. The Cripple Knee : Treadmill - 1 Cripple Knee - 0

2009-08-12T14:32:00.000-04:00

What's up ya'll.

I'm home from Rehab (P.T.) and eating lunch at McAllister's Deli. MMmmm it sure was tasty. Rehab was good today, except I lifted my leg up while I was on the treadmill to scratch it and ended up slamming it into the front handles on it. OUCH! So i had to stop for about 30 seconds to rub the soreness out. Luke got a huge laugh out of that situation when I told him. lol It was my "bad" knee too. The one with all the metal in it. But, luckily I didn't hit it on the side with the pins in it. Whew. That could have been disasterous. But, aside from that, everything went well. I walked for 40 minutes and increased my speed all the way up to 2.3 mph. That is incredible fast for me. I did 2.3 for at least 10 or 15 minutes at the end. My legs and ankles are sooo tired. But, at least I survived! Woo Hoo! Slick Richie said that I did great and that they were going to have to start finding me more things to do b/c I'm getting too good on the treadmill. MUahahahahahaha. :) *evil grin*

My aunt Jane is here right now spending the afternoon, until her son (my cousin Matt) comes to pick her up. He lives in Durham and she is going to stay the night at his house. Then tomorrow, she is going to come back over here and stay the night with us. Also, Lori Beth is supposed to be coming up here this afternoon and staying the night with me. Mom, Lori, and I are going to support group tonight at 6pm and then afterwards, Wal-Mart. I need to get some more clothes to wear to rehab. Mom's paying with ther Sam's Club card. :) YAY. Thanks Mom!

Well, thats all for now. Tootles.

Bloggin' it up y'all.

2009-08-10T23:50:00.000-04:00

What's up y'all?

I'm back again. You'll never escape me!!! :) Hope everyone had a wonderful Monday. Ughhh I hate Mondays. But, actually, my day was pretty good. I had rehab like I mentioned in the last post. I surprised myself with how good I did. I broke a couple of my treadmill records. I actually walked for 45 mins non stop. Before, 40 mins was the max. I had walked on the "Beast." And also, I walked at 1.9 for a lot of the time, which is the fastest I've ever walked. Before my transplant, I couldn't walk more than like 1.2 or 1.3 without thinking I was going to pass out. So, Yay for me.

After rehab, we walked up to the 4th floor to the Tx clinic b/c I needed to make sure I had my appointment down for Friday. And I had left my personal copy of my PFT's from Friday in clinic, so I wanted to get another copy. After we left the clinic, we walked down to Anderson South, which is the unit I was on after ICU. I wanted to see the nurses for the first time since I got discharged. I saw a couple of them and then asked them if my friend Candace was still there on the floor. She had her double lung transplant earlier this year. But when I was in the hospital after mine, she was readmitted with some complications. Two weeks ago I was told by the social worker that she wasn't doing very well, so while I was at the hospital today visiting the floor, I asked them if she was still there b/c I wanted to see her. I found out she was in the ICU on the 2nd floor. (Where we all go straight after the transplant surgery) One of the nurses led us down there and went into the ICU to see if she could have visitors. She wasn't able to have visitors, but her parents were in there. They were upset and didn't want to talk at the time, so they gave the nurse permission to let me know what was going on with Candace. I won't go into it, b/c it's not my place to tell, but she's very sick right now and they don't know what is going to happen. It makes me so sad. It is so upsetting. I found myself crying in the hallway. Please keep her in your prayers!

I'm changing the subject before I cry again....

After we left the hospital, we were both hungry, so we went to Bailey's to eat lunch. Mmmmmm Bailey's. The food was excellent. And we had a really nice waitress. Plus it wasn't very crowded. That's always a plus. After we got home, I've just been hanging out, resting from rehab. And of course I talked to Luke. You know that is always a given. :)

My brother sent me another pic to my Crackberry today of my 'lil pomeranian prince, Neeko. I can't wait to go home on Saturday and see him. I want to hold his furry little body in my arms and squeeze him for hours. I hope he still loves me and doesn't feel like I've neglected him or ignored him on purpose. Surely he'll understand, right?

Well, I'm off for the night. Sleep well, my loyal followers. For tomorrow is another day. And you never know what it may bring!

Go lungs go.

2009-08-10T01:21:00.000-04:00

Hidey Ho, stalkers. :) (jk)

I hope everyone has had a good week and weekend. My week was decent. I just did the usual routine that I'm pretty much getting used to by now. Rehab on Mon, Wed and Friday, along with tx clinic on Friday as well. Rehab went okay this week. I had a couple minor issues that were Non-rehab related that kept me from doing as much as I could on a couple of the days, but nothing serious. I intend to make up for it this week. Tomorrow morning can't come soon enough. (Pysche Pysche, your momma ride's a motor bike.) lol For Seeeeerial though, I do want to kick ass in rehab from now on b/c I have a lot of travel plans to make for the not so distant future and I intend to be in shape so I can take the most advantage of my trips.

Where do I plan on traveling to, you ask? Lots of places. KY to see Luke, MD to see Monica and Mike (where we'll also go to DC since they live so close). Also, I intend on going to Wilmington one weekend in October I think it is, to attend a party with Emily and her brothers. And of course I will take a trip down to Myrtle Beach to see my Dad's side of the fam. I'd also like to save up some money and go on a cruise. But who knows if that will happen. lol I've been spending enough money as it is.

Clinic on Friday went well. I went up 5% on my FEV1. (Forced Expitory Volume over 1 second - part of the Pulmonary Function Tests,for you non-lung disease folks.) The blood work was good, except they said my liver stuff was elevated a little bit. But they said it could be from the Bactrim they started me on as a profalactic. So the Dr. just told me to quit taking it and they would recheck it next time. He said my x-ray looked the same, if not a little better. So that is good. My blood pressure was pretty high though. But, I think that was mostly b/c my mom and I weren't having a "good" day together, so I had already been arguing and stressed when I went into clinic. So, all in all, they said I was doing great, so that was a relief.

The one bad thing that they told me was NOT to sleep with a fan on. WHAT? Are they insane? I don't think that I can go the rest of my life without feeling that relaxing sound in my ears and comfortable breeze against my face while I sleep. They just don't understand. I will have to revisit this topic with them on Friday and see if I can make them see it my way. Wish me luck. lol

This weekend has been pretty laid back. Friday I don't think I did anything but rest after rehab and clinic. Then on Saturday, family and Nate and Susie came into town for Bo's belated birthday dinner. We went to Carborro to Tyler's Tap Room. Good food, HORRIBLE SERVICE. DON'T EVER GO THERE. My cousin said he and his wife have been to the one in Durham several times and it is great. So MAYBE i'll try there one day. BUT NEVER will I step foot in the one in Carborro again. It took them and Hour and half to seat us. And we got there at 7pm. Then it took them another hour to bring our food. And they didn't even take my appetizer order. they completely skipped me. So, I had to order my appetizer with my dinner. PLUS, they completely neglected to bring my cousin Matt's food at all. He finally got his food when we all were finished eating and they were taking our plates and bringing Bo's cake out. And speaking of the cake...we brought our own. Which they promptly informed us was against the health code and that they would be charging us $1 per person to eat our own cake. RE-FRICKEN-DICULOUS!!!!! We were about to leave, but everyone had come from out of town and was already there, so we decided to stay. I offered to pay the $11 extra dollars for the cake fee. I'm so sweet. :) But luckily, I didn't have to pay it b/c they waived the fee since we they gave us such shitty service and we had to wait so long to feed our face holes. My cousin Matt really let the manager have it when we were finished. It was AWESOME. Muahahahahaha. Take that, Tyler's Tap room!

Plus it was hot as hell in there. I was sweating like a whore in church and I had let my cousin borrow my only hair twisty. But that's okay. I love my cousin even though she pinches and it hurts like hell. And my gut hole sprung a leak before dinner and I had to go to the bathroom and fix that disaster. But besides all the negative, we enjoyed seeing everyone and Bo had a good time. Maybe a little too much of a good time, since he promptly passed out when we got back to the house in Chapel Hill. :) Happy Birthday Bortle!

Today, Mom and I went shopping at Stein Mart. It was the first time I'd ever been to a Stein Mart, b/c we don't have one in our town. It was pretty cool. I spent $85 of my birthday money on a new bag, some socks, a pair of panties, some Burt's Beez lip stuff, and a couple pairs of earrings. I also discovered that they had Kathy Von Zeeland bags. It took every ounce of my lung transplanted ass not to buy one..or two. But at least I know where to go to find them for cheaper. But, the new junk I bought wasn't the good part of the day. The good part was that it was the first time I went really shopping in 17 years without o2 or without being in a wheelchair or having to sit down every 5 minutes and rest. And we were there for like close to 2 hours. YAY ME! But, I was super tired and sore when we were done. So we stopped and ate some dinner and then came back to the house.

I'm beat. I got rehab tomorrow morning at 11. And of course have to start my treck up the Pill-alayas at 9:00 am. So...I will bid you good night. Have a good week.

Peace and chicken grease.

G-tubes are evil and can go to Hell!

2009-08-05T23:46:00.000-04:00

Hey Y'all.

I'm beat. Although today wasn't all that productive. I had rehab today of course. (It is Wed. isn't it) But, Mom and I gaged the time wrong and ended up getting there 10 min late. My appt. was at 1pm. We stopped to get lunch at Quizno's and Mom had to run in and get the food, then rush to P.T. Rich (the p.t.) was nice enough to let me eat and take my pills before I started working out. By the time I started it was like 1:30. I got on the treadmill and then 12 min. into it..the hole in my tummy from where they had the g-tube, sprung a leak from under the bandage. (sorry for graphic description, but hey, that's my life) So, I had to stop and change the bandage. By the time that was all done...It was time for my appt. to be over. He told me I was done for the day.

So, I took the walk of shame out of rehab with my head hanging low, after only accomplishing 12 min. worth of exercise. Thank goodness no one else was in there working out at the time. That would have been even more embarrassing!

Tonight, my friend that I hadn't seen in years, Stephenie went out to eat dinner at Bailey's. The food was good. Mmmm teriyaki chicken. It was good to catch up with her. It was just like old times. We are supposed to go shopping tomorrow after she gets off work. She's in Durham for a month for work. Yay. We both need to get birthday presents for our brothers.

On another note...the lone part of my incision scab is seesawing right on the edge of coming off. YAY. Then I will start putting some Vitamen E on the scar and hopefully manipulating it into becoming less and less noticible as time goes by. :) *fingers crossed* Not that it bothers me that bad. It really isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Dr. Haithcock did an amazing job. Thanks again Dr. Haithcock! Hopefully my g-tube wound will be all healed up and I can go swimming before the summer is over.

How else am I going to start my early training for the Tx Games next summer? :) Watch out all you games participants, THIS fish will be back in the water soon. Your medals will be MINE! Muahahahahahahahha! *cocky evil grin* Enjoy the pic below. It's an REAL oldie but a goody!

Luke is supposed to call me back, so I'm gonna get ready for bed while I'm waiting patiently. I'm off like my prom dress never came! (LOL)

Me circa 1980'something!

Out on the town!

2009-08-04T16:57:00.000-04:00

What's up Y'all!

Hope everyone is having a good Tues. It's good for me b/c it's one of my 2 days off during the week from Rehab. (Tues. and Thurs.) Yesterday was a busy day. I went to rehab and kicked the treadmill's ass. 40 minutes walking, without a break, sans 02. Then Mom and I went to Brueger's Bagels and got a cream cheese bagel. I'd never been there before. Man, those are some good bagels. After that we went to the grocery store. Stayed longer than I thought we would, so I didn't get home til around 4 pm and was exhausted.

But, alas, my day wasn't over. I rested for a little while, talked to my Luke for a few and then changed clothes. After putting on my makeup, Ann got over here to the house. We hung out for a little while and then left to go out to dinner. Just the two of us. It was awesome. My first night out on the town, sans O2, sans Mom. FREEEEEEEEDOM. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I got back home about 9:30. SO needless to say I was exhausted. Eventually when I got off the phone with my Babe again, I was ready to call it a night. But, couldn't sleep. So...I ended up staying up 'til 4 A.M. on the computer, organizing and editing ALL the photos on my computer.

I finally laid down and didn't sleep very well. Kept waking up. But, that was okay..b/c I knew I had the day off today. :) So today has been wonderful. All I've done is get up this morning, do all my morning transplant stuff, eat breakfast and then lay back down and nap. I got back up at 1pm and climbed the pillalayas once more and ate lunch. It's been a great, lazy day. I needed to rest.

Tonight, dinner is being cooked for the house in the dining room. We signed up to eat. BBQ Chicken. MMMM. It will be the first time i've left the comfort of our suite all day. :) But for food...it's worth it!

Below is a pic of Ann and I last night before we went out to eat. Enjoy!

Oxygen, Shmoxygen. Pshh!

2009-08-03T00:31:00.000-04:00

What's up my loyal followers! :)

I'm back! As you most of you know or have heard or read through various social networking sites that I can't drag myself away from, even in the hospital after major cardio-thoracic surgery - I officially have new lungs! WOO HOO! I got my transplant on June 21. (Father's Day - thanks Daddy!) I was in the hospital for a month. I got out on Mon, July 20. Three days before my 29th birthday. What a great birthday gift, huh? BREATH. LIFE. A FUTURE. It's all so surreal, still. Ha that rhymed. :)

I was in the hospital for so long b/c my new lungs had a reprofusion injury. (look it up lol) It's not uncommoon, in fact I think it may happen to most people, on varying degrees. But don't quote me on that. They weren't too concerned with it. It's been healing and looks better each x ray. So that's a good thing. And also the 2nd or 3rd week post tx, (tx stands for transplant if you didn't know already) after I was already on the regular floor, I developed a bit of acute rejection that they quickly treated with heavy duty I.V. steroids for 3 days. Wow those were some miserable days! lol I had a slight mental breakdown the last day or so. Prednisone is no joke, y'all! Already having anxiety disorder, this whole transplant experience has been a bit nervewrecking for me. Thank God, they had Ativan on hand when I needed it. I don't think I could have emotionally survived without it at times.

I don't remember much of anything aobut the days I was in ICU b/c they had me so drugged and out of it. But, apparantly according to my Mom, I was pretty vocal. And stubborn. And a bit bitchy. And snappy. Especially when they got me up to walk. She said I yelled at them to all get out of my room and to leave me alone. I also apparantly cussed out one of the respitory therapists. And called a nurse Rhinocerous. But, in my defense..my MOm said some of the Dr.'s that saw me in ICU said some unncessary things to me, very unprofessional things. She had to go off on a few of them. My cantankernous became a bit of a known thing during those weeks in the hospital. They kept asking Kristin (My physical therapist - who I already knew pretty well) if I was "Normally like this." Tehehehehehe :) Also, my friend Lori told me I also kept trying to convince her that "they" were trying to kill me and not to let "them" near me. I must have been pretty out of it.

After the rejection was treated, things started moving along quicker and I was able to do more, etc, etc. But, because of the roadbumps, I was slow to get off my O2. So, I ended up leaving the hospital with it. I was using it for walking still and when I slept. But, now I can pretty much say that i'm officially FREE from the O2 and the choke hold it's leash had on my life. WOO HOO.

My surgeon, Dr. Haithcock is amazing. Very talented and obviously knows what he's doing. My incision is damn near as perfect as it can get. They DID have to cut my sternum though. So, I may hurt a little longer than those that don't have to get theirs cut. I've been on sternum precautions b/c of it. My PFT's (Pulmonary Funtion Tests) results have increased a lot! And they say that they should keep getting better and better. My weight has been up and down, back and forth, left and right, etc. And of course my face is getting fat from the prednisone. :-( Not happy about that. But, hey at least I can breathe. I got my chest tube stitches out on Friday (the 27th) so they feel a bit better and are healing up.

The hospital food was actually halfway decent. Well...it was pretty edible most of the time. There were those days that it looked like something I'd rather starve than eat. But, Luckily for me, Mom was there so on those days she just went to one of the in-house cafe eatery places and got me some real food. Yay for Mom's. Although, we have been together every day since June 21st. So, needless to say, it hasn't always been pretty. But, I couldn't have done it without her. My friends have been great also. Coming as far away as Lexington (hometown) just to visit me, repeatedly some of them. I'm so lucky to have such wonderful friends and family. My brother has been up here most weekends which has been great.

As previously mentioned, my birthday was on July 23rd. Three days after I was released from medical prison. I wanted to have a big bash and celebrate since I had gotten the best early birthday gift EVER. We had the party on Sat. instead of on my birthday on Thurs. b/c then people were off work and could come. We all went out to eat at this place here in Chapel Hill called Bailey's Grill and Pub. One of the Physical therapists at the hospital suggested it. The food was awesome. And apparantly the beer and alcohol was too, cuz my party sure was guzzling it down. :) (those of you know who you are) HEHE. I wore a big tiara on my head, in typical queen fashion. B/c it was MY night to celebrate. :) It was the first time some of my friends had seen me without O2 in years and years. Some of them had NEVER seen me without O2. So it was definitely a night to remember. Although there were some people missing that couldn't come that I wish could have been there. But, all in all, it was wonderful to celebrate my birthday with so many friends and family.

I have rehab (physical therapy) every Mon. Wed. and Fri. and also for right now, I have to go to transplant clinic every Friday morning as well. They draw blood to check my medication levels, do a chest x-ray, PFT's and then I see the Pulmonologists and sometimes the surgeon and ALWAYS Ken, my coordinator. Unless he's off work or out of town. Then Becky (the other coordinator) sees me. Friday she gave me the go ahead to go home for the weekend. I didn't this weekend, but weekend after this coming weekend, I will probably go home for the night Sat. I can't wait to see my dog and really walk him for the first time.

That's all for now. I have finally posted. Now it's bedtime. Nighty Night. :)

Back and better than EVER!

2009-07-29T01:22:00.001-04:00

Just letting everyone know that I will be updating soon! Stay tuned for my first post with new "puffers"! :) Thanks to everyone for their support, well wishes and prayers!!! STAY TUNED!

TO BE CONTINUED...................................................

Vampire Lovin'

2009-06-14T16:39:00.000-04:00

What's up Y'all.

Tonight is finally here!!!!! Ohhhhh it's so wonderful! It's the Season 2 premier of True Blood on HBO! Ohh happy day!!! I'm so excited I could pee myself. I can't wait to see more vampire lovin' and drama. How can anyone not like this show? Now Dexter just needs to come back on and all will be right with the world. But, alas..I have to wait until this fall to see the return of my favorite psychopathic, serial killing, criminalist! But, I digress.

Jonathan is my True Blood roaddog. I told him that he better be here by 9pm or ELSE. I know that we will have to watch it back in my room b/c my step dad has the den wired with booby traps anytime anyone tries to use the T.V. in there. And I don't feel like loosing any fingers or toes tonight when I try to pick up HIS motor controller. (I kid, I kid..but seriously, you'd think we were trying to steal his kidney or somethin'.) So this brings me to a slight dilema. My room. It looks like a crime scene. The afertmath of a tornado. An earthquake. I have to clean :-( I can't have anyone back there to watch t.v. in that mess. Gahhh! I hate cleaning more than anything. SO I guess that's what I'll be doing the rest of the afternoon.

Last night I watched the movie Gran Turino with Clint Eastwood. Normally I'm not a big Clint Eastwood movie fan. But, when I saw the previews for it, I immediately wanted to see it. So, last night when I saw it on movies on demand, I bought it. It was pretty good. I recommend it. I give it 4 out of 5 O2 tanks!

Okay. I'm off like Paris Hilton's panties!

Bipappin' it!

2009-06-12T14:02:00.000-04:00

Hello, my loyal followers!!

It's Friiiiidayyyyyyy, bitches! Not that I have overly exciting plans this weekend. But, you know. I can still get excited about Fridays. Even if I don't work or go to school during the week. So, bite me! :) I guess I will go down to the pool this weekend. I'm a bit worried though b/c the last thing I want is to get more sunburn. I'll have to put on a 70 SPF sunscreen or somethin'. Like mentioned in my last blog post, I'm STILL peeling from the sunburn that I got from the beach. Now my legs are peeling too, not just my arms.

So, today I went to the walk in bipap clinic at Lincare. I needed a new mask b/c mine is falling apart. When I was at my pulmo. appointment the other day, my Dr. told me to ask Lincare about possibly switching out my bipap machine. I told her that when I was in the hospital I didn't have any sleep episodes and that I was using the hospital's bipap machine. So, she suggested that maybe the reason why I'm still having them is because my machine is messed up. So, today I asked the respiratory therapist about it at Lincare. He checked my machine and said everything was working properly. THEN, he told me something that both excited and disgusted me at the same time.

He told me that there is a special bipap machine called an "auto bipap" and it basically does the same thing they do during a sleep study at the sleep clinic. I was FLOORED. He said that it, of course, doesn't monitor the brain stuff but it does monitor the changes in your breathing while you sleep. So, in other words, it SHOULD be able to show what the hell is happening to me when I have these sleep episodes! It was like music to my ears. I was so excited. But, then I got a bit annoyed. No, more than a BIT annoyed. I got very annoyed. EXTREMELY annoyed. I had asked more than once in Chapel Hill if there was not someway that we could monitor me in my sleep from home. The answer was always NO. That I HAD to drive all the way up there and stay the night in the sleep clinic hooked up to all that crap in order for them to see what was going on while I slept. Now I'm pissed that I had to go through 3 sleep studies to find out absolutely NOTHING. When I could have just stayed home in my own bed and slept more comfortably, which would have probably gotten better results. So, I emailed my doctor and told her about it and asked her to fax an order to Lincare so I can get the ball rolling with this home sleep study via autobipap. I pray that it works well enough to find out what the hell is going on with my breathing at night! Keep your fingers crossed!

Aside from that news, there is nothing else to report.

I hope you all have a lovely, exciting weekend. I'm off like a prom dress!

Shedding is for the snakes!

2009-06-09T21:04:00.001-04:00

Hey Y'all!

I hope everyone is well. It has been quite a while since I wrote. I just haven't really had the urge or been in the mood. Sorry to have left all of you hangin', waiting for a post. I'm sure you were all checking and rechecking the blog constantly, waiting impatiently for a new post to arrive. HEHE :) Just kidding! That's what I've told myself at least. :)

Nothing new is going on really. I do have a slight bit of good news to report. I have lost 1 lb. YAY! I'm on my way to shedding my lardassness. Speaking of shedding, I am looking like a snake shedding it's skin these days. After nearly becoming a 3rd degree burn victim at the beach, I've been peeling like hell. It started like two weeks ago and it hasn't stopped yet. It's driving me crazy. It makes me feel freakishly unnatractive. Like I could be an act in a circus freak show. "Behold the Amazing Shedding Woman!" It's ridiculous! When will it end???

On a good note, the pool is now officially opened for the summer. Yay! So, now I can go swimming. I plan on doing some walking in the pool with Mom and Charm. Hopefully, that combined with the treadmill will help me to lose some of this weight. Mom and I attempted to start pilates also. It was insane. My knee wasn't right for DAYS afterwards. LOL. Oh, to be young again and limber. And to not have 7 pins and a plate in your knee and pin in your hip. Ohhhh..Memories! :)

I had an appointment with my pulmonologist in Chapel Hill last Wed. It went well. Thats how I found out that I lost a lb. That was the best news I've heard in a while. Everything else checked out good. She even complimented me and told me that I looked great with a little extra weight on me. She said that I looked sexy and voluptous, like a real woman! :) Well that's good, considering I'm almost 29! :) HEHE. After the appointment Mom and I stayed for support group, then went home.

Sunday, I went to the zoo with my friend Nate, his wife Susie and son Jonathan. It was fun. I took a lot of pics of the animals and spent a crapload of money on simple things like drinks and snacks. But, it was worth it. The only bad thing was that I got a little sunburnt again. Oh well. Shit happens.

Today I walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I ROCK. Then I was so tired, I promptly laid down and fell asleep for an hour and half until dinner was ready. I've been so tired lately that I've been napping a whole lot.

Gotta go. Here's to me getting THE call soon! Later y'all! Enjoy the pics below!

My friend Lori and I and her son Keegan at the pool!!!

The polar bear at the zoo!

False alarm transplant call during the beach trip - Oops forgot to mention it!

2009-05-26T16:44:00.001-04:00

Hey!

I can't believe that I forgot to mention the most exciting thing of all during my beach trip. I got my false alarm transplant call. We had only been there for 10 minutes. It was late, 1:30 in the morning on thursday, and Becky called me on my cell phone. She told me that the surgeons may be going to look at some lungs for me. But, that she was hesitant about the lungs b/c a lot of folks had already passed on the lungs and that the donor had a questionable history with smoking and other things. Long story short...They didn't go look at the lungs so I didn't have to turn around and make another hours long trip to Chapel Hill from the beach. Thank God! B/c I was sooo tired from the car ride there anyway. All I wanted to do was lay down and go to sleep. But it was very exciting to get the call. I asked her when she called if she felt like I would be getting THE call soon and she told me yes! Needless to say, I called everyone I am close to and told them all about my false alarm call. Maybe next time it will be the real thing! :) I can't believe I forgot to write that in my last post!

I'll write again soon!

Home from the beach!

2009-05-25T16:03:00.001-04:00

Hey Y'all!

I'm back from the beach! And I'm as red as a lobster who's been boiling in a pot on the stove! I got sooooo sunburnt. I only went out on the beach 2 days b/c I was so burnt, I refused to step foot on the sand again! We didn't do much while we were there. Just hung out, hit the beach and went shopping a little bit. We ended up going out to eat a couple times for dinner. The first place was a seafood place (Uggh gross) so I ended up getting chicken fingers that were okay. The salad was good. The 2nd place was supposed to be really good. The motzarella sticks were decent, but my fries were cold as hell and the bread was a little hard on my sammich. Charm said her food was horrible. So we were all a bit disapointed with that place.

In order to get into the place we stayed in, there was like 2 sections of 8 stairs. So, needless to say, I definitely got my pulmonary rehab while I was there at the beach. The last time I walked up the stairs, my bad knee started screaming at me that this would be the LAST time she was climbing any stairs for a long time. Luckily, we were leaving the next day so I just didn't leave the house anymore until I walked down to go to the car to leave for home. :) Also, I had forgotten how difficult it could be to walk on sand! The neighbor had a golf cart, so he drove me to the beach entrance and dropped me off and picked me back up each time. That was super nice of him. Other wise my mom would have had to drive me across the street and find somewhere to park.

But, now we're home. My skin is still on fire slightly and now itching like crazy. I still look like a lobster. I hope this redness dies down and turns into a tan. The pool opens this weekend, so I'm super excited. I'm ready to go swimming. We noticed on our way into the neighborhood that they had already filled it full of water. Yay!

Well, I'm falling asleep, so I think I'm going to take a nap before dinner. Talk at ya later!

Life's a beach...or it will be soon!

2009-05-19T17:24:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all!

Today has been pretty slow and boring. Nothing interesting going on to report. I've just been sitting around bored as hell, playing on myspace and facebook. Ughh. I have no life. I wish I'd get my call soon! I'm getting so impatient!

We've been working on getting packed for the beach and all that. Mom is driving me crazy about the o2 plans. I've been on the phone 1000 times with the o2 people so far b/c she won't get off my back about it. Grrr! She can be so frustrating to deal with sometimes! She is making me not even want to go anymore. :-(

Luke was able to sneak and call me last night so that made my day, or should I say, night :) I swear, lung disease or no lung disease, I never would have been able to survive being in the ARMY. Sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag in 40 degree weather? I Don't think so. People yelling at you and telling you what to do all the time? I think not. Not this chick! I enjoy the finer things in life...like clean toilets and showers, piping hot extra cheese pizza whenever I want, privacy and cable t.v. I really don't know how he's endured all these years as a soldier.

Anywho's...I gotta go set the table for dinner. Mac & Cheese and pigs in a blanket...MMMM! "Get in my bellyyyyy!"

P.S. I added a few more pics to the slide show. Enjoy.

Bikins and Moo-Moos oh my!

2009-05-18T18:32:00.001-04:00

Hello my loyal followers!

I hope every one is having a good Monday. (Booooo Mondays!) I began my Monday off with the gift of a sleep episode, courtesy of the Sleep Episode Monster. Woo hoo! Nothing like a sleep episode to start off your week. Actually, I had one yesterday as well. Which couldn't have come at a worse time b/c I had promised my Mom that I would go with her to church. I forced myself to get out of bed even though I could barely stay awake and slowly got dressed. By the time we got there, I thought I had a pretty good chance of being able to make it through church but I was mistaken. I couldn't stay awake for anything! So half way through church I asked Mom if she could take me home b/c I was just embarrasing myself falling asleep in the pew. Luke says that I must have been possessed by a sleep demon to have not been able to stay awake in church. I guess that demon can join the rest of the ones possessing my mind and body. haha :)

After church yesterday Mom took me shopping, yay! Since we're going to the beach late Wed. night she said that I needed some more pairs of shorts since only two of mine still fit me. And she said she'd get me a swimsuit also. I was afraid that I might not fit in my bikini's since I've become such a lardass. I had planned on getting a cute one piece, like maybe a monokini, but unfortunately Lexington blows when it comes to having a lot of choices when you are shopping for ANYTHING. So all the one pieces that we could find were made for 40 year olds and above. And although I'm not proud of my weight gain as of late, I'm no where near ready for one of those moo moo's! :) SO, I ended up buying a bikini instead. Which I really didn't want to do but it was either that or a moo-moo suit. Oh well. It will only be for a few days. I have all summer to get a cute one piece.

Mom also bought me a pair of shorts, some capris, a skirt and about 3 or 4 tops. :) I'm super psyched! AND...I bought myself 4 new pairs of shoes. Don't fret, they were all on sale. :) So now, I'm all ready for the beach. I just wish the weather was going to be better than the forecast predicts. Oh well. Such is life.

Victoria and I made a pact that we will both walk on the treadmill every day. I will walk for 10 minutes a day and she will walk for 12 minutes. It has taken every ounce of self discipline that I can muster to actually follow through with this hellacious pact. But, with help from Luke's verbal kick in the ass to get me going, I've actualy done it! I've walked on the treadmill 3 days in a row and my legs are rebelling. Hopefully the more I keep doing it, the less pain I will feel.

I'm going to be so bored the next few days until I go to the beach b/c Luke has been kidnapped by the Army and forced into some sort of field training. I'm not sure what kind of training, but I'm relatively sure that it involves shooting guns and/or blowing shit up. But, now I won't be able to talk to him until he gets back. :-( BOOOOOO! So, I may end up blogging more the next few days. We'll see.

Anyways, time for me to eat my pizza. Jealous? HAHA. :)

As the O2 Tank Turns.....

2009-05-15T19:00:00.001-04:00

What's up Y'all. *sigh*

I'm finally home from "The Thrill" (Chapel Hill - transplant clinic) and I am so freakin' tired!!!!!! I had to get up at 7 A.M. so we could leave by 8:00 and I couldn't sleep very well all night. I kept tossing and turning. So, I was already tired when I started my day. It took me like 45 mins. to find something to wear. Okay - maybe I spent 15-20 of those mins. talking to Luke {my new man} but, hey - who's keeping tabs? I know I'm not! Anywho's, everything I put on had some reason why I couldn't wear it. Being either too warm or too short or too revealing (thanks Boob Fairy!) or too thin, making my bra too noticible. Getting dressed turned into a war in itself. Finally we left the house at 10 past 8:00.

Because we were running a little late, we were rushing to get there in time. Well, everything was going fine until Mom decided she wanted to waste a chunk of cash by getting a speeding ticket. I was like, "gahhhhh mom!" The cop was a total jackass. Mommy tried explaining that she was just trying to get me to the hospital (pan over to the poor helpless oxygen girl in the passenger seat). I even gave him my best "AHh! My lungs!!!" pained face but it STILL didn't affect him. He still wrote my Mom a speeding ticket. It was turning out to be such a wonderful start to the day!

As Mom steered me wrecklessly into transplant clinic via the World's Most Uncomfortable Wheelchair, I was immediately intercepted by Kristen. (transplant team Physical therapist) She informed me that she was taking me (by force if necessary) to do a 6 min. walk. I pouted but to no avail. She was out for blood and wouldn't take no for an answer.

After my 6 min. walk was completed, I finally was taken to a room where my vitals were taken. My blood pressure was high (140/90) but the nurse said it was probably because I just finished the 6 min. walk. I hope she's right! Damn these cold hearted lungs!!!!

Then............I stepped on the scales. When the numbers had finally ceased their flashing and I saw the end result....I went blind with rage. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! WHY ME!!!" I had gained MORE weight!!! Now, instead of the 115 lbs from my previous weigh in, I was 117. I was so pissed off, I wanted to set fire to the scales. The only thing that probably stopped me was that I don't own a lighter and that I probably would have caught on fire myself.

After that depressing display of my lardassness, I was taken to my room to be stabbed in the arm and drained of my blood. At least it was only 3 vials worth this time, as opposed to the 10 or more they took the last time I was there. By this time it was like 1 pm or so. I hadn't eaten since I inhaled a honey bun in the car on the way up there this morning and I was hungry. After the blood letting, I was once again whisked away to the Torture Room, otherwise known as the PFT room. My FEV1 has gone up 1 point from 18 to 19. So, I guess that is good? Even though 19 isn't anything to write home to Momma about.

After I settled back into my room, I spent about 45 minutes talking to and texting Luke while waiting for the Dr. She eventually came in and everything went smoothly from there. Everything checked out okay and I don't need to get my oil changed again for another 3 months. :) Although, she did tell me that my white count was slightly elevated which could indicate the beginnings of an infection. So, she gave me a prescription for an oral antibiotic (Cipro) just to be cautious and went on her merry little way.

Before we left, we saw Becky, the other coordinator (My coordinator, Ken, wasn't there) and she shared some interesting information with me. What is this info you ask? Stay tuned and you will find out in the next episode of As the O2 Tank Turns!

..................................SIKE!!!!!!!! Just kidding! I had you fooled!! Admit it!!! You were pouting, weren't you!!? :)...................................

Becky told me that they are having 3 to 4 offers of lungs for ME per week now. Cool, huh? :) She said that felt like I would be getting my transplant soon. Which, on one hand is super exciting..but on the other hand, I don't want to get too excited or put too much stock in her prediction b/c they have told me that before months ago. Plus, I waited over 3 years the first time, before going off the list. So, who knows! But it is definitely nice to know that I'm on the radar!

Also, I'm happy b/c she told me that I can go over to see Vickie's house and hang out, as long as I don't go when I'm feeling sick and that I don't get all in his face or hug up to him. :) YAY!!!!!!! I'm not banned anymore!!! WOO HOO!!! Mom and I were supposed to have lunch with Garran and Vickie today after clinic. Garran had clinic this morning also. But, we ended up not getting to do lunch. :-( But at least I got to see them at clinic in passing. G-man looked great and so full of energy. He even proudly showed me where he had his G-tube removed. YAY for Garran!!!

Okay, thats all I have to report about my clinic visit. I'm tired as hell so I'm going to stop here before I ramble on for another hour. I have more texting to do. :)

I'm off like a prom dress!!!!

Transplant clinic tomorrow.

2009-05-15T01:49:00.001-04:00

What's up Y'all.

It's been a while since I've posted but there hasn't been much to talk about. Same old, same old. It's 1:45 a.m. right now and I'm about to call it a night. Especially since I have to get up in a little over 5 hours. Tomorrow I have a transplant clinic appointment in Chapel Hill. I'm sure there will be something to report on afterwords, there usually is at least. So, I'll update tomorrow afternoon when I get home. I'm looking forward to seeing Vicki, Chris and the kids and having lunch with them! It's been a while.

Until tomorrow!

Yes Margaret, there IS a Boob Fairy!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-30T02:22:00.000-04:00

Hey Y'all.

I've actually been feeling pretty well the last few days, for once. I've spent a lot of time with my friend Lori and my friend Jonathan. It has been beautiful outside and warm. Summer is right around the corner and I'm super excited about that. Except for one thing: my new arch nemesis, the GUT. I've spoken about this horrid new lump of lard around my middle quite a few times on here lately.

How the hell am I supposed to squeeze this body into my bikinis? Something has to change, and quickly! I plan on spending most of my summer down at the pool. And I refuse to go down there looking like this. I'm not used to having a huge belly and it's really pissing me off. If I outgrow one more pair of jeans or shorts, I think I'm going to scream until I can't breathe and pass out. The other day I put on a Small thong and 4 hours later, I had painful deep indentations in my skin from the elastic in it!!! I'm surprised I wasn't numb from the ass down!

The time is now people. My body is sending out a Fat Kid Alert that has reached the infamous level of Code "Red Twizzler." I've decided that this calls for drastic measures. YES, folks, MORE EXERCISE. I bought a mat and pilates dvd from Wal Mart. I am going to attempt to do some pilates. This, in addition to the treadmill, will hopefully help to erase some of this gut. *fingers crossed* If anyone has any suggestions of something I can do to help me tighten my stomach (aka lose this pony keg) that isn't too taxing on my breathing, please let me know.

While I may be having trouble adjusting to this new tub o' lard, there is one not so horrible side effect that I'm experiencing. My tits have become gi-normous!!!!!!! I have noticed it a bit, off and on, but I didn't realize just how much larger they are until I went out to dinner last night with Lori and her mother. As usual, my only shorts were dirty due to the fact that I only have 2 pairs of shorts that fit me now. (both bought recently b/c I outgrew all my others) Because it was so hot outside, I wanted something cool to wear, so I put on one of my favorite dresses that is both comfortable and cute. I knew that it showed a little cleavage, but hey, I was feeling good and spring is in the air, so why not show off a little, right? Well, I had no idea the surprise I was about to get. As I pulled on my dress, thankful that it still fit in the first place, I was shocked when my tits damn near popped out to blind me! THEY LOOKED HUGE!!!!!!!!!!

Floored, I was both a little self concsious and gleefully excited as I peered down at my massive cleavage in awe. The new and improved twins were here and ready to flaunted!!! And apparantly, they weren't going to take no for an answer!

So kiddies, the moral to my story is, God really DOES answer prayers! (hahahhahahah) So never stop praying! :)

I hope you are all having a great week! Stay away from that evil Swine Flu!!!!!

This is the dress that I wore last night at dinner. But, almost a year ago. lol

Hair, Makeup, Stat!

2009-04-23T20:17:00.001-04:00

I’m back! And ready for my close up!!! :)

Greetings from Hollywood! Okay, well maybe not HOLLYWOOD, but hey, a girl can dream can’t she?!

My interview on Tues. morning went good. Kimberly Van Scoy was super cool and nice. And she is so pretty! She’s such a natural at her job. I was sooo nervous at first but she quickly put me at ease. It’s not everyday that you have a big ass t.v. camera pointed on you while you’re being interviewed.

I posted the video link on my facebook page. Aside from the fact that I looked like I ate my weight in food before the interview and that I sounded like Brittany Spears with asthma, all in all, I think the interview was a success. Y’all check it out and tell me what you think! Click on the link below!

My Interview

Moving right along, yesterday I had to go to Chapel Hill to get my I.V. yanked, see the doctor and go to support group. Now I am officially I.V. free and couldn’t be happier! WOOO HOOO! I would like to thank Percocet, for which I would have never been able to get through the painful first few days of the I.V. or the painful removal of said I.V.

I had a good doctor’s visit, everything went well on that front. Then we barely had enough time to get to the support group meeting before it started.

It was a great meeting. The transplant surgeon Dr. Haithcock spoke and I learned a lot that I didn’t know before hand, about rejection and other transplant related things. He is very down to earth and I feel confident in his abilities as a surgeon.

Then, after group, Jonathan and I (my friend who took me to chapel hill) went out to dinner with Victoria and her fam. to Ruby Tuesdays. Mmmm my favorite! I got my favorite meal and enjoyed every last minute of it.

We finally got home last night around 11 p.m. and I was exhausted. I’d had a long day. But, instead of going straight to sleep like I planned, what did I do when I got home? I stayed up ‘til 3:00 A.M. playing fuckin’ Farm Town in Facebook! Arrgghhh!!! Those animals don’t wanna be fenced in for shit!!! I was determined that I wasn’t going to lay down ‘til I had at least 3 of them in the fence. And that’s exactly what I did. Meghann – 1, Animals – 0.

I’m falling asleep. So I better go before I end up face down in this laptop. Toodles!

Lights, Camera, ACTION!

2009-04-20T19:25:00.001-04:00

Hey Ya’ll what’s up!

I know it’s been a little while since I wrote. I haven’t had a lot of motivation lately. I’ve just been sitting around and sleeping a lot. And adjusting to being truly single for the first time in almost four years. Although I’ve been tired a lot and unmotivated, I feel like I’m emotionally in a good place for the first time in a long time. I wouldn’t say I’m happy, per say, but closer than I’ve come in a long time. I’m looking forward to the future with new lungs and new experiences.

Here’s the big news….Kimberly Van Scoy of Channel 11 news is coming to my house tomorrow morning to interview me!!! She wants to hear my story and talk about organ donation, etc. I’m excited but really nervous! She will be here at 8:00 a.m. so that means I have to get up at like 6:30 so Mom can help me fix my hair! I hope I don’t make a fool of myself! Wish me luck!

On the transplant front, my coordinator called me the other day and told me that my L.A.S. (Lung Allocation Score for those of you that aren’t familiar with the lung transplant lingo) did, in fact, go up a bit. So yay!!!! It’s still not very high compared to most folks, but any increase is better than nothing. Right?

My pulmonologist called me the other day and told me that my Tobrimyacin levels were too high, so she told me to stop taking it!!! Yay! No more I.V. antibiotics. So right now, all I have to do is flush it once a day until Wed. Then on Wed. I have an appointment to get it yanked in the Vascular lab and then I have an appointment with her (my pulmonologist) at 3:30.

Then, after my pulmo. appt. I’m meeting Victoria and the fam for dinner and then it’s off to support group at 6:00. Dr. Haithcock is speaking. (he’s one of the lung transplant surgeons) I’m looking forward to support group since I haven’t actually been in person in a while.

Anyway, that’s all that’s been going on with me lately, so if you didn’t know, now you know!!! :) I’ll catch y’all later!

Peas.

Hoppy Easter Weekend!

2009-04-13T17:15:00.001-04:00

What’s up Bitches?

I hope everyone is having a happy Easter long weekend! My weekend has been pretty good. Well aside from having this IV in my arm still!

On Saturday my brother and I went to Carborro to my friend Tiffany’s Lungiversary party. It was to celebrate the 5 year anniversary of her 2nd double lung transplant! Even though I wasn’t feeling all that great physically, I wanted to attend anyway! I’d been looking forward to it. I gave her a pretty silver organ donation ribbon pendant that was covered with green cubic zirconias. I bought myself one too. :) She loved it, so that was good!

We had dinner at this neat restaurant called Southern Rail or Railway, can’t remember exactly. The tables were in train cars. The food was pretty good, especially the nachos! Then after dinner we went next door to a bar called the Station. It was awesome b/c it was was smoke free! YAY!!! My friend Victoria (Garran’s mom) met everyone at the bar, so it was good to see her again.

We stayed until around 10 pm then left to go home. I was getting tired and needed to do my IV antibiotic. I hooked up to the IV in the car. It only takes about 30-45 for the medicine to finish.

Sunday morning, I went to church with my Mom for Easter. She bought me a new dress to wear! So I felt pretty for once. :) Despite the IV. But then again, perhaps it was the perfect accessory! HEHE :) But, I had had a sleep episode, so I was so tired during church that I kept falling asleep and dropping my program. OOps! :)

We ate a really good lunch! I’m actually going to eat leftovers for dinner in a little while. It was very tasty.

Anyways, I’m off! Check out the pic below, from Tiffany’s Lungiversary party! I’m gone!

Yippeeeee!

2009-04-10T03:10:00.001-04:00

Hey Y’all!

You won’t believe what I got tonight!!! A new laptop!!! Holy shit! I’m in shock myself! Its pretty! It’s a long story how it became to be mine. But, I’m fucking stoked!!! Now I just need new lungs and all will be right with the world!!!

I’ll write more tomorrow! *skips off happily*

Paroled!

2009-04-08T01:02:00.001-04:00

Hey Y'all!

I've been paroled! I'm finally home after 4 days of being in the hospital. I'm feeling a lot better, although of course not 100%. Probably won't be feeling that way until sometime after I finish my course of IV antibiotics. I'm having to do them at home. :-( Which sucks, but it's better than being inpatient in the hospital.

Although, I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss seeing my beautiful, sexy male doctors that were looking after me during my incarceration. :) Oh man. They were so sexy. I will miss them. *sigh*

I was so relieved b/c I didn't have any sleep episodes in the hospital. But, what happens when i get home? Last night I had a really bad one! I was so out of it when I woke, that the guy that brought my IV meds gave me the paper to sign and i just stared at it, trying to get my head together. It took me like 10 minutes to sign my name. He had to re explain it to me like 3 times b/c my head was so messed up. I couldnt focus my eyes and i kept falling asleep! It was horrible.

So then I got up and the nurse came to do my first IV dose. Then I went back to sleep. And had ANOTHER one! :-( I don't understand why it didn't happen at the hospital for 4 nights, but then I come home and it happens twice in 24 hours. :-( Oh well.

I'm going to lay down and sleep for the night. Ill holler later.

Incarcerated - Hospital stay '09

2009-04-04T08:17:00.002-04:00

Hey Y'all

I'm writing from the nurse's computer in my hospital room. So YAYYYYYYYYYYYY! I have the net!!! But, right when I thought God was smiling down on me and blessing me with internet access, I was bitchslapped in the face. B/c some bitch ass at the hospital decided to block Facebook!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It won't even let you open the site! So, me, being the sneaky sneakster that I am, thought perhaps I could hack into the browser or internet settings and fix it. But they even blocked access to the fuck'n settings!!!! Bastards! They are so cruel!

I have to quit talking about it or I'm going to cry...so...

They've started me on IV tobi and levaqin. I get the tobi at 9 am, the levaquin at 10 am and then the Tobi again at 9pm. And of course I get to hit the albuterol pipe like 3 or 4 times a day, follwed by chest PT's. So far the blood work has come back and they said it all looks great. So that's good. Now they're waiting to read the results of the chest x-ray and the sputum culture. I hope they come back as okay too.

I've had to be hooked up to their bipap machine b/c I didn't bring mine. Smart move , I know. So the mask they have here is insane. I fought hard with it and eventually won the battle and was able to get some much needed sleep.

I have 2 really hot Dr.'s. One is German, straight off the boat and he has the most beautiful eyes. I want to marry him and have his little blue eyed german babies. The other one is really cute as well. I cant remember their names, but they are freakin hot.

So all in all, my spirits are still up and I'm feeling a bit better already. I'll post again later probably, seeing as how I'm bored and there is no facebook. :-(

'Til later.

I hate you, lungs.

2009-04-03T11:44:00.001-04:00

Hey Y'all.

*sigh* Once again, I'm going into the hospital to start some IV antibiotics. Right on cue. It seems to always happen in April. It's like my lungs have a force field around them that lasts only 11 months. Then, at some point during the 12th month (usually within the first 2 weeks) I'm forced to go into the "big house" for some much needed IV rejuvenation.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to get online while I'm there. I probably doubt it, since my laptops don't work right now. I'm supposed to be there over the weekend, then hopefully get a PICC line on Monday and go home to finish the rest of the IV treatment at home.

I've been hacking non stop and wheezing like a bitch. I've slept a total of 3 hours within the last 2 days. And all 3 of those were night before last. My temp has been fluctuating between 99.4 and 100. I look and feel like utter horse shit.

Anyway, I'll write whenever I get a chance, which will probably be when I get home. Although I'm praying that the Internet Gods will smile on me and I'll somehow be able to come online at some point during my incarceration.

Wish me luck.

Transplants dreams and Levaquin. Yay.

2009-04-01T02:04:00.000-04:00

Hey Y'all.

This morning I woke up after having a very interesting dream. I dreamed that I had gotten my transplant! Only things went a lot differently than I expected them to go.

First of all, the incision went completely around my body. ALL the way around. In a circle. And it was super painful afterward. I could barely move at all. Every time I lifted my arms or leaned over or leaned to the side or anything, it hurt.

Another very unrealistic thing was that they sent me home on the 2nd day! They were just like, "Okay bye!" Of course, I didn't fight them on it, but after I got home, I started to feel a little scared and unsure. B/c they didn't even give me any directions or tell me how to take care of myself. They didn't even give me my prescriptions for my meds! And I remember being very worried b/c I realized that I didn't have any masks to wear over my face when I left the house.

The dream was very bizarre. But, I hope it means that I will get my call soon. But, I pray that it doesn't happen the way it did in the dream. I know my center would never send me home unprepared though!

I finally heard back from my doctor today and she put me on Levaquin. BOOOOO! I've been wheezing like a bitch and I had to smoke my Albuterol pipe tonight for the first time in like 6 months. I just pray that I'm not feeling yucky on Saturday! I don't want to have to miss the Donate Life Walk that I'm supposed to volunteer at.

Tonight, Mom and I watched that movie Seven Pounds, with Will Smith. I honestly don't know what to say about that movie. It wasn't bad...but...It just...shit, I don't know what to say. I'm speechless. Which, as you all know, rarely happens. But, it's definitely worth seeing. So if you haven't seen it, check it out.

Well, I'm off!

My Moments in the sun?

2009-03-30T23:04:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all.

Guess what?! I'm gonna be on the radio. And maybe T.V. too! I emailed 3 local radio stations in the area and 2 of the tv news stations last night. I told them that April is National Donate Life Month and that they should discuss it on the air.

Well today, when I checked my email, I had been emailed back by one of the news channels and one of the radio stations! The lady at the radio station said she wants to interview me and pre record it. Then play it during a live radio show that she does on Sundays. :) Then the girl from the news station said that she would love to do a story with me! So maybe that means I will be on t.v.!! :)

I'm super excited! :) But, a little nervous too. Now I have to make sure that I end up going shopping this week! B/c I have to look hot if I'm going to be on t.v!!!! :)

Don't worry y'all, I'll still love you when I'm FAMOUS! :) HAHAHAHHAHAHAA :) JUST JOSHING!!!!!

Happy 8 Months on the Transplant List to me!

2009-03-29T17:45:00.001-04:00

What's up Bitches?

Well, today officially marks my 8th month on the transplant list. I'm not surprised by any means that I've had to wait this long. Especially considering that the first time I was listed, I waited over 3 years before ending up going inactive on the list. In the grand scheme of things 8 months is not long at all when you compare it to others who have been listed for a year or more. Or even YEARS, like I was the first time around. I'm just happy that I'm still as healthy as possible and stable for the most part.

<Okay...so that was the positive, rational Meghann speaking, now it's the irrational, negative Meghann's turn.>

WHAT THE F**K!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooooo tired of waiting!!!!!!! Why haven't they called?!??!! Enough, already! I want my new lungs!!!!!!! I'm soooo tired of getting out of breath and being on oxygen!!!!!!! My nose has now got a permanent bump on the bridge from the freakin' bipap mask, I'm tired all the time and have no energy, AND I'm getting fatter by the day cuz the one thing that truly brings me joy is feeding my face!! WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END??!!!

*injects herself with ativan and closes her eyes as she succumbs to her newfound calmness*

I know I should quit bitching. I'm not the only one in this f**ked up situation. My friend Bree has been waiting for 11 months today. (yep we share our list anniversary) So, I know she is pulling her hair out as well. I'm glad I'm not alone in this rocky boat! I hope we both get our calls soon. Here's to both of us getting THE call soon!

*takes a shot of Welches grape juice*

Peace and chicken grease, bitches!

Full Mental Break Down Averted.

2009-03-28T17:07:00.001-04:00

Hello Everyone,

How is everyone feeling out there in blog land? Me...I'm okay I suppose. Except for the slight mental breakdown I just had a few moments ago.

I was doing my bi-weekly check of the transplant waiting list (Click here for waiting list data) b/c...well, just b/c I'm curious and nosy like that. Don't judge me! Anyways, like I was saying, I was doing my biweekly check of the list and I ran across some disturbing information.

For a while now, I've been the only person with B blood type listed at my transplant center(UNC). And also, the whole state. (Duke is the only other center though hehe) But, as I was passing the time by browsing the waiting list, I discovered *GASP* that there was another B blood type listed as well!!!! NOOOOOOOooooooooo!

The possible implications of this discovery? This could mean that I have been shoved back on the list!!! Someone could have ended my rightful reign at the top, as Number 1!!!

Upon further, sneaky, investigation, I was able to discover that this person is a male, aged between 50-65 years of age. Which, actually made me feel a bit better.

THEN, Bree with her infinite wisdom, pointed out that while he may also be of B bloodtype, like myself, it is rather rare for grown men to be 5' 1. (My height) So, therefore, the chances of us actually competing when it came to available organs was rare. Since, lungs of my size would be too small of his body and vice versa.

So, mad props to Bree from stopping me from going into a full blown mental breakdown!!! Thanks girl!

Time for dinner, bitches!

Top 10: Ways to Know You're on the Lung Transplant List

2009-03-26T16:09:00.001-04:00

Hidey Ho Bitches.

I'm bored. I'm sitting around being lazy, waiting on the Duke game to start tonight. I was going to go shopping today, but it was ugly and rainy outside so I decided against it. So, I will go tomorrow or Saturday instead. My recent jump into the world of the obese has found me without any shorts that fit for this spring/summer. Therefore, unless I want to wear elastic waisted gym shorts all summer, I must buy new ones. But, I supposed it could wait one more day, or two.

Alas, here is some thoughts to stimulate your brain. Enjoy. :)

Top 10 Ways to Know You're on the Lung Transplant List:

1. Your idea of a mustache is an oxygen nasal cannula.

2. You consider chest physical therapy a form of relaxing massage.

3. You plan your social life around the presence of stairs/steps.

4. You have gotten into arguments over the difference between treadmill vs. regular walking. And don't even get you started on the 6 minute walk!

5. You taught yourself to blow "O's" with your nebulizer pipe!

6. The words "list" and "team" or any phrasing there of, have taken on whole new connotations.

7. You enjoy throwing around medical abbreviations such as: O2, CO2, FEV1, FVC, PFT, and L.A.C. and watching people's heads explode.

8. You've affectionately named your portable O2 tanks as Lil' Larry and Short Sharon or Mini Meg and your pager as Mr. Beepers.

9. You daydream of punching "sympathetic" asthmatics in the eye and screaming, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" (no offense)

10. Two Words: Handicapped Parking.

Pass the cheesey poofs please.

2009-03-24T13:50:00.000-04:00

What's up My bitches?

First of all, I would like to start this post off by saying: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got 15 of the Sweet 16 correct on my NCAA tournament bracket!!! YEAH! I'm so psyched! I am shocked that I did that well so far, my first time filling out brackets! YEAH! I rock! :) My bracket is going well, Duke is doing great in the tourney, and all is right with the world!

I have been such a lazy ass lately. All I've been doing is sitting around playing Mafia Wars on Douchebook, chatting with my friends on IM, eating like a starved ethiopian kid on pot and sleeping. This is what has become of my life. If my transplant doesn't happen soon I'm going to go into the record books as the World's Fattest Oxygen Starved Loser. They will end up kicking me off the transplant list for being clinically obese and I'll end up on a Maury Povich episode entitled, "I was kicked off the transplant list for being too fat! Pass me the mashed potatos, bitches!"

*Sigh* What has my life become? Oh well. Shit happens. Or as my good friend Nate says, "Two Tears in a bucket, mother f*ck it!"

I've been feeling rather creative lately. Most of it has stemmed from annoyance and anger at certain people in my life. But, I can't decide if I want to draw something, or write something. I'm leaning towards the drawing, b/c If i write something it will probably just be a lot of hateful, bitter words with swear word after swear word. And although it would make me feel better, it won't really accomplish anything.

Tomorrow I have my second appointment with my new pyschologist. And, BOY, she is gonna get an earfull!

Well I think I may go attempt to clean my room a little. Pray for me. There is no teling what I may encounter back there. I hope I return with all my fingers and toes intact.

Peace and chicken grease!

NCAA Tourney - Only 3 wrong picks so far, not bad for a first timer!

2009-03-20T02:01:00.001-04:00

Hey Bitches,

I hope everyone is doing well. I am doing pretty damn good. I'll tell you why. Last night I finished filling out my first ever NCAA tournament bracket. I took my time, looking at each time playing against each other, etc. So tonight, 16 teams played. I'm not sure if it was 16 games, or just 16 teams, meaning 8 games. Anyway...

Out of the 16...I only missed 3!!! :) I'm pretty proud of myself. I wonder how the rest of the tourney will go for me. :) Tonight Duke played and I ended up watching it at a friends house. And YES I wore my Duke hoody! :)

Anywho's...there's not much more going on around here lately. Mom is pretty sick with a bad case of Bronchitis. She sounds like she's trying to couch a lung up. :-( I'm a little worried about her, but she is on an antibiotic and she had a chest x-ray done either yesterday or today. She's just waiting to hear back from the doctor.

Well, if I think of anything else, I'll write it later. Toodles!

Duke 2009 ACC Champions - Suck on that Tardheels!

2009-03-15T16:13:00.001-04:00

Hello there....

Ahhh....Victory is so sweet. Duke is finally, once again back on top where they belong. They've won the ACC Championship and all is right with the world. I'm glad I was able to stay awake long enough to see them beat Florida St. Up next: The NCAA tournament. Hopefully we will conquer there as well. *knock on wood*

Alas, now that the game is over, I shall retire to my bed for a nap of sorts. Hope everyone is having a great day.

Thank you, drive through please!!

Mmmmm....turtle soup! Yummy! :) Suck it Maryland!

2009-03-14T19:48:00.001-04:00

HI! :)

YAY!!!!! Duke beat Maryland and advanced to the ACC Championship! And even better...UNC LOST!! YES! Take that Hansbrough! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Suckerrrrrrrrrrr.

Aside from that, nothing else is really going on. I tossed and turned all night and hardly slept. B/c I forgot to get my night time pills filled yesterday. They help me sleep. So i laid down today during the game and tried to nap but I kept waking up every 5 minutes.

Well I'm going to go. Gonna watch a movie on Demand with my Mom. Tootles.

DUKE DUKE DUKE DUKE!

The "Muffin Man" needs to be shot....

2009-03-12T23:11:00.001-04:00

Hidey Ho Bitches,

I'm baaaaack. Today has sucked for the most part. I was supposed to go to the psychologist this afternoon, but never made it. Why you ask? I'll tell you why. It' all started when...

*cue random flashback sequence movie effects*

I woke up around 11:30 or so this morning. Mom had made some muffins (blueberry) so I quickly jumped up and made my way to the kitchen to feed my face. I didn't even pause long enough to relieve my bladder. Food was more important.

After eating two muffins, I was still hungry, so I figured that a third one wouldn't hurt. So, I downed a third muffin. And yet, STILL my greedy ass wanted yet ANOTHER muffin. I sat on the couch, staring at my empty plate for the longest time, contemplating whether or not to eat a fourth one. After waging an war between logic and my ever increasing gluttony, I opted to yield to my "inner fatass" and voraciously consumed the FOURTH muffin.

Needless to say, 30 minutes later, I was having the most hellacious stomach cramps. AGAIN. For the 2nd day in a row. My therapy appointment was for 3:00 pm. But when the time to get ready rolled around, I was in the bathroom and in too much hell to go.

Moving on, yesterday was support group. Mom and I went early and had dinner with Vik and her family at Bob Evans resturaunt. It was nice. Although I couldn't really eat much of my food due to my stomach being upset. It started hurting before we left for Chapel Hill and didn't stop hurting until after dinner. But, I took a new pic of Garran. I'll post it here.

Then we went to the hospital for the support group tour of the Cardiothoracic ICU and step down units that I will be staying in post transplant. It was pretty interesting. They took us into one of the empty private rooms in the ICU and the nurse talked to us about what to expect while we are there, etc. I was surprised how much smaller the ventilator machine looks now, from when I was on one back in 93.

I met some new people who are waiting for lungs also. One was a little girl who came from Duke hospital. Another was this older lady who was really nice. Her name is Geraldine. She also came from Duke. Duke completely screwed her over and sent her to UNC. I'm starting to realized that although I'm a huge Duke basketball fan...I am really blessed to be on UNC's transplant list, instead of Dukes. And I'd not want to be listed anywhere else!

Anyways, I'll holler at y'all later. Check out the pics!

Garran, looking healthy and happy after his transplant!

Leroy (my friend Nate's dog) giving me kisses!

Email Notifications

2009-03-09T01:40:00.001-04:00

Hey Everyone.

This is just a little mini post to let you all know that now it is officially possible to be notified via email when I have updated my blog. :) So if you want to be emailed when there are new posts, etc. Then please, feel free to fill out the email subscription form at the top right of the blog! Thanks everyone!

Peace and chicken grease!

Duke got ROBBED. F*ck you Hansbrough!!!! You big eyed bastard!

2009-03-08T22:26:00.000-04:00

Hey Y'all. *sigh*

If you don't know already, my boys, Duke, lost their game against the evil Tardheels of UNC. So that sucks royally. Coach K should have put Paulus in. I don't know why he didn't play him at all, the whole game! What the hell is up with that? But nevertheless, I have not given up hope that Duke will seek revenge by stomping their asses in the ACC tournament. Hopefully bringing home the ACC title as well.

After the horribly shitty game, my brother and I went over to my friends Nate and Susie's house to eat dinner. We grilled out. Well I guess I shouldn't say WE...seeing as how all I did was sit on my ass and chat with Susie. Nate did the cooking. We had cheeseburgers and yum, they were very tasty. I have some pics from tonight I'll post in a minute to Facebook and I'll add them on here later as well.

Mom and I go to Chapel Hill on Wednesday for support group. We are going to go out to dinner first with Victoria and her fam. I'm very excited to see Garran for the first time since his transplant. :)

Well that's about it for now. Not much else to report. I'm off like a prom dress!

Do dreams come true?

2009-03-06T22:59:00.001-05:00

I'm back again Bitches! :)

Wow, 2 days in a row! And to what do you owe this pleasure, you ask? Well, last night during a pretty heavy sleep episode, I had an odd dream that I wanted to share.

I dreamed that I had my transplant. But there was some things that they didn't do for my transplant that they normally do for everyone else's. For example, they didn't catheterize me. They also didn't put in an arterial line IV thing. I also noticed that I didn't have any chest tubes. All I had was my incision that was covered by bandages, and a few IV's. There was an IV in my foot also. But worse of all, they didn't give me the morphine pump thingy!

In the dream I remember feeling so miserable from he pain and the surgery. It was only like a day or two after surgery. The pain in my chest from the incision was horrendous and I kept complaining to the nurse about not having a pain pump thing. But she kept telling me that I didn't need one, even though I felt that I did. the Bitch.

I was in some much pain that it hurt just to turn over in the bed on my side. That was all I could do at first. And because I felt so bad, I was very ornery and bitchy to everyone around me. My Mom was there with me and my aunt Jane came to visit and then a bunch of my friends were there. But, it wasn't just one or two people at a time. Everyone would come and then just stay and not leave. So the room kept getting fuller and fuller and everyone was seated in like a sitting section, almost like bleachers, as if I was on display. I remember whining to my Mom, "I'm sooo miserable..!"

Then the scene changed a bit and I was still in the hospital but I was out wandering the halls alone. And I walked past the room next to mine and there were two guy patients in the room who had O.D.'d on crack. One of them was a friend of my brothers and the other one was this guy Nathan that I had a HUGE crush on in college. He was stoner/skateboarder and lived in the floor below mine. He got fucked up all the time and played PlayStation.

Anyways, then I was walking back down the hall again and this nurse (who obviously didn't work with lung transplant patients) congratulated me on my transplant and then slapped me on the chest instead of the back in congratulation. Of course I cried out in pain and groaned which she felt instantly sorry for, for being such a dumb ass and she apologized profusely. And me, not ever wanting to make people feel bad, I told her it was okay and not to worry about it.

Then I promptly went back to my room and told my Mom what had happened and I started coughing and coughed up a little blood. It totally freaked me out and I called the surgeon. He came in and I told him what had happened and about the blood and he told me it was normal and not to worry about it and that I would be okay.

I remember feeling in the dream that it felt sooo odd to be able to breath again. I mean my chest was very sore and felt tight from the pain and incision, but even through all that, I could tell I could breathe easier. And when I had been up walking, I wasn't wearing any O2 and I wasn't out of breath at all.

Anyway, that was my dream. Any thoughts?

Random Ramblings

2009-03-05T17:21:00.001-05:00

Hello There Bitches.

It has been quite a while since I've blogged. Why you ask? B/c I haven't had shit to talk about, Gah!! Get off my nut sack, you crazies! Just kidding, where would I be without my loyal followers? All...2 of you. (I hope there are more of you out there, if so, make yourself known PLEASE!)

Anyways, life has been pretty damn boring for me around here lately. As usual. My relationship with the boyfriend is nonexistent now. But I'm okay with that. Too much drama for me to deal with at the moment. I got other shit on my mind. It's HARD waiting for a transplant. I mean, it might not LOOK that way since all I do is sit around all day and sometimes go out with friends. But, I mean, Gah! It is stressful. It sucks enough having to worry about myself and my own future, much less worry about his ass and his future and our future together. (IF there was to be one.) I thought love would be enough, but sadly, it's not.

For all you young hopeful kids out there reading this, (yeah right who are we kidding!) Don't believe what they say...Love most certainly does NOT conquor all! That's line of bullshit they tell young women to perpetuate the idea that every story has a happy ending. It's all bullshit. Listen to your gut.

So, I've cut the ties, once again. I need to move on. Be alone for a while until I find someone who is worth taking all the focus off my own issues once again.

I'm still eating like a starving Ethiopian. And everything else is pretty much the same health wise. So that is good, I guess. No news is good news, I guess.

Tonight is Taco night and I'm super excited b/c I love my Mom's tacos. Oh and it's also the Wild Card show on American Idol tonight. Oh man, my life blows. Stab me in the eye, please.

Nothing new really...

2009-02-23T00:07:00.001-05:00

Hola Bitches.

I haven't written lately b/c there hasn't really been anything going on to talk about. Just been hanging out with Justin a lot. You know, same old shit, different days. The only new thing is that my transplant center has done another transplant. So I'm happy for whoever that is, although now I really do feel like the last unicorn. I think I'm going to be the only one left at support group now that is on oxygen and pre-transplant.

Garran is home from the hospital and doing great. YAY!

I have an appointment with my pulmonologist next Wed. in Chapel Hill. Justin is going to take me (if things go as planned). Then there is also a support group meeting that night, so we will need to stay in town for that. I'm not sure what we will do between the time we leave the hospital and the time the meeting starts at 6pm. We may go to Durham and to the Duke campus to kill some time. Who knows.

Speaking of Duke...tonight they played Wake Forest again and got revenge!! YEAH! GO DUKE! AND Carolina lost yesterday! Muwahhahahaha. Dumb ass tarheels. Take that, assholes! haahahahha :)

Well, I'm going to bed soon. I have a lot of fun stuff to watch on DVR before I fall asleep. Check back soon for another post!

Jusin and I at his house the other night.

Transplant Clinic Woes

2009-02-13T22:59:00.001-05:00

Hey Y'all.

It's been a super long day. I had to get up at 6 a.m. in order to leave by 7 a.m. to get to the hospital in Chapel Hill and meet Victoria for breakfast at 9 a.m. My brother took the day off work to take me. Breakfast was good. It was great to see her. It was the first time I'd seen her since Garran got his transplant. I brought his presents and some clothes out of my closet for Kait. She said they loved them. So that's good.

Then after we got done eating at 10 a.m. I had to go straight to registration. Then to get my blood drawn. Then after that I was due in clinic by 11 a.m. We got up to clinic right on time. First thing I did was the pulmonary function test. (P.F.T.) Unfortunately, my FEV1 (Forced Expiatory Volume over 1 second) percentage dropped by 3 points. It went from 21% to 18%. I had hoped that this meant my L.A.S. (Lung Allocation Score - what decides your place on the transplant list) would go up a significant amount and therefore put me higher on the overall list (which would make me more likely to get my transplant sooner than later). But, I was told that the L.A.S. isn't affected by the FEV1, but by the FVC. (Forced Vital Capacity). And although my FEV1 dropped by 3%, my FVC didn't drop all that much. SO Ken, my coordinator, told me that my L.A.S. would increase, but not by much. So that' sucks big fat hairy donkey balls. :-(

And to make matters worse, I've gained even more weight. Last time I was at clinic, I weighed 113 lbs. This time I weighed 118 lbs. But, in my defense, I was wearing heavy shoes so I have to subtract at least 3 lbs. So I'll say 116, which is what I weighed at the last Dr. visit I had here in Lexington. But still. That is 3 lbs more than I was the last time I was in clinic.

I felt sort of depressed today during Clinic, b/c I saw like 3 other people that were POST transplant. And it is really starting to bum me out some b/c I feel like I'm the only one left on the list at Chapel Hill. And then I felt even worse about it b/c the guy running the PFT test for me told me , "Your the only one I've had today that wasn't post transplant." and i was like, "Really? How many people have you seen today?" (at this point it was only 11 a.m.) and he replied, "you're the 10th." I felt like I'd been slapped in the face. Jeeeezz that's just great. Thanks buddy! *rolls eyes*

I did have a funny conversation today with one of the transplant surgeons though. This is how it went:

Surgeon: "So, how've you been feeling?"

Me: "I've been okay I guess."

Bo(my brother): "She's been whining and depressed over Wednesday's game."

Surgeon: "Ohh I see. You wouldn't happen to be a Duke fan would you?" *smiles*

Me: "YES. A hardcore Duke fan."

Surgeon: "Uh oh!" *smiles mischeviously* "You know what that means. During your surgery after we put your new lungs in, I'll have to carve a UNC into your chest!"

Me: "NOOO! Don't do that!" *laughs*

Surgeon: "I'm just kidding..." *laughs*

Bo: "Yeah, Thats what I'm talking about!" *laughs hysterically*

Me: *glares at Bo*

I thought it was pretty funny. I don't know, maybe you just had to be there. Anyways, I'm tired so I'm going to try and go sleepies soon. I'll Holler at y'all later.

Crying royal blue tears

2009-02-12T16:07:00.001-05:00

What's up Bitches.

I am...well..I'm not sure what word to use to describe my frame of mind right now. Disappointed isn't strong enough of a adjective to describe what I'm feeling since last night. If you're wondering, I'm referring to the Duke vs. Carolina game last night at Duke. It was....Hell, I'm speechless.

The first half went pretty well and I really had hope. But then I have no idea what happened. To make a long horrible story short, Duke ended up losing by way too much than they should have. And to make matters worse, I had been running my mouth all day up until the game to whoever I could about how Duke was going to whoop UNC's ass. I wanted to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger.

BUT - I will say that I'm super happy that they had Paulus starting again. Not that Smith isn't a good player, but he's not near as experienced as Paulus and they never should have had Smith starting over Paulus in the first place. I hope they keep Paulus starting from now own.

While I'm very disappointed that we lost, I still love my boys and I will still be their #1 fan. We still have another game against Carolina, at the Dean Dome in March. I'm hoping we blow those fuckers away.

Moving along, last night I went out to dinner with Julie at Kabuki. Mmmm I love japenese. I just can't get enough of their Teryaki chicken and fried rice. And that shrimp sauce. My mouth is salivating just thinking about it. I ate so much that I had to unbutton my jeans. I'll post a pic of dinner at the end of this post.

V-day is coming up and I'm not sure what to get Justin. I had just planned on cooking him brownies in a heart shaped tin. But, I feel like I should at least get him a little something else. I don't know. Maybe I'll just give him the brownies and a nice card. I love picking out cards. :) I usually get him both a funny one and a serious one.

The other night when I was over at his house watching a DVD, he gave me my V-day present early. He gave me a beanie baby Melman from the Madagascar movies. :) It's so cute! He remembered me saying that Melman was my favorite one! isn't that sweet? :)

Tomorrow I go to Chapel Hill for Transplant Clinic. Bo (my brother) is taking me up there. We're leaving around 7 a.m. b/c we're meeting Victoria for breakfast at the cafe in the hospital around 9a.m. I have some gifts for Garran to give her and some clothes to give Kaitlyn. I'm looking forward to seeing her.

Garran is doing great! He may get to go home either tomorrow or Monday. I just can't say how happy I am for him and his family! I can't wait for my turn :)

Well that's it for now...Peace and chicken grease!

Julie at dinner last night at Kabuki!

Pity Post

2009-02-08T21:29:00.001-05:00

Hey Bitches.

First off, Garran is doing AWESOME! He's recovering so fast and I'm so happy for him and his family! He's already down on the step down floor and has only 2 chest tubes left, out of 4. And they took the NG tube out as well. He should be getting his first week bronch. (Bronchoscopy) on Monday or Tuesday, I assume. And, instead of passing gas which everyone was waiting for him to do before he could eat or drink anything, he skipped that altogether and went straight for the poop! Yay Garran! lol

I'll update more later when I find out more. If you want to see his Caring Bridge website that his mother puts updates about him on, the link is on my blog list.

Secondly, WHY THE HELL won't anyone follow my blog?! I have 2 lone little followers and that's IT. What the fuck y'all? I know more than Bree and Tiffany are reading my blog, Right? Or am I wrong? Maybe I'm just a big O2 loser and no one wants to watch me drone on about all my problems and what is going on in my pathetic little life.

Seriously, y'all! You are giving me a fuckin' complex. I know there are some Blogspot people besides them that read me, right? *puppy dog eyes* This fuckin' sucks. *pout*

I give and give and give to y'all and all you do is TAKE! All i ask for is some more followers, is that too much to ask? Pretty please? I'll be your best friends..all of your best friends!

Oh man. Now i'm begging. I really am pathetic. *reaches for more chocolate cake*

Garran - Up and off!

2009-02-03T18:28:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone! :)

Great news! Garran is already off the ventilator and been up and walking around two times already! Thank you God! I knew he was a trooper and would be off that vent before we could blink! :) I'm so happy for him and his family and can't wait to see them.

I won't be able to see Garran for a while, b/c of my own lung issues, they don't let others that cough up stuff regularly see the transplant patients so quickly after surgery. Especially when they are sick, like me right now. But, i will get to see Victoria (his mom) next Friday when I go to Chapel Hill for Clinic.

I ordered him a teddy bear from Build a Bear and dressed it with a surgeon's scrubs. I hope he likes it! Plus, I couldn't resist ordering a Groundhog beanie baby for him also. Since he got his transplant on Groundhog's Dog! :) I'm going to put them in a goody bag to give to his mom when I see her next Friday. :)

That's all for now, nothing else going on around here. I'm signing off!

G-Man's new lungs - it's a go!

2009-02-02T15:39:00.001-05:00

Hey Everyone!

I'm super excited today b/c my friend Garran is getting his transplant today! He's the one in the pics with me in the post before last. His mom Victoria texted me this morning around 9 a.m. to let me know that he got THE call. We kept in touch off and on until around 2:15 pm when she let me know that it was "go."

I can't express how happy I am for little Garran and his family today. Please keep them in your prayers and pray that his surgery is a success! I know it will be! Pretty soon he will be up and running and playing like every 8 year old is supposed to! He deserves it! Love you Garran!

I'll update on his condition as soon as I hear anything! :) Toodles! *happy dance*

Happy 6th month anniversary to me!

2009-01-29T18:50:00.001-05:00

What's up my peoples.

Today marks my 6th month on the list. I was listed on July 29th, 2008 for a double lung transplant at UNC. I can't believe the time has passed so quick. It seems like just yesterday my Pulmonologist told me words that I had dreaded hearing for years. That she felt that I should be reevaluated for a transplant by the team. She contacted the transplant center and got the ball rolling from there. And from there, the ball never stopped rolling. In fact, it rolled down the hill so fast it crashed into the wall that is called "my life."

It's been a major adjustment in some ways and in others, not so major. Pulmonary Rehab became mandatory, which wasn't that big of a deal b/c I was already attending Pulm. Rehab at the local hospital here. But along with the Pulmonary Rehab came appointments with the transplant team every 3 months, mandadory tests needed to gauge my elligibility (some of which were very unpleasant - thank god I only need to take them once a year) and of course the transplant support group meetings. (which I had loathed during my first go-round on the list). Not to mention, I have to be available to be contacted 24 hours a day. So that means I now have a little pager that I have to carry around with me everywhere I go, along with my cell phone. But, I don't mind that, it just makes me look all official like :)

Anywho, starting all over with the support group was an unhappy chore at first. I remembered the way I hated going when I was a teenager and how uncomfortable I was being there with all those older people. I would sit there and stay silent the entire time and when I did speak, I would get so nervous I would turn red in the face and studder. There was absolutely no one else my age around for me to bond with or make friends with. And to top it all off, the man who ran the group was an utter douchebag. And that is me being nice. I could have called him much worse!

But, now is a completely different experience. I actually don't mind going to the meetings now. I don't feel different from anyone else b/c almost everyone there is around my age or older. And it's good to meet others who have gone through the process and are doing great. Also, I've made some good friends there that I look forward to seeing every other week. So, all in all, the support group meetings have been an informative and somewhat enjoyable experience.

So in review, it has offically been 6 months today that I've been listed. I feel relatively well, or as well as I can for now. My coordinator told me the other day through email (after I asked) that the team had had some offers of lungs for me so far, but they either weren't viable or were given to someone else who was sicker. What all this means I don't know. Could it mean that my time is going to come soon? Who knows? I'll contemplate this again in another 6 months. Unless, I already have my new blowers by then. :)

Moving along and speaking of support group, last night Justin and I took my Mom's car to Chapel Hill for a meeting. Before the meeting we met Vickie and her family at Ruby Tuesday's for dinner. Mmmmm. Boy was it tasty. But of course, we were running late, so we had to leave early. (before I was even finished eating, might I add) We ended up leaving the restuarunt at 6pm and not making it to the meeting until 6:20pm. Which meant that we were 20 minutes late.

I'm glad we went though, b/c I got to meet Dr. V. The newest transplant surgeon at UNC. He was super cool and nice. Seems to really know his shit, which, I find comforting, considering he may be the one with his hands poking around inside my chest cavity.

After he finished speaking he looked at me, in front of everyone and smiled and said, "Hopefully I'll see YOU soon." I was like, "Yeah, hopefully sooner than later" But, what I REALLY wanted to say was, "Yeah, No shit, buddy! Throw a bitch a freakin' bone, why don't cha!" :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a totally unrelated horrible event, Duke was cheated out of a win over Wake Forest last night. They came back from being down 11 points to tie the game, but unfortunately those filthy Wake fu**ers managed to score 2 points right at the buzzer! That's okay.....they will get what's coming to them. Just wait.

Okay I'm signing off. I'll be back soon, don't cry........I said don't cry dammit!

I love you Lonestar steakhouse! You're my hero!

2009-01-26T12:26:00.002-05:00

What's up my bitches!

I'm home from Chapel Hill, once again. From yet, ANOTHER, failed sleep study. I swear, why do they keep making me do these stupid tests? I never can fall asleep in a good amount of time. Then once I am asleep, I can't ever stay asleep long enough to go into REM sleep (which is where all the magic happens) before I wake up again. Therefore, they never can tell if anything strange is going on or not. Pointless.

But, before Mom and I reported to the hospital last night, we went out to dinner with my friend Victoria and her kids. We went to Lonestar in Durham and had a great time. The food was awesome. I ate so much that I probably gained another 16 lbs just from the chicken alone. I had a salad for starters with caesar dressing. And for the main course, I ate grilled bbq chicken with a loaded baked potato on the side. (minus the sour cream) Last, but not least, for dessert I had NY Cheescaked with chocolate syrup drizzeled over it. MMMMM.

I have to return on Wednesday to Chapel hill for support group. I'm looking forward to going b/c for 1. A friend of mine, Candace, who was on the list, got her transplant recently. And I'm hoping she will be at the meeting. :) And, 2. Justin is taking me, so that will give us some alone time together away from his parent's house. And 3. We will maybe get to meet Victoria again for dinner before the meeting, if they aren't busy moving. Good Friends and Good food, who can ask for anything more??? :)

On another note, You may be noticing that I gave my blog a total face lift. What do y'all think of it? When I first saw the background on the website I found it from, I thought, "Pink Cheetah print? Ummm, that's a little much." But, then the background I originally picked didn't look right. So, I thought I'd try this one out and it ended up growing on me. I especially like the pink ribbons on each side. It's very pretty! And I think the font colors I chose compliment the background nicely. Feel free to leave me comments in the guestbook or for this post and let me know how you feel about the changes! :) Feedback is welcome!

Well that's it for now. Below are some pictures from dinner at Lonestar last night. Enjoy.

Candyland.......F' You!!!

2009-01-21T21:02:00.001-05:00

Hey Y'all! I'm baaaack. :)

Stop crying...I know it's been a little while but I finally remembered. Not that I've been super busy, but I've been going out a lot more lately at night and that's when I usually do my blogging. The boyfriend and I have been doing a lot of stuff together.

Last night we went over to his friend Dax's house. (well I guess he is a friend of mine, too?) Or to Dax's parents house since that's where he's staying right now. But anyway, we went over there and played Wii. It was fun. Although half the time I ended up having to entertain his young kids while he and Dax played. :-( But it was okay...well it was alright.

I felt sooooo stupid, b/c the kids wanted to play Candyland. (Dora the Explorer version of course) and can you believe, that I had forgotten how to play!!! I had to re read the directions!!!!!! Oh man, that was sad. LOL THEN to top it all off, they both beat me!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it!!! A 5 year old and three year old.

Candyland can suck it!!!!!

So it snowed here the other night. It was really pretty and also was the first time I drove in the snow. Justin and I went to the movies to see My Bloody Valentine 3D. (3D is SOOOOO overrated) And when we came out of the movies around 9:30pm, it was already snowing! We got less than and inch but in Chapel Hill and Durham they got a shitload!

I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Roy today here in town. It was pretty much pointless. Except I did get the diabetic sugar meter that I needed to check my levels after sleep epsiodes. And for Free!!! Yay! But aside from that it was definately a waste of perfectly good insurance.

Sunday is the sleep study appointment in Chapel Hill. Justin is going to take me in my mom's car. (SURPRISE SURPRISE) We are hopefully going up there early enough to have dinner with some transplant pals of mine and then going to the hospital for the rest of the night. I'm looking forward to dinner but NOT the study. :-( I guess Monday i will have another fun filled day of picking sticky shit out of my scalp and hair, for the 3rd Time!!!

Then hopefully, maybe, on Monday on the way home we might swing by Duke and hang out on campus. I want to show Justin the Chapel because he's never been. And we want to go to the gift store and cop some cool Duke stuff!

I am seriously feining to get a Nintendo Wii. And that is not good. Because I have $300 in my savings account just sitting there. I am trying to be a good little oxygen girl and save it for bills or something I really need it for. But I can't stop thinking about playing the Wii and how fun it is! Someone Help!!!!! :-(

Signing off...*Beep Beep Beep Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Transplants transplants transplants!

2009-01-15T21:12:00.001-05:00

Hey Y'all.

Once again it's that time to sit down and read the ramblings of the one they call the Queen of the Oxygen People. :) Nothing new is going on with me really. Except I'm feeling kinda poopy today. I'm not sure if it is because I had gone 2 days without my blood pressure pills (b/c I kept forgetting to pick them up) until today or if it is because I had to get up at the butt ass crack of dawn this morning to go to Salisbury. Or if it is because I may be getting sick. Or maybe it's a combination of all 3. Who knows? But the end result is that I don't feel all that great.

My throat feels as if it may be getting a little sore, although not quite there yet. And I'm tired as hell. But like I said, that may be from lack of sleep since I didn't fall asleep until after 2 this morning and then had to get up at 7am. And due to lack of my blood pressure pills, my head has been hurting all day and I just feel overall like BOO.

BUT despite all that, I still went and bought my friend Julie a gift for her birthday. While I was in the store, I also bought Justin a cute little trinket. It's a little pig called a "Good Luck Pig." It goes back to the old days in Germany, where people were considered rich if they had a pig b/c they could feed their whole family on one pig. So, people in Germany often say they, "Had a pig" (Except in German), meaning they were lucky! So you give someone the little piggy and it supposed to bring them good luck and help them become become successful! :) So when I saw the pig at the check out counter, I couldn't resist buying it for him b/c I knew he had been sorta down lately and I wanted to cheer him up and bring him some good luck!

I was very disappointed b/c Justin and I didn't get to go to Chapel Hill yesterday like we originally planned. B/c he woke up sick as a dog and it was a bad idea to go to the support group with everyone there. It would be too much of a risk that others would pick up his germs and get sick. Not to mention that I would pick up his germs as well from being that close to him. So we didn't go. :-(

But, I did call in to the meeting and participated via the conference phone. There was a speaker there from Carolina Donor Services. He talked about how to go about writing to your donor family after you receive the transplant. It was pretty insightful I guess. But a little boring. I took some notes, even though it was all pretty much common sense!

The real exciting part of the evening was the announcement that there had been 2 lung transplants in a week's time! There was one on Friday, the 9th and then another one on Tues the 13th. How exciting! Also, the girl that got her transplant on Friday was a girl I met at support group that I had emailed back and forth for a while! She and her family are super nice. Maybe she will be at the next support group meeting.

Until next time....Ciao!

Procrastination - To do or not to do!

2009-01-13T15:56:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all!

I'm sitting here, supposedly cleaning off the desk and dusting it. But instead I find myself chillin' on facebook and writing to my blog. Hehe :) OOps. What Mom doesn't know won't hurt her, right? RIGHT!

I just downloaded this cool blog editor program through Mozilla, called ScribeFire. So I figured while I was sitting here at the desk, I might as well try it out, right? Pretty cool. The only thing that I've found that I don't like so far is that the Add video feature is directly related to You Tube. So, I guess that means if I want to add a video then It has to be on You tube, or I have to add it to you tube myself. So, that sucks.

Tomorrow I go to Chapel Hill again for Support Group meeting. Justin and I are driving up there in my mom's car. Hopefully we'll get to eat dinner with Victoria and her kids afterwards. Well this post is getting rather boring so I'm going to sign off. Besides, I'm freezing and if I start moving around a little by cleaning off this desk, then maybe I'll warm up some!

Ta, Ta, bitches! :)

Bla bla bla

2009-01-12T11:43:00.002-05:00

What's up Y'all.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and are all geared up for a new week. BOOO. :) My weekend sucked except for the time I got to spend with Justin on Saturday evening at his parent's house. We hadn't seen each other in almost a week, so it was definitely time. And it was time well spent. There's nothing like cuddling with the one you love. *sigh*

On Wednesday I have support group in Chapel Hill and my Mom actually said that Justin can take me up there in her car. :) YAY! I'm looking forward to it. It will give us some tiem alone together, plus we may be able to have dinner with my transplant buddy Victoria and her kids. (by the way, check out her son Garran's two blog pages, there are links under Bloggin' Buddies.)

On Thursday Mom and I are driving to Salisbury to the Social Security office. I have an appt. to discuss the possiblity of me getting other benefits in addition to my SSI check that I get every month. B/c my step dad is retired, I can draw off of his Social Security retirement. Also, b/c my father is deceased I could possibly draw off of him. I"m not sure which way it will end up or how much I'll get if any. I guess I'll just have to wait and see! But i know one thing. I could definiately use the extra money!

Nothing major to report right now. I'm feeling alright. Just having cramps, due to that pesky little monthly problem. Aside from that, everything is cool, I guess. I've been slack lately on my rehab, but I'm starting a fresh slate today. No more laziness. The holidays are over. I've gained too much weight and I need to keep my body strong for the transplant. It's time to get off my ass and quit procrastinating!

Peace and chicken grease!

116 lbs and still gaining.

2009-01-09T17:19:00.005-05:00

Hey Y'all.

I'm back. I went to Chapel Hill yesterday for my return appointment with the sleep specialist. Two vials of blood and one EKG later, they STILL have yet to know what is causing these sneaky mysterious sleep episodes I keep having. So their solution? ANOTHER SLEEP STUDY!!!!!!!! Are they insane? PLUS...if that wasn't retarded enough, they told me to and I quote, "call a friend when I wake up from one of these sleep episodes, that has a blood sugar meter, and ask them to come over and check your blood sugar. " What the hell?

Needless to say, My mom was furious after hearing this. She says I should be glad she wasn't in there with me or she would have cussed the Dr. out. According to Mom, that was very unprofessional for a dr. to tell a patient. To depend on a friend driving over with their blood sugar meter. Why don't they supply me with one, if they want me to check it so bad? What bullshit!

Anywho's...what else did I learn yesterday you ask? Ohhh..only that I've become even MORE of a FAT HEFFA!!! I'm now officially at 116 lbs. Pretty soon I'm going to be walking around in a moo moo b/c that's all I'll be able to fit on over my fat belly. :-( And I'll have to start using my scooter again..but b/c I'm too fat to walk, not due to my breathing. The only good thing about gaining all this weight is that my ass is starting to fill out a little bit. I can actually feel it jiggling a bit when I walk. But that still isn't nearly enough to erase the horror of the growing tub of lard that is now known as my pony keg of a stomach. At least if I had been drinking I'd have an excuse for it's appearance. And at least I'd have been enjoying myself from the buzz that I'd get.

Okay okay...I can't lie...I have been enjoying myself immensely as I've been shoving all this food down my piehole. But now, as I look at this belly that slightly hangs over the top of my jeans, I'm questioning whether or not I have a problem. Can I stop eating so much? And if I can, do I really want to?

After all, there are only so many things that I can physically do that I find enjoyable: Sex, Eating and Sleeping. I'll let you guess which one of those 3 things that I'm not getting enough of. HAHAHA :) So maybe I should shut the hell up and quit complaining about my 'muffintop'. As long as I haven't acquired a F.U.P.A., it's all good. :)

Gotta go - Pizza is almost ready! lol (P.S. For the definition of a "muffintop" and "F.U.P.A.", look them up on urbandictionary.com)

A new year = a new phone!

2009-01-04T16:46:00.003-05:00

What's up my bitches.

Things have been pretty slow around here lately. Nothing exciting has happened in relation to my transplant. Which sucks, but oh well, what can I do? Not a damn thing but sit here and pass the time, waiting. So that is what I'm doing.

BUT - something non transplant related has happened that is SUPER exciting. :) I got a new cell phone! And with it a new contract, with a completely different company. I was on my parent's plan through At&T through the local phone company. But, yesterday when he informed me that I, "need to cut back on my texting." Because I made over 900 texts last month. (Even though we have unlimited texting with the plan therefore, it didn't cost extra)

That was just one more way that he could try and control me. He didn't give a shit that it didn't cost any extra, he STILL demanded that I cut back on my texting. WHY? B/c he wants to control me, and everything and everyone around him. Well, fuck that. So, I promptly told him that that was fine. That I would just march my little ass right on over to the Verizon store and get my own damn plan. Which he said, "Good." I don't think he believed I would though. But--

True to my word, I filled up my portable tanks and drove my little ass right on over to the Verizon store by Walmart. I got my own plan. And I was SO excited to learn that I didn't have to pay a deposit. I thought for SURE b/c of my credit that I would have to pay one. But I didn't! Oh Happy Day! :) So now, after buying my phone, I still have some money left over to pay on my bills. :)

AND my phone is SUPER COOL. I was going to get a Blackberry until I learned that I would have to pay a monthly data fee, in ADDITION to my regular bill. So i said, screw that. So, instead I ended up getting the LG Voyager. Which has touch-screen AND a full keyboard that flips open on the side of the phone. AWESOME :)

So that's my exciting news. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I'm off like a prom dress!

A New Years kiss!

2009-01-01T13:26:00.004-05:00

Hey Y'all.

I hope everyone had a fun and safe New Years Eve. And I hope someone drank a whole bottle of champagne in honor of me, since I'm not able to drink anymore, due to me waiting for the lungs and all. It wouldn't be good if they called me for my transplant and I was face down on the floor with a champagne bottle clinched tightly in my hand. :)

My New Years Eve was great. The best one in a really long time, perhaps ever. Justin and I went over to our friends Dax and Merrit's house. They were having a little get together. It was good to see them again. We hadn't seen them in quite a while. Their parents were there and brother and sisters, etc. Plus a few friends, including us. Oh and don't forget all the kids. lol 4 of them. 3 under the age of 5. (yikes!) and then one precious little 4 month old.

The kids were cute but running wild the whole night. But, i guess thats how kids are. lol Although they were cute and sweet, at one point I found myself whispering in Justin's ear, "Let's not ever have kids." lol I love kids, they are cute...but I'm glad they aren't mine right now! :) But Justin will be a wonderful father, he's so great with little ones.

The best part of the whole night for me, was when the ball dropped and it was officially 2009 and Justin and I shared a New Years kiss. My first New Years kiss ever!!! The last few years, he was never with me on New Years. :) So i'm glad he finally was.

So overall, I had a wonderful New Years Eve. We ended up staying over there after everyone else cleared out, for an hour or so. Justin and Dax played Tennis on the Wii while Merrit and I talked. But boy I was tired as hell when I got home!

I'm signing off. Here's to a great 2009 and 2 new lungs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two tears in a bucket, Motherf*** It!!

2008-12-23T17:05:00.002-05:00

Hey Bitches.

I'm back. I know I know, simmer down. :) I realized that I have neglected to update you all on my transplant clinic visit I had on the 12th. Hence the reason for this post! :) So..here it goes. Ready?

I'm a fat ass. I weighed 112 lbs at weigh-in at the clinic. That is more than I have ever in my life weighed. I never thought I would make it to 110. Much less, OVER 110. And at the rate I'm going, I will probably be up to 120 by New Years. I mean, Realistically, I KNOW I'm not FAT for real..but watching myself outgrow all of my clothes is really starting to make me feel like a true fatty. (no offense to my 'big boned' readers of course) I had to get new jeans for Christmas b/c my jeans are all getting a little too tight. Plus, after I get my new lungs, I will probably gain a lot of weight from the Prednizone. But I hope not. *crosses fingers and toes* I feel like I have a Budah belly. I'll have to take a picture some time of my belly and post it. Oh well...getting fat isn't the worst thing in the world. At least I'm alive..

Moving right along, my FEV1 on my PFT's has dropped by 1%. For all of you crappy lung challenged folks, FEV1 stands for Forced Expitory Volume over 1 second. And PFT stands for Pulmonary Function Tests. Basically, at every clinic visit, I have to do Pulmonary Function tests, where I blow into this big tube connected to a big machine and it measures lung function. They ask you to take a big breath IN, then blow it out as hard and fast as you can for as LONG as you can without having to breathe again. And i mean for as LONG as you CAN. I mean they want your face turned beet red from lack of oxygen from blowing so hard and long. The FEV1 is measured during the first second as you blow out. The last clinic visit my FEV1 was 21%. This time, my FEV1 was 20%. Oh well. Shit happens.

Rolling ahead, my 6 minute walk was also a lot worse than the last time. The last 6 min walk that I had, was in July. I walked almost 1000 ft. over 6 minutes. This time at clinic, I walked only 600 and some. (can't remember exact number) That's a huge difference. But, Kristin, the PT for the transplant team told me that the first one may not have been done correctly back at home. But, assuming that it was...that's a huge drop.

So put together, all this information doesn't sound all that great. All three things being on the negative side. Well okay, the weight isnt really negative for my health. But to me it is, so shut your piehole. GOSH! *rolls eyes* But the last two seem rather negative and bad news-ish. BUT - in reality...this will only help me, transplant wise. Because, my allocation score will go up, because I did worse on the tests.

So, therefore, its not all THAT horrible to do worse. Just as long as I don't seem to be suffering any ill effects from it. Which I'm not. So that's good. :)

Now you're all caught up for now. Dinner is here. Time to add some more lard to my Budah belly!! :)

Yeah so I couldn't think of a title - sue me!

2008-12-19T12:35:00.004-05:00

Hey Y'all.

It's with a heavy heart that I write today. My good friend Christian Goodpaster passed away last night around 7:30 pm. He was in Duke hospital awaiting his 2nd double lung transplant. His breathing wasn't very good at all but he was still holding strong.

But yesterday, he took a turn for the worst and was placed into ICU and put on the vent. I prayed so hard last night that he would get the lungs, but I guess God had other plans for him. Apparently, while on the vent, he threw a clot in his lungs and they couldn't save him. It's my guess that his body was so tired of fighting it just gave in.

Although his body may have given up, I know his spirit will live on. He was such an inspiration to myself and others who are waiting for a lung transplant. After his transplant he really lived his life. He didn't waste one minute of the extra time he was given. And that's what I plan on doing as well, when I get my new lungs.

Even though Christian and I never got to meet in person, I still consider him a cherished friend. He was such a great person and friend. And he was always so positive, even to the end. I am praying for his family during their difficult time. I will miss him dearly, but I will take solace in the fact that he is now breathing easy in Heaven and I know that I will finally get to meet him one day.

RIP Christian

Christian - 3 months post-transplant (2004)

The Bag that "almost" got away!

2008-12-07T20:36:00.001-05:00

Hello my loyal subjects!

How are all my little kiddies doing today? Is everyone looking forward to Christmas? I am. I want my mp3 player so that I won't be damn bored when I do my rehab here at home. The treadmill is in my bedroom in the corner. And I can't even really see the television from there either. So I need something to keep my mind off of staring at the time as it counts.

Speaking of rehab - I did 25 minutes on the treadmill yesterday! *no applause necessary* I was pretty proud of myself. I didn't feel quite so lazy as usual. I must admit I have slacked off lately since Medicaid unceremoniously booted my ass out of Pulmonary Rehab at the hospital. But, now my Mom and I are going to work out at the same time each day. So hopefully, that will help me to stay motivated and focused on the prize. (NEW LUNGS)

What else am I looking forward to with Christmas, you ask? Oh, well I'll share. :) Most of all, I believe, I am looking forward to being able to open and carry around my new (and first ever) Kathy Van Zeeland bag!!! *and the crowd goes wild* I never thought I'd actually get one! I saw one online at Belk.com that I was going to order. But by the time I got the go-ahead from Mom to order it, that particular one had already gone off sale!!!! I was so heartbroken! So I gave up and just picked out an awesome Nine West bag at Belk here in town, and another smaller bag - a clutch. *sigh*

BUT- This past Thursday, Mom and I went to the mall in Winston-Salem to finish my Christmas shopping from them. We had to walk back through Belk on the way out of the mall and I decided that we should just check to see if they had any, just for fun. (The Belk at home doesn't carry them b/c they are sorry)

So, we found the part of the store that had the purses, and low and behold, there they were! A whole KVZ section! I was in HEAVEN. I swear, if I had had the breath (and leg muscles), I would have gotten out of that wheelchair and ran my ass right over and thrown myself up on the shelves with those glorious bags! BUT-

Since, I CAN'T breathe and my leg muscles are weak as hell, my Mother just pushed me over to the area quietly in the wheelchair. It took us a while, but eventually after looking through all the different ones, I finally found the one I truly wanted! The one that "got away" on the website! (went off sale).

It was if God himself had come down from Heaven and put the purse in my hands and said, "Here thy daughter, take this purse and cherish it, for it will always bring you joy and happiness. B/c you deserve it." *tears* And to my JOY, I was even able to talk my Mom into purchasing it for me for Christmas!!!!!! (even though it went like $10 or $20 over the before set spending limit - but hey, what are you gonna do? Some rules are meant to be broken! Especially when faced with such an awesome buy as this beautiful bag!)

When we got home that day, I immediately pulled my brand new KVZ purse out of the bag and promptly embarrassed myself by drooling over it and touching it and stroking it. I zipped and unzipped and zipped and unzipped, explored its inside pockets and squealed with glee over the rhinestone embedded Crown princess KVZ logo on the front.

Then my mother wrenched it from my hands and away it went, back in the bag, to the office with the rest of the Christmas gifts. I waved goodbye to it and told it not to worry that, "We'll be together again soon." I swear I think I heard it whimper as my Mother shoved it in the bag.

THEN - last night, my Mom was wrapping my Christmas gifts. Once again, I found the bag containing my beloved bag and freed her from her cruel plastic cave. Wherein, I swiftly began to play with it again for as long as I could. Then once again, my Mom took it away from me and it disappeared from view as she wrapped it up by dropping it down in a bag, only to be seen again on Christmas morning. *sigh*

Now, without further ado, here is a picture of my beautiful bag.

Don't hate Bitches! :) See ya'll later!

Lungs in a bag, anyone?

2008-12-04T20:31:00.001-05:00

What's up my bitches?

Wow, what a week so far. I'm tireder than all hell. I've been to Chapel Hill and back 2 times this week. AND I have to go again next Friday to see the transplant team. ughhhhh.

Tuesday morning I had an appointment with the sleep specialist in Neurology at the main hospital. I don't know what I expected her to tell me, but it wasn't what I heard. This lady is crazy.

She gave me a list of rules which consist of (no specific order): Lights out at Midnight - What the hell? Am I band camp? Do I need to pull out my clarinet from 6th grade? She is trippin'!

NO naps! (unless I absolutely can't stay awake) Is she mad? That's like telling a monkey not to eat bananas - it's in my nature.

No T.v. or computer after 11 PM. OH MY GOD - She is the devil! I think she is purposely trying to ruin my life.

The last one - and definitely the worst. NO CAFFEINE...which means, *TEARS* NO PEPSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She might as well rip my heart from my chest and laugh at me as she throws it down and stomps on it. That's how bad it hurts. Granted - I can drink caffeine free Pepsi and I WILL - but its just not the same.

I'll go along with her little scheme - for now. But I'll be damned if I don't drink a regular Pepsi every now and then. What is it they say? As long it's in Moderation, it's okay? :) What she doesn't know won't hurt her!

She also gave me some pills to take, hopefully they will help.

Last night Justin and I took his Mom's car back to Chapel Hill to go to support group. It was pretty interesting. The transplant surgeon (Dr. Egan) who started UNC's lung transplant program was there speaking on his research.

They are doing research on Ex-Vivo lung transplantation. Which means they would be taking lungs from non heart beating donors - meaning those who arrived at the hospital D.O.A. or die at the hospital b/c their heart stops beating and can't be resuscitated. They believe that it may actually be better than brain dead donors b/c brain death can cause damage to the lungs. But lungs after heart death, still oxygenate (unlike every other organ, b/c the other organs depend on blood pumped from the heart to the organs - but the lungs don't)

It was very interesting. Dr. Egan is brilliant. There were a couple of videos we saw that were awesome. Below is the website that explains his research.

Lungs In a Bag

I have a headache. I'm going to get off this badboy. Talk to you laters!

Introducing the Transplant Fairy

2008-11-29T23:58:00.001-05:00

Greetings and Salutations y'all!

Today I have officially been on the waiting list for 4 months. *applause* Yippe- freakin'- skippy! It's also my friend Bree's 7 month mark for being on the list. So at least I know I'm not alone in this long ass journey.

I finally drew the long awaited picture of the Transplant Fairy. Ready to see it? *Drumroll* Now - Introducing the Transplant Fairy .........................

So what do you think? I need to get a flesh colored marker so I can give her some skin instead of just plain white. But, oh well. It works for now. :) I also put her as my profile pic on Facebook.

I drew her earlier this week over at Justin's house when I went over there to hang out. I took my stuff and we sat in the living room and drew for about 3 hours. He drew one too. His was better than mine. The boy has talent and didn't even know it! :)

Yesterday morning, My mother and I went shopping for Christmas. I got some cool stuff. I got three new purses, but I bought one of them myself. But she bought me an awesome Nine West one for Christmas and another one that is a clutch. Plus some other stuff, including boots and a mp3 player. So I should be set. I still need some new jeans b/c I've basically out grown all my pairs almost. I guess we'll go to Express next weekend or something and get me some jeans.

Life is still stressful over here in my neck of the woods. Tomorrow Julie is picking me up and I'm going over to her house for a while to just hang out and de-stress as she works on some craft projects and watches football. Should be fun!

Well, I'm off like a prom dress.

Concentration Camp di Bumgardner. - My personal Holocaust!

2008-11-27T18:16:00.001-05:00

Hey Y'all.

I know it's been a while since I posted, but I just haven't really been in the writing mood. I've been more in the "donkey punch someone in the face and kick them in the balls", mood. Things around here have been total bullshit lately. So much drama, it's really starting to wear on my damn nerves.

My parents are acting psycho and treating me like I'm 13 years old. Just because they don't like my ex, they are trying to control my every move where he is concerned. Not only has my step dad threatened to shoot him if he comes in the driveway (which I'd like to bring to everyone's attention IS illegal and makes him subject to arrest for Communicating Threats.) But come to find out, my step dad also actually must own the street as well, *sarcasm* b/c now I find out that my ex isn't even allowed to come park in the street to come pick me up.

But - it's not even about the ex really. That's just the icing on the cake. They think that because I'm living under THEIR roof, they have the right to treat me like a 13 year old. No leaving the house past 9pm, no hanging out with someone they don't like, no selling my car even though It's in MY name. (at least they eventually gave THAT one up) Those are just a few examples.

Could someone please remind me of when I fell asleep and woke up 13 years old again? B/c the last time I checked, I was 28 years old. I can't take their immature ignorant stupid shit anymore. Pretty soon I'm going to blow and it's not going to be pretty.

What makes this even worse is that right now is supposed to be a relaxing, stress free time as possible. I'm waiting for a transplant. A transplant, I might ad, that is a very risky surgery, which there are no guarantees afterward that I will do well. I want to live my last months until my transplant as happy as stress free as possible. I should be able to see who I want to see and not worry about being emotionally punished and/or getting kicked out of the house because of my choices.

I've been sick for the past 16 years of my life. I'm finally an adult. I've been doing what I want and making my own decisions for YEARS now and I've done fine. I'm not saying I haven't made mistakes, b/c I have. But that is part of life and part of growing up. I've still done pretty good. I got through college living away from my parents and supporting myself for the most part. And now that I'm down on my luck and unable to live alone while I'm waiting for this life changing event to happen, they choose to kick me while I"m down and treat me like a unruly teenager. I feel cheated and betrayed by them and I'm so mad I could scream. (And I would if I had the breath)

I feel as if they don't care about my feelings at all. And if they did, they would try to understand where I'm coming from. They would at least try and compromise with me. But NO, they want total control. And all I hear is about how god awful and miserable I'm making them. I mean HOW DARE I have the nerve to actually want to make my own decisions! How dare I have the nerve to want to control my own life!!! HOW horribly selfish of me!!!!! *sarcasm* Don't I see how upset this is making THEM? What a horrible daughter I am to do this to my parents!!! *more sarcasm*

They want me to understand them, but yet they REFUSE to even listen to what I have to say. They don't even attempt to put themselves in my shoes!

They think I don't understand where THEY are coming from but I do. All I'm asking for is a little consideration. For them to try and understand where I'm coming from for once!

I don't doubt their love for me and their need to feel like they are protecting me from who and/or what they feel is harmful to me. As my parents, their job isn't to control me, and keep me from making mistakes. Their job is to LOVE ME and SUPPORT ME emotionally and be there for me if and when I need them.

Unfortunately, I've realized recently that the truth is they don't give a flying fuck how their mistreatment of me and their actions make me feel. Just as long as they get what they want. Which is to be in control. Even at the cost of my happiness and health.

The transplant team says one of the most important things a transplant patient needs is a support system. They need their family and friends their to give them emotional support through out the whole process, PRE and post transplant.

I'm starting to really feel as if I lack this important support system. If they are treating me like this now, how are they going to treat me AFTER I get my transplant? When I'm (god willing) able to to get around even better and go and do as I really please? If this is any preview of what is to come, I'm in a shit load of trouble!

And due to my parent's vehement refusal to even DISCUSS a compromise or talk about how to solve this Hitler-Esq "Control issue" they have with me, I don't see an end to this personal holocaust I'm living in.

My life right now is a living hell and the culprits - my parents- the ones to whom I should be able to turn to with my problems - don't even care.

I just want it all to end.

Top 10 Things I've learned from Bronchiectasis

2008-11-18T23:19:00.001-05:00

Transplant Fairy, OH Transplant Fairy, where for art thou Fairy? Bring forth thy lungs and restore thy life! *sigh*

No lungs yet y'all! Do you think that maybe the Transplant Fairy is a selfish fairy? Perhaps she requires some sort of...gift in advance before she bestows on me this gift that I so humbly beg of her?

OR - oh no...what if she requires some sort of....sacrifice? Maybe she expects me to give up something in order to get my shiny new lungs? *scratches head*

OH well, if y'all have any suggestions, let me know. B/c I'm shit out of ideas here. And getting more impatient by the day. When will it be MY TURN?! I've been patient. Or at least I think I have :-( Is there some life lesson that I'm supposed to be learning through this waiting thing? B/c if so, I think I've learned enough lessons over the past 16 years of this selfish bastard of a disease.

Let's explore what I've learned over the past 16 years.

Bronchiectasis has taught me.....

1. Just because you FEEL like you can do a certain task, it doesn't necessarily mean you CAN. Slow your roll! Try, but don't be disappointed with your ultimate failure.

2. Nosebleeds aren't as bad as everyone makes them out to be. In fact they can be rather interesting at times.

3. No you don't have a big booger on your face, they are staring at your oxygen.

4. Do not under any circumstances follow any urge you get to skip, run, or hop. (refer to #1) B/c you will just embarrass yourself. And possibly hurt yourself.

5. Keep your oxygen cord away from kittens. They WILL attack it. they can't help themselves. It's not pretty walking around with a oxygen cord full of electrical tape.

6. Just because your Lungs can, doesn't mean your LEGS can. Once again, SLOW YOUR ROLL! The treadmill will be there tomorrow and the next day, etc.

7. Yes, it IS possible to blow O's from your nebulizer pipe. Although it may take years to perfect.

8. Don't throw away your left over oxygen tank humidifier bottles or extra cords. Pot heads are very creative. (this is only for those who have friends/family who partake of nature's own medicine)

9. Don't overreact. Coughing up blood does NOT mean you have AIDS. No need to take a trip to the free clinic afterall.

10. If someone asks you if you have Asthma, for the love of God, just say YES.

(possibly more to come later)

20 miles from home + Empty O2 tank = OHH CRAP!

2008-11-13T15:20:00.001-05:00

What's up Y'all.

Yesterday was an interesting day. It was bad b/c I had to end up canceling my rehab b/c I had to leave town early in order to make it to Chapel Hill in time for the support group meeting. So that sucked. I tried to reschedule it to an earlier time so I could make it, but they didn't have an opening.

SO anyway, we ended up leaving around 3:30 to drive up there, which is good b/c it took us like 2 hours to get there by the directions given to us. We barely had enough time to go by Subway and get dinner.

But, the support group meeting wasn't near as horrible as I thought it would be. Thirteen years ago when I was attending them, I hate them. I resented that I had to go to them b/c I felt like I didn't belong there. I wasn't getting any emotional support from being there. It only made me feel worse like an outsider b/c all the people there were so much older than me. And the way they talked was like everyone was competing with each other. I hated it. So that's why I was not very excited when I got "summoned" to last nights meeting by the woman that runs it.

But, I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. Granted, there wasn't that many people there last night. But there was one girl there that is 26 who has CF and just got listed for a double lung transplant. And then there was this 29 year old guy there who had a transplant in March. Plus a few others that called in on the conference speaker phone line. So it was cool. I felt less nervous and not like an outsider like I did when I was 14 and 15. So that was a pretty good time.

BUT of course, there had to be SOMETHING that went wrong. On the way home I ran out of oxygen. It wasn't my mom and I's fault. I won't go into how it happened or why, but suffice it to say, we were pissed when we got home. I had to go the last 10 minutes home without 02. and it was NOT fun. :-(

But, once in the driveway, I finally got some o2 and got inside okay. A few minutes to relax and rest and an ice cold Pepsi later, I was recovered. :)

Okay Kids, the moral to this story is, well I'm not sure what the moral is rather than "Don't run out of oxygen." but that's not really a moral b/c it wasn't something that we did intentionally. Hmmm..anyways! I'm off!

3:45 A.M. disappointment

2008-11-11T17:25:00.001-05:00

Hey bitches!

I had a very interesting thing happen last night. It freaked the shit out of me and both disappointed me at the same time.

I was asleep in my bed last night like everyone else in the house at 3:30 in the morning. Then all of a sudden, "RING RING RING" the freakin' phone rang! I woke up like "Who the hell?" and then I immediately got this thought in my head. "oh my god, what if its THE CALL from the transplant team?" My heart started racing a mile a minute as I got up to answer the phone.

My mom and I both answered it around the same time. But no one was on the other end. It must have been a wrong number or something. The area code was 805. Curious to see where that area code is located, I looked it up online. It's a California area code.

Anyway, it took me a little while to calm down after that. But I thought for sure that it was "the call". And I remember thinking, "oh shit! I haven't even packed my bag yet!"

It was very nerve wracking to say the least. But I also got excited and couldn't help but feel disappointed when I realized it wasn't the transplant team. Oh well.